I lost my dad a year and half ago at 61

by berry
(dublin )

its been a year and half since my dad died he went for a little simple operation and ended up dying. a year and half later its still hard and emotions get the better of me and i still cry. friends are great they dont bother asking how you are or anything everyone thinks your okay but anyone that has gone through it knows your not. a friend of mine told me 3 months after my dad to stop feeling sorry for myself and to not be thinking about what ive lost. to me it feels like it never happened as people have forgotten my dad is dead and the pain is still here. i miss him so much

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Jun 11, 2013
if only the pain would go away
by: Anonymous

Dear Berry,

I just lost my dad one week ago sudden. i understand your pain and frustration. My dad had a cerebral attack but the doctors told us that he will recover. indeed he did for 2 weeks and than when nobody was expecting his heart gave up and he passed away. I feel betrayed, i feel anger but most of all i feel pain, so much pain. He was my rock, my idol and now he is gone and i can not accept it. we had so much plans, he was still young and full of life. dont know yet myself how i will deal with it but i remember his last words: i love you my girl, have a beautiful life. i know you are in pain but for sure he wanted you to be happy and leave your life. its so dam hard but ill try my best to in his memory to make his last wish come true. keep his memory alive and try not to let yourself beat by the pain. its ups and downs i guess but we have to make it. i dont know yet if ever the emptiness i feel in my stomach will ever go away, guess not but i know our dads would not want us to be unhappy and depressed. they are watching us and guide us still.

May 14, 2013
I lost my dad a year and a half ago at 61
by: Doreen U.K.

Berry I am sorry for your loss of your dad. Especially difficult because he went in for a routine operation and by all accounts you expected him to come back for this. You didn't expect him to die otherwise some doctor would have made you aware of this.
As operations go anything can happen because surgery carries so many risks e.g. if anyone is overweight there are risk to anaesthetic. But usually one is told this, and prepared for it. The person who told you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to stop thinking about what you have lost is TOTALLY CLUESLESS TO LIFE ISSUES. She is talking out of the back of her head and from a very uncaring viewpoint. She evidently hasn't lost anyone in death yet. When she does you can remind her of what she said. I personally would not have such a person in my life. Who needs a person like this. It makes me feel so angry for you having to put up with this remark it is very hurtful and would impede your grief. Self pity should never be used when talking about grief and also when one wants to express themselves. It is important to validate each others feeling and where they are in their grief. You also have every right to talk about what you have lost because it is not goods you have lost it is a valuable person from your life. I know how you feel. Many people expect us to move on and talk about anything other than what we have lost. It will take many of us years to Heal from our loss of our loved one. My dad is 91yrs. and dying slowly and I cry about losing him. And I will cry when he dies despite his age, and despite me accepting his death due to his age. In our world we will all bump into insensitive people. But their day will come. No one gets a trouble free life. I hope your days ahead will be filled with good people who will support you in your grief and walk with you through it.

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