I lost my brother

It was always the three of us, my two brothers and myself, with me in the middle. I lost my brother at age 50 to a two battle with cancer. He was like my twin, we were born close together and he was the balanced voice of reason in the family. I always thought we would grow old together. He fought so hard and went through so much pain and he dealt with it with humor and kindness. I feel like the best of the three of us was taken away to early.

I came home every other month from across the country to see him while he was sick, but I missed saying goodbye. I found out he was terminal on a Wednesday, I bought a ticket to come home on Thursday, but he died Thursday morning. My mom had to call to tell me he passed away and I had missed seeing him one last time.

I have been really surprised how little support I have received from those around me, two people in my office out of 100 offered condolences, close friends have never asked how I am doing. I think people think of all the family members you could lose a sibling isn’t as hard as say a parent, a spouse or child. But I wake up every morning missing him. I miss his funny emails, I miss our shared history and he is the only human who really ever saw the world exactly like I did.

Comments for I lost my brother

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Jul 11, 2013
I lost my brother
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your brother to cancer. I have 5 siblings. With me being 6 in total. I couldn't imagine losing one of my siblings. Each loss of a loved one is pertinent to us but may seem unimportant to anyone else but more so to those who have never lost a loved one. No one could imagine how lost you feel. The immense pain of grief from this loss which has been dismissed with not even a mention. This is cruel to say the least. WE find life changing even in the medical arena there is not the same level of caring as from years ago. Patients and loved ones left grieving are treated in a very clinical way almost also in a detached way that carries another level of grief. I lost my husband to cancer 14 months ago. We were married 44yrs. My husband had terminal cancer, inoperable, incurable, aggressive. I cared for him for 3yrs.39days and it was a horrendous battle. That initial meeting with a Professor was careless, and thoughtless. "Oh you have a rare and aggressive cancer and we will give you Chemo and quickly passed on to the nurse with him eager to sign my husband off. The Oncologist was a lovely man but he had an heir of excitement of one of the rarest cancers. He was excited about my husband's cancer. It was the strangest experience ever. When they could do no more for my husband the Oncologist shook my husbands hand as if he was going on holiday whilst my husband sat there pensive and hurt over being dismissed in such a cold manner totally detached. This is a painful as my grief. I had to care for a dear man who was going to die and I was helpless to take his pain away. He didn't want to die. He talked little but his face and demeanor carried such pain that would break anyone's heart. If I didn't believe I would see him again when Jesus comes back I would just lay down and die. I wouldn't have the energy and spirit to live again. Such a journey of grief is long, hard, and painful. Here was someone with a precious soul and loved deeply and you wanted to hold each moment in time FOREVER. It was impossible to process death at this point.
I know how you feel to have missed the last moments with your brother. Your experience of friends, and work colleagues dismissive of your feelings and even not asking how you are is not uncommon. After the funeral you find out WHO CARES. The people who care are the one's you wouldn't think of. And the one's you thought would care vanish from your life as if you didn't exist. I am finding out more how this hurts. You are not alone here. May God Comfort you and your family in your loss and bring you Peace.

Jul 10, 2013
loss of brother
by: Mari

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your brother. Believe me I understand as it happened to me also. People at work should be more comforting and caring but all you can do is appreciate the few who were. The loss of a sibling is very hard. Maybe people who have not gone through it cannot understand. Also there are persons who don't know what to say to comfort a person who is grieving.
May God be with you at this sad time and remember there are people who care.
My brother and I were born 6 days less then a year apart.We were close. He had a heart condition. Can you believe he passed away at the age of 24 and would be 70 in Nov had he lived? I still think of him. I even laugh when thinking of the time in 1954 that we swiped a candy bar from a store and got caught.My mother made us write a letter of apology to the store. My brother was nice and a fine young man. Remember that your beloved brother is with the Lord now. Keep posting because a lot of caring people will reply and you need that. God bless you. Mari

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