I lost my hansome young man.

by Carol Cotter
(Bellingham,mass, usa)

Hello. On November 13,2011 my son Sean had gone to sleep early afternoon. He wanted to watch the Patriots play at eight thirty that night. He then had to work an overnight shift which is his regular shift. The next day Monday he was going to the school he signed up for in January to take his test to be placed in classes. Sean was living with his dad at the time because he worked less than a mile from his house. I had spent time with him the weds,thurs,and Saturday before. I was taking the ride to school with him that Monday.He was excited reminding me to make sure I was early. I was excited and nervous for him. Sunday night he did not get up for the football game and his dad said he had been really tired maybe he decided to just get up in time for work at eleven. When Sean was not up at ten thirty his day went to wake him and could not. He called me and I said call 911. Our nightmare began. We were told a lot about a clot that had hit his heart causing him to have cardiac arrest. Not Once Not Twice but three times. They were concerned about oxygen getting to his brain. All day Monday we prayed for a miracle but during the afternoon they told us not to expect to bring him home. Sean was 24. He was the oldest of three children and our only son. He was in good physical condition and we could not believe this. I can't believe the pain that fills my body every day. I can not think past the day I am in because I have panic attacks. My beautiful boy just gone. Just like that. How does any one pick up the pieces after this. I walked around completely numb. My two daughters are wonderful and I know I need to be there for them. We have big families and lots of friends that helped us threw his wake and funeral. A month later I actually feel worse. Life has gone on and I have so much pain in my heart. I miss him everyday. I still believe I could be in shock. I am looking for people who can maybe relate a little and might have some words of encouragement. Thank You so much for giving me the chance to write this.
Seans mom, Carol

Comments for I lost my hansome young man.

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Dec 24, 2011
Hoping for peace this holiday
by: Carol, Seans Mom

I want to wish all of you special people who have offered words of encouragement some peace during the holiday. Today is Christmas Eve. When I woke up I thought of how in my old normal life my son Sean would be calling me right about now,probably worrying about some shopping he still needed to do. I looked at his picture and told him like I do every day how much I love and miss him but gifts are things and I would give up everything to have the gift of his life. I did not realize how fragile these gifts are. I just assumed he would be here to talk to and go threw things with for the rest of my life. I am going to try to think about the last 24 Christmas's that I was blessed to have him. To constantly think about him being gone is so devastating. I know forever everyday even when I can smile I will have sadness and heartbreak. He was my oldest child and only son. I am really hurt for me but so sad for him. He had such a sweet spirit under his tough outside, or at least he thought it was tough. Sean loved Christmas as a child and I loved spoiling him. I would get everything on his list. Today I am so glad I did. May you look out for us this holiday Sean. We miss you so much and always will. May everybody stop and have a peaceful memory of the love one they lost. My heart is with all of you.
Carol, Seans mom

Dec 20, 2011
by: Lori's Mom

One thing I fear is that I will never experience true joy again. I pray that someday in the future that will happen. My heart and soul are bruised.


Dec 20, 2011
Brendon's Mom
by: Carol, Seans Mom

I am so sorry for your loss. As you know there are a few of us here knowing your pain. I too feel like I am going crazy. Also I feel like we left him alone. I kept asking the doctors, Is he scared? Is he in pain? I am his mom. How come I couldnt help him? I miss him so much and really cant wait for the holidays to be gone. His birthday his April 6 which falls on good friday next year. Another holiday weekend. Once in a while his birthday fell on Easter and when he was little I made such a big deal over that. I just cant imagine how long forever will be now with out him here. I miss and love you every day Sean Patrick. You were my beautiful boy. You knew how special you were too me. You use to tell me I bragged too much about my children. They are my world and it has crashed.

Dec 19, 2011
Please write to me
by: Anonymous

Hi Carol,

I am GT and forgot to give you my email address. It is - impossiblejoy@yahoo.com. Joy does seem like something we will never experience again, but it is returning for me. I am a suicide survivor of 6 years. We will have lots to share. I look forward to hearing from you!

Blessings, GT

Dec 19, 2011
from a grieving mom in Calif
by: Anonymous

Hi Carol...I too am in this horrible club. My son Dimitri died on 8/9/10 from leukemia. He was such a wonderful kid. He did everything right and he was my pride and joy. He was only 23 years and 27 days old when he went to Heaven. I've been taking things one day at a time. Sometimes it's one second at a time. I have four other children who have been amazing but they are also suffering. One thing that has helped tremendously is The Compassionate Friends. I attend the local meetings every month. The first two meetings were very tough to get through but I decided to keep on coming back and I'm so so glad I did. I also participate on their facebook page and I've made some friends there that I talk to on a daily basis. Reach out my friend....there are so many of us out there who are going through the same thing.
Hugs, Shirley - mother of Dimitri 7/13/87 to 8/9/10 - I will never get used to life without you my sweet son.

Dec 18, 2011
Hello its Seans Mom
by: Anonymous

I know what you mean Karen by a club we dont want to belong to. I cant believe I am here. I guess I was one of those people who believed that this doesnt happen to me. I replay my last conversations I had with him. He was so excited about beginning school on January 12th. I was excited, but nervous for him. Sean wanted things to happen yesterday and I always told him he was young. He had plenty of time. To be patient. This is just so unreal to me. How do you have such an important person in your life one day and just gone the next. Sometimes I get annoyed that life is just going on. I know it needs to and I keep it together for his sisters. His youngest sister turned 16 just 13 days after he died. She got her permit and just cryed that she could not tell him. His other sister is graduating from college in May and he so would of wanted to be there. All of our wonderful family accomplishments will now be bitter sweet because a very important person is missing. So unbelievable. Thanks for listening!

Dec 18, 2011
Seans Mom
by: Anonymous

Hello Karen. My email is cotter05@comcast.net. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you

Dec 18, 2011
I lost my son as well
by: Anonymous

Hi nov 26th our son called me to see where I was, I told him we were christmas shopping and be home soon I only talked to him for 13 seconds they were the last, he was on his way home when a car failed to give way to him, he was on life support for 8 days, we sat by his bed, the Dr wanted us to make the choice on the monday to turn the machine off, on Saturday the 3rd of Dec we were leaving Brendon for the night, all his mates were having a sleep over at the hospital with him, as we were leaving Brendon heart beat began to race
he loved all his mates and then had 2 hours with them then he died. Brendon donated his organs to five other men so he now lives on in them.I feel I will never enjoy life again and that I am going crazy at times the pain is so bad.Brendon would sit and just talk to me, I no longer can talk or touch him,I worry that he is missing us and we are leaving him behind life is so empty without him.

Dec 18, 2011
Whats your email..Seans Mom?
by: Karen

Hi Seans Mom

Whats your email..didn,t notice it on your message.
You can contact me first if you like..maclouise@hotmail.com..the death of our children is one day apart..its still so raw and unbearbale..and probably will be untl the day we are with them again....frankly can,t wait until that day.


Dec 18, 2011
It will Feel Better in Time
by: Catherine C

Dear Carol: I am so sorry and can relate to how you feel. I am also in the dark at the moment as I lost my beautiful daughter on Nov.15th 2011. She ended her own life after struggling with bipolar disorder for years. I blame myself and wish I cold have done more to help her. Not only that but I lost my wonderful 26 yr old son in 1997 and it took so long to feel a part of the human race after that. Now all the old wounds have been opened and I am grieving for two lost children.
No-one can take away your pain right now- it is something you have to go through but I want to tell you as I am telling myself that someday, it will feel better.
Lean on friends as much as possible and try to remember all the good things about your son's life. He loved you and always will from above.
Love and God bless you.

Dec 18, 2011
to Gt
by: Anonymous

I would like to chat. I have been looking for people who feel what I do. My grief is still fresh and yes holidays are tough. Cant wait for them to be over. I had a conversation with Sean about Christmas. We both work a lot so we were looking forward to in his words, Quality time. He knew how much just being with him was important to me. I miss him so much! thanks and I look forward to hearing from you

Dec 18, 2011
My daughter died Nov 12th 2011..my birthday!
by: Karen

Hi Carol

I know what you are going through, as we all belong to a club in here, that nobody wanted to be apart of.

Life is so unbearably empty and lonely. I do have another son who I adore, and has been so strong for me.

Its just that the pain we are going through is something that we dont get over..we get through it maybe, but I so want my daughter back who had just turned 30. Its just not fair, why why why?

If you would like to chat please feel free to email me at maclouise@hotmail.com..

Hang in there, and just try and remember all the good times..thats what I try and do, and ask myself, what would my daughter want me to do.

It is so painful and my heart feels so much pain for each and everyone of you on this site.

Dec 17, 2011
Please write to me
by: Anonymous

i read your story and care deeply about your pain. I know what it is like to lose a son and we approach the holiday season that reminds us sharply that someone is missing. I would rather talk privately with you if you are interested. No quirks, just chat. GT

Dec 17, 2011
sending hugs
by: Carol

You can see we have the same name. I lost my beautiful daughter Lori on May 8, 2010 to cancer. She was gone 2 weeks after the diagnoses. I know the pain you feel. You will never be the same, but somehow (I don't know how) you go on. I have another daughter and son. I wish you well over the holidays, they are tough. I find concentrating on my grandchildren helps. Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
I wish you peace and love.

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