I lost my dad to cancer

My dad got diagnosed with stomach cancer last year and he died a few days ago. I think he died a terrible death. Throughout that year he wasn't "my dad." He was always on pain medication and didn't want to talk to me. I lost my mom too in a way. She dedicated her life to helping him. Now that my dad is gone I don't feel like I have my mom back. I'm still in high school. What am I supposed to do. I feel alone. When my dad was alive I was alone but I still had those moments where my dad held my hand and I thought that everything was going to be okay. Why do I feel so empty? If I feel empty I can't imagine what my little sister is feeling. How can I help my mom? Can I even help her when I feel like if I'm crying on the inside? i just want my dad to hug me and tell me that he loves me. Is that so much to ask for? Does life ever get better?

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Aug 05, 2013
I lost my dad to cancer
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your dad to cancer. I lost my husband to cancer 15 months ago today. He also died a horrible death from a deadly cancer caused from chemicals.
I know how you feel. You say you are still at high school. So you therefore don't have the maturity level to understand more than how you feel and so therefore your feelings become all about you. This is what grief does. It can imbalance us for a while and we can find an estrangement with those family members left. There is nothing wrong with this or how you feel. Death and loss does make us feel empty, lonely, isolated with our feelings, and lost for a while whilst we try to process what has happened and how we feel now. Talk to someone at School e.g. a School Counsellor. Talking helps to get our feeling out of our system and sometimes it makes better sense to us what life is going to be like. We feel out of REALITY for a while and then when the realisation of what has happened hits us the grief can become unbearable. Don't hold it against your mom for caring for your father at a time he needed this. If she didn't have time for you and your sister this was not her intention. This is what cancer does. I cared for my husband for over 3yrs. and it was intensive caring. I had to put everything and everyone on hold. His care was vital and a priority. You will get your life back in time and you will get your mom back. It is up to you to make a strong effort for this to happen. Talk to your mom ask her how she is feeling and tell her how you feel. Include your sister. If any of you bottle up your feelings you will cause estrangement within the family and it will make it more difficult to then come together and you may drift apart. If you are all struggling try and find a grief counsellor who can help all of you work through your loss. This is a very mature thing to do. Take one day at a time and try and be sensitive to each other's feelings and sorrow.

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