I lost my dad and my granny

I lost my dad two months ago. He died suddenly from a heart attack. He did not mention any symptoms and his cell phone was found near him. My granny had just died three days before and he was planning to come to her funeral. Of course he never made it. I wonder if the stress of going through losing my granny and seeing how upset my brother, my mom and I were. I feel like losing my granny suddenly was helpful to her in a sense because she was going through cancer and was about to go through radiation and chemo treatments. She as already very weak and I can't imagine she would have handled the sickness that follows those treatments. My dad was healthy. Turns out he had early on-set heart disease. He and I were not as close as we wanted to be. We had a tough relationship. I miss him more now than I did when he was alive. Seems a little backwards. I go back and forth between wishing I had tried harder to knowing he and I both tried to make our relationship meaningful. I'm not sure now why we couldn't be closer. All I know is that I would give almost anything to have one more moment iwth him, to hug him, to tell him I love him (which we rarely said) and to just really talk with him. The last ten years were messy with my parents divorcing and how they both handled the separation. Divorce breaks up families. Sometimes its better, but its always messy and people are always permanently hurt, especially the kids. I still feel like i'm in shock. I know he and granny are gone, but there are moments where it really sinks in that they're never going ot call me, reach out to me, hug me, see me again. That is when the pain really hits me. The permanence of the situation. I can't believe they're gone. i can't believe they're gone.