I lost my dad and now I dont want to do anything because he is missing out

by Brent Weber
(Mechanicsville,IA, USA)

Hello, I'm Brent and I am 25 years old. My father passed away yesterday morning unexpectedly (4-4-12). His name was Dave and was only 55 yrs old. I need to tell my story and hope there is some closure. I can't talk to anyone about my feelings, never have and now I need to. I'd like to start by saying that my dad was the greatest person in the world. He would do anything for anyone especially his own kids. He was the kind of person who didn't care what other people thought. If you needed something and didn't want or need the help, he was getting you it anyway no matter how many times you told him no. I have so many good memories with him till I was around 13-14 yrs old. At that time I was in high school and girls drugs and alcohol was on my mind and I drifted away from my family. I would stay gone for days and then come home only to shower and take the food from the fridge. I would verbally abuse my dad and still to this day I would refuse to be nice to him because of my past. I drifted away and I felt like if I was to come back to a normal life with my parents I'd be embarrassed and didn't know how to rekindle our relationship. My parents had and have a bad life. My dad was disabled since I was 15 or so and lost his job. My mom had to take care of my dad and so she was in and out of many jobs and I can tell she didn't take care of herself because she was busy helping my dad and younger brothers. My parents didn't have money or a home to call theirs. We are poor and it hurts knowing my dad isn't going to enjoy life like other people and that he is going to miss out on his children and wives future. I don't want to accomplish anything or do anything because I feel like he isn't here to see what is going on. I feel like if I am to do anything now, that I am doing it because he is gone. I want my dad to know that I am sorry for not treating him better, not taking him fishing when he asked every time he knew I was going. I'm sorry for lieing to him. I'm sorry for not letting him come to my new home. I'm sorry for not telling him I love him and I'm sorry dad for not treating you like the father you were. I know that I was your baby and that u loved me more than anything else. I love you too dad and I always will. I hope I can go on with life, but as of right now I feel like I cant accomplish anything. If you can come back, please do. A death shouldn't make me realize any of this, I am ashamed and can't think or do anything. I wish I could go crazy and bring u back. Dad, I am sorry that I didn't come over last night. You called me and asked if I'd come over and I said no I was on my way home from out of state and it would be too late. You then called cass and asked her to stop by. I wish I would have come by. I can't stop thinking about if I did, you would still be alive. I want you to know that I need you and always did even if I pushed you away. I would listen to what you had to say then, push you away. The secret is, I would keep that advice and use it but I wouldn't let you know. Now I'm going to be lost and not know what to do. You had answers for everything dad. Dad-please give me signs throughout life knowing you are there and helping guide me in the right direction. Dad I will miss you more than anyone will ever know. I hope you can be happy and do the things u have always wanted to do. I hope heaven is real because that is what is going to keep me alive. Knowing that I need to experience life-good and bad and then one day I will be with you again. Love you dad, miss u greatly and see you in the future. PS-I will treat mom better and respect her more. I will answer her calls, I will allow her to come over. I want you to know that I am doing this not because you are gone and you were the issue. Its not that at all. Its that I need to love my family like I should. If we could go back 2 days, I'd be asking you and mom to come take the extra rooms in our home. Thank you dad for being my dad- you always will be my dad and thank you for everything you have taught me and done for me Love you dad...Brent

Comments for I lost my dad and now I dont want to do anything because he is missing out

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Jun 15, 2012
your dad
by: Anonymous

Iam so sorry for your loss ilost my dad also on july 30 my son spent his 14th birthday watching his grandfather pass i loved my dad to death i spent alot of my teenage years doing the same as you i thought nothing would ever happen you think you always have time but you dont. would your dad want you to stop your life? or would he want you to make it the best it can be?I have buried 1 of my daughters and 1 of my sons due to heart 3yrs of age and 4yrs of age 1990 found brother in law at his home age 40 and i was close to him and found another brother in law at his home due to illness and my dad his trauma started june 9 on july 30 nurse asked him my name his reply was ah hell she knows who she is. my dad was always cracking jokes.it was later that day he passed. i carried my dad to his grave but your dad wants you to do what you can go fishing while your fishing if your alone talk to him start asking him for his help ask for signs .My heart really and honestly goes out to you and your family. and remember he knows you love him...................................

Jun 15, 2012
your dad
by: Anonymous

Iam so sorry for your loss ilost my dad also on july 30 my son spent his 14th birthday watching his grandfather pass i loved my dad to death i spent alot of my teenage years doing the same as you i thought nothing would ever happen you think you always have time but you dont. would your dad want you to stop your life? or would he want you to make it the best it can be?I have buried 1 of my daughters and 1 of my sons due to heart 3yrs of age and 4yrs of age 1990 found brother in law at his home age 40 and i was close to him and found another brother in law at his home due to illness and my dad his trauma started june 9 on july 30 nurse asked him my name his reply was ah hell she knows who she is. my dad was always cracking jokes.it was later that day he passed. i carried my dad to his grave but your dad wants you to do what you can go fishing while your fishing if your alone talk to him start asking him for his help ask for signs .My heart really and honestly goes out to you and your family. and remember he knows you love him...................................

May 17, 2012
4-4-12
by: Silly

My dad called me Silly. I am 40 as of two days ago and my dad passed away 44 days ago. Sudden Massive heart attack. Only 66 years old. I am a wife and mother. For the last 44 days life has just crammed itself down my throat and altho I love Jesus, dealing with this death is going to be a new life. I have to choose each day to find that new life.
You could not squeeze a quarter between my dad and I and the deep emotional bond we shared was known to anyone who knew us. There are no words...it all sucks. My dad is my best friend and the love of my life. Will the memories help heal me? I do not know. I don't have any answers...but I don't have any questions either. It is all sad...the extreme groaning within my soul is unbearable and can only ask for Jesus to calm my spirit.

Apr 27, 2012
((Hugs))
by: Anonymous

Hi Brent,

I just lost my dad on March 30th, the funeral was on April 13th. I just want to offer my sympathy and let you know that I will pray for you. Though I was able to say alot - I have some unresolved things that I wish I said to my dad and I've been praying through alot of it.

You may not have your earthly dad, but you have the possiblity of a Heavenly Father. He is a father to the fatherless. He can heal wounds and broken hearts. He loves you and if you seek him you will find him. If your dad was here, I'm sure he'd forgive you this instant. Regrets are so hard, but please look to the Lord - seek Him, find him, he's real and so is his comfort.

I am looking to the Lord alot - my dad's death was expected, but still came fast and is more difficult to deal with than I thought it would be. My heart does break for you and I hope you find the peace you are looking for. Take time to heal, to write to talk. Get as many hugs as you can. Let people love you. Seek forgiveness. Write your dad. But, please...the Lord loves you and He will be found of you.

Thoughts and prayers - take care. Sharon

Apr 21, 2012
your father
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. My father died when I was 18, and we also had a somewhat tumultuous relationship.

Your father loved you very much. I would be willing to bet that he knew you loved him, too.

Love doesn't die just because the person we love is dead. Be very kind to yourself during this time, let your friends and family comfort you, and give yourself the space you need to process your feelings.

Apr 07, 2012
Your pain
by: Anonymous

I lost my father in January 2012. He had surgery that he wanted to wait until after Christmas and I pushed him to go sooner thinking he would be home and better by then. Well he vomitted into his lungs while getting surg. He suffered for over a month with a breathing tube and a million other tubes. I felt like it was all my fault. But now Ive been reading books about real life stories of people that stopped breathing and went to heaven. They said how peaceful they felt. That they saw themselves leaving thier bodies. But was told it wasnt their time and were sent back. I know theres a heaven thats what keeps me sane. I used to hate when my parents wanted to go everywhere with me. Im married with kids and they were bored. Everytime I wanted to go to a mall they would ask to go. Its normal to feel the way you did. To lie and not want to hang out with them. Now I take my mom everywhere. When I feel like (omg thats enough hang out with your own friends) I stop and remember how much I miss my dad and wish I had him here with me. Its going to take time to heal Im still struggling. But keep busy, pray hes listening. He would not want you to feel all this pain. Do it for him. Maybe he will come to your dreams like mine did. Good luck and God bless.

Apr 06, 2012
It's not too late to change the future
by: Sheila Strassburg

Your story is heartbreaking and so common. There are so many living with regret over the loss of a loved one.

I hope your anguish will stand as an Ensign to others not to take parents or anyone they love for granted. Let it stand as an example that fences need to be mended while our loved ones are living because not matter what your relationship, you will miss them when they are gone. I pray that your Father's death will help you do the right thing for yourself and your Mom.

Don't live with regret, live for the future. Your Father is in paradise, he is treasured among the Angels of Heaven. The poor of this earth are no longer subjugated to the same standards in heaven... he is truly rich in Heaven, the scriptures tell us so.

Son, please let yourself heal. Forgive yourself. Your Dad did a long time ago. Regret is a terrible thing to live with... learn from this experience and let it fill you with something better. The more you take the time to learn of this life and the eternities, the easier it will be to overcome the hard lessons of this life.

Don't quit now, your Father would not have wanted it. He is in paradise among those who have gone on before him, the angels of heave are rejoicing over his return. Let that be a comfort to you as you deal with your heavy grief and try and move forward. God Bless you.

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