I lost my brother to Suicide 09/20/2010
This is my first time doing this and I really don't know if it would help me or not to say how I really feel. I lost my only brother even though I do have a half brother, but its not the same. It hurts a lot to lose my brother. My brother and I were not really close but we do get along when we got older. My only regret I ever had is not spending time with him when I came to visit my family in Fla. I feel guilty almost every day because I didn't get to see him as often or talk with him.
Due to my living in Chicago has changed lot not being close to home in Fla. I feel guilty in lot of ways; it not suppose to be him that died and he had so much to live for and lot to look forward with his three boys. I dealt with depression and I know I am struggling with it now even more. It not suppose to be him. I can only go by memories of my brother of how we were as kids and how he taught me things like sports and similar things he may like that I like or enjoy doing.
I don't know how to grieve or let things happens. People said to me I changed ever since my brother pass and how they wish I was the old me and don't like the new me. The new me is I am more quieter and I think more than I should. I don't laugh or joke as much. I use to before my brother pass but I don't.
I miss you so much Jerry and I wish I would have done something or anything to be there for you and I feel so guilty. I am just now learning all of these things and I still have lot of questions and want answers but no one can do answer that.