I lost my Dad on 03/12/13

by dawn

Where to begin In November of 2011 my dad was told that he had lung cancer. He quit smoking that day cold turkey. My Mom and dad both said okay we will beat this. He does chemo and radation. Then Feburary 2012 its in his throat and it kills his vocal cords. He can hardly talk at all. Starts chemo and radition again. then he went in to kidney failure. They let us take him home to die my parents were both in denial but i called his cancer doctor and she gave him 2weeks to a month. He lasted not even a full week. I flew my sister home so she could be here for when he passed. She got to spend about two weeks before he was gone. On the night of March 11th I had to work the over night shift at work so my mom called me at about 130am to tall me his nreathing is really bad and she had to call the hospice nurse to come to help him. I told her to call me back. I should have listened to my heart it was telling me to leave work and go to him. I didnt I got off work at 7am. My sister came in to my work at 650am said mom just called she thinks dad is gone. I rush out of work and to the home of my parents walk in and my dads gone. I scream Daddy No. My dad has been my hero my whole life what I dont understand is how am I supposed to go on when my whole world is turned upside down. Everyone telling me hes not suffering but we are suffering without him my mother never left his side they had the kinda love that is rare this day in age. he was such a fighter he fought till that morning when he sat up and wisphered good morning to my mom took two last breaths and he was gone.I go between disbeilf to anger. I dont know how to go on with out him. I had to return to work on Saturday 03/16/13 and it takes everything I have to get out of bed. It hurts to watch everyone go about their life like nothing happened but it did happen my world crashed.

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Jul 20, 2014
my dad
by: Dawn

Well its been over a year now everyone is telling me to let go. How am I supposed to let go believe me if I could wake up and not have that heartache that hits me every time I open my eyes and remember that he is gone I would. They say its time to move on and I do try I still get up everyday go to work take care of the kids and the hubby but nothings the same I have no joy. When events or holidays come around its hard not to notice that you are not there just all of us trying not to voice it out loud. Why is it that no one wants to talk about you that if I do want to talk about you I need to not dwell on it. Does know one know what you meant to me. I need to talk about losing you. I miss you so much. I really shouldn't complain you wouldn't like that. You tried so hard to fight and not complain. You were thankful for every extra minute that you got with us. I just wish it was longer.

Apr 09, 2014
I lost my dad on 3/12/13
by: Dawn

The last year of my dads life when he was sick and needed me. I backed off I would see my dad everyday until he got sick. Then it was I will see him later. It was so hard to see what the cancer was doing to him. If I wouldn't have stopped seeing him everyday it would have killed me when he died. Now I wish i could have been there every minute. It makes me wonder did I hurt him did he think I didnt love him because I quit going over to his and moms house everyday. Mom is trying to get thru everyday I find myself wishing that I could be there more for her but that I cant stand being at their house. I expect him to walk in the door and when he doesn't it breaks my heart all over again. Does anyone else feel this way?

Jul 10, 2013
by: dawn

We go tomorrow and spread my dad's ashes. I don't think HD I am ready.

Apr 07, 2013
I lost my dad 03/12/13
by: dawn

Its been almost a month since we lost you. Its still not real to me everyone says I am doing so well. I really am not I am just a great actress. I just can't accept that he's gone. My Dad meant everything to me. Thank you everyone for your support

Mar 23, 2013
I know the pain
by: Anonymous

My dad left me September 11, 2012 oh how is hurt so bad. My Daddy was my world, he was the person to go to when you needed someone to talk to . The one who had all the answers, He was my hero it have been a long struggle without him. All I can do is think about all the good times we spend with him. Love him so much

Mar 22, 2013
I understand
by: Robin

I lost my brother 3 weeks ago and I feel the same. Why is the world still moving on as if nothing happened. I want it to stop like it did for me. I started going to a grief support yesterday and it really helped get through yesterday as all I did was cry.

My prayers are with you!

Mar 22, 2013
I lost my Dad on 03/12/13
by: Doreen U.K.

Dawn I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. My world crashed 10 months ago when my husband of 44yrs. died of Lung cancer caused by working with a deadly poison called asbestos. He died of an Industrial disease from his workplace. He had no escape. His cancer was incurable, inoperable and aggressive. My world ended that day of diagnosis 28th March 2009. My husband died 5th May 2012. I know how you feel. You can't get out of bed without it hurting. You feel so worn out with grief you feel as if you are dragging yourself around each day. Your mom will be feeling the same way. She lost her husband. I was caregiver to my husband for over 3yrs. and just like your mom I never left my husband's side for a minute. The days ahead for you will be the worst struggle you will have to face. It is not easy to lose the man who brought you up and nurtured you as father's do into being the person you are today. Lung cancer is the worst cancer to detect and when it is found it is always too late. It is hard to go on each day with hurt and pain in your heart and you have no choice but to go on each day hoping the pain will soon end. It doesn't. You rise to another day hoping it will be a better day. We have to hope the sun will shine again and give us back our life. Stay close to your mom. You will need each other more now than ever. May God comfort you and your mom and family and help you cope with your loss and grief.

Mar 22, 2013
your dad
by: KATE

Oh do i ever understand what you are saying!
I lost my son to death in Nov 2012,he was 39.
there re so many emotions in grief,denial anger pain sorrow deep loss,yes my heart goes out to you dear one. when we loose someone so close to sus it is devestating. we go into shock and in and out of that and acceptance of the reality is just too hard. we all think of wat we should have done too but there was nothing we could do that would change what hapened. i feel for you deeply and only know we struggle together in grief. hugs to you. one day at a time is all we can do in this pain so heavy. love to you.

Mar 22, 2013
by: John Pitts

Don't go back to work. Go when you are ready. My job tried for 10 days, until they got me back. I've hardly had a moment off since. Work helps, but family support helps so so much more. You need to reduce your obligations to as little as possible, and allow yourself grieving time. Believe me, i'm 11 months out now, and I'm grieving still and will for a long long time, but I'm also upset for going back to work so quickly. You had hardly a glimpse in time to be away from life's daily grind. Everyone is different, but, I believe we need time away from the grind.

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