I lost my Daddy.
Three months ago on this day I lost my dad. It was a Monday morning and my phone rang at 4:55 am I looked at it and it was my Friend Luke, which is also my parents’ next door neighbor. I thought it was a mistake until the voicemail alert rang. I quickly listen to the message and he said something was wrong with dad and to get over there right away. My wife and I live one mile down the road so I was able to get there very quickly. The EMTs were there. I walked into the bed room and I saw my dad blue. I was completely numb. I felt like a helpless child. My mother in law came to watch our kids and my wife and I took my mother to the hospital and I was praying for a miracle which never came. He had a massive heart attack at the age of 60. He had no prior history of heart issues. Just the day before he golfed 27 holes and in the evening him and I put up a basketball hoop for my boys. He was not tired or short of breath. He had dinner with mom and they watched a movie before bed. It just does not make sense. I was very close to my dad and I love him very much. I told my wife this morning that I just feel broken and that I don't know what to do. I go through periods, days, of being okay and then I break down and cry and have feelings of anxiety. I just keep thinking about my boys and how much they loved their Pap. He would take them for tractor rides and take them to see horses. All kinds of fun stuff. The thing that hurts the most is all the missed future milestones of his grandsons. It also kills me that this is the first time in over 20 years that he and I did not go to an Ohio State football game together. I miss watching Steeler games with him. When I was having a rough time he always seemed to know and he would call me. His wisdom and advice always helped. I miss him so much and to be honest I feel scared. I am the protector of my family but he was my protector and now he is gone. I feel broken inside. I don't want to be at work. I would rather be with my wife and children but I know that can't be because I have to provide.