I lost my husband suddenly 21/9/13 school sweathearts

by Mandy
(New Zealand)

My beautiful husband - Mike

My beautiful husband - Mike

I was 14 when this 15 year old asked me out. I said yes in 1981, little did i know this was going to be a relationship that would span 32 years.

he died of a heart attack. He was fit as a fiddle, healthy eater. Total shock and Coroner told me he had a bad heart that was heriditary.

My husband was colourful and abit of a bad boy. Me - nerd, straight and everything to the book. Total opposites but we made it work. his weaknesses were my strengths and vice versa.

He was the best grandfather children could have, and family was his number one priority.

I am still grieving so sitting here each night trying to find sites where their loved one's left unexpectedly. My heart is broken and I often cry without warning. I just wish i could have said goodbye to my man.

The only thing that keeps me going is that he always said, he wanted to go before me as he couldnt survive if i went first. I gave him the best send off i could. His grave is deeper than normal as his other wish is that when I go, i will be buried on top of him. I will ensure this promise is kept. Mike my darling/soulmate I love and miss you so much. if your around, please know that i vowel that i will try and be the best mother and grandmother to our children. I will try and get stronger one day, so your spirit can move on as i Know you probably cant until i do. LOVE YOU HEAPS

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Jan 19, 2014
Lost my high school sweetheart and husband
by: Anonymous

I never in my life thought I would be reading or writing anything like this. My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 16. We were happily married have two beautiful children. On December 9, 2013 he called me at work to tell me his mom had just passed away. I came home and we went to the funeral home. We went home to tell the kids what happened as his mom had been in and out of the hospital for the last eight years we felt she's finally at peace. The next morning we went back to the funeral home and then to his moms apartment where we met the family aunts and uncles. We started cleaning and decided to go have lunch. We went to the restaurant and a few minutes later he looked at me and said something's wrong and his head fell to the table and his body over on me. The next thing I know someone in restaurant was doing CPR then the squad came they shocked him three times. No response. We walked into restaurant around 1 and by 130 my husband was gone. Still waiting on autopsy report. Had to fight for that but that's another story. My life ended on that day. I'm trying to do to the best I can for my 17 and 20 year old children who loved their dad as much as I loved my husband. I have had an amazing support system but I can't imagine going on without him. He was only 48 and this is just a total shock. After we were married in 1986 he went to college and had the most amazing job as an engineer. He worked from home and he was home all the time. He took care of everything. There wasn't one thing in the world he couldn't do. He was the smartest man I've ever known. We are from a small town and there wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for anybody as it was said many many times how he would fix their computers cars lawn mowers etc. He was the most amazing man. He had such a sense of humor. He made us laugh everyday. Which now has turned into tears everyday. I just miss him so much can't imagine my life without him. We were supposed to have at least another 30 years together. It's not supposed to end this way. When I walked into the funeral home I kept saying no we were sitting here together yesterday planning his moms funeral this just can't be happening. I'm at a loss but I see there are many other people who are going through this. As my husband would say....that ain't right.

Oct 29, 2013
my update since my first post
by: Mandy

Hi all - dont know if anyone will read this, but i feel i need to do an update. Wow its been 5-6 weeks since ive lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my friend, my lover. So much has happened. Ive had lots of family and friends for support, ive done 2 counselling grief session, ive come back from Oz after seeing my son. I loved going there as I knew no one and no one knew me. I was another face in a huge crowd in Melbourne and no knew what had happened. I come from a small town and every 3rd or 4th person would stop me for condolensces. Ive had lots of help from Mikes friends and they have helped clean my place up outside. I know how to weed spray. Ive hired somone to do my lawns and have a cleaner starting this week for 2 hours a week. I start work tommorrow for the first time since 'it' happened. Im looking forward to this as i need some routine back in my life. Dont get me wrong, i think of Mike ALL the time but need to stay strong and continue living - he would want that. I talk to him all the time either in my head or out loud. I miss him heaps, specially at night time. My/our house is so quite without him. Ive paid for his funeral and am in the middle of changing all our joint accounts to just me. I give the banks the death certificate as evidence - this is really sad. Im not angry as Mike didnt know he was sick, just sad that i didnt have the chance to say goodbye. I have a pang of jealousy when i meet other widows and their husbands were sick. I know this sounds awful, but i think, you had a chance to say goodbye - i didnt. My in laws have been great, popping in and helping me with stuff ie my mother in law has put new nets in my home. My next mission is to try and find a hobby, i dont know what it is yet, but will keep this post updated. Im there for any widows that want to talk, as I know this helps. God bless all and until we all are reunited with our loved ones again.

Oct 10, 2013
i think i had my first sign last night...
by: Mandy nz

I went to bed bout 10pm and still up at 1.30am couldnt go to sleep. I was going thru you tube looking at widows dealing with grief. Feeling very sad with tears falling down my checks. When your on you tube theres other similar videos on the right hand side. Anyway, im looking at this video and on the right was something really random. It was a video clip of an unfortunate incident that was sort of unfinished business my husband left behind. Im like what the hell is going on. Why would that local video clip be on here. Anyway, i pushed that video clip, that went for exactly 8 seconds and then stopped. My internet then was cut off. I laughed. My husband always made me laugh, thats what made me fall in love with him. I think he was saying, babe dont be sad, ill make you laugh, dont watch anymore of these clips, go to sleep. So i turned my laptop off, went to sleep and had a good night sleep. Mike if that was you and im sure it was, thanks i know now that you are ok. Thats all i wanted to know. If your ok, then im ok and can continue as I know you will always be there for me. If i need to talk to you, all i need to do is think of you and you will there. Love you to the moon and back. You may not have wanted to leave this earth so suddenly, but it is what it is. We will always love each other and you will be there waiting for me when its my time and thats all i need to know xox my darling

Oct 09, 2013
Dear Mandy
by: Anonymous

I have the same feelings about my father. I need a sign. I need to know that he is ok. He just collapsed and died. I try really, really hard to have faith, and I pray to God all the time. I know that one day I will see him again, but I won't be at peace with any of this until I know he is ok now. Peace and comfort to you, Barb

Oct 09, 2013
response to Barb
by: mandy NZ

Hi there - thank you for responding to my post. Im just not in a good space at the moment - i wish i knew that my husband mike is ok. I so worry he is sad and shocked he left us. Until i know he's ok, its hard for me to move on in Earth

Oct 08, 2013
by: Anonymous

Dear Mandy,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope this site will help you. As you can see, there are wonderful, supportive people here who understand exactly what you are going through. I did not lose my spouse, but my father. He died suddenly in January to Sudden Cardiac Arrest. I am an only child, and was a Daddy's girl. I still cannot believe what happened. Even after 10 months, the shock has not worn off...I'm not sure it ever will. Like your daughter, I have not started counseling. I have found tremendous support on this site - these people have been the light at the end of my tunnel, my support group. My Mom and I are managing one day at a time. Each day gets easier, but it never gets better. Be kind to yourself, take your time, accept help when you need it. I hope you and your family find peace as you begin to heal. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Barb

Oct 08, 2013
Hi Lawrence
by: Mandy

Thank you for your response. Today has been quite overwhelming. Ive had alot of Mikes friends turn up wanting to help. Ive heard on this site to accept help so im going to. There were a few odd jobs needed turning, putting up a small fence, painting this, wood for next winter, turning another part into lawn, pulling out stumps etc. All of Mikes mates are doing this, i offerred to pay, and they all said they would be offended as Mike was a great guy and always the first to turn up at anyones house if they needed a hand. I feel so grateful and humble - made me want to cry. Well im nearly week 3 - and i start my grief counselling tommorrow. My 18 year old daughter won't come with me. She won't talk about it. She was there with my mother in law when Mike died unexpectedly. I dont know what to do with her, but give her time and let her know that I love her and im there when she wants to talk. But Lawrence, thank you for your words, only us widow/widowers know what we are going thru and these words help more than you know

Oct 06, 2013
Your Grief
by: Lawrence

It was the consecration for my beloved wife’s headstone today and I must admit I have had better days.
To say I was totally heartbroken would be understating it, to see my beautiful passionate sweetheart buried under a block of marble was so painful and distressing, I cried buckets of tears. I had my wonderful daughters and grandchildren holding me up, for all the love we gave them in the past was repaid today many times over.
We had been together from early teenagers for nearly seventy years it was a wonderful happy marriage and I thank God daily for sharing her with me.
She was also fourteen years old and I was fifteen when we fell in love, so our romance was so like yours.
I lost her nine months ago to a sudden heart attack; she died almost in my arms in a second and I know I will never get over the shock of her leaving me.
What can I say to ease your pain, unfortunately such words don’t exist, all I can say is cry and go along with the flow of your grief.
Everybody on this site has gone, or is going through the overwhelming heartache of losing a wife or husband and it is a terrible road to walk BUT, it does get better, utter grief has a time limit and nature will not allow you suffer for too long.
She left me on Christmas day, turkey was in the oven, potatoes and veg all cooked, the family was all here and then she quietly passed away, leaving us all distraught, so believe me all of us here on this site know what you are going through.
Take care of yourself and treasure your children and grandkids.


Oct 06, 2013
by: Anonymous

To doreen and anonymous - thank you so much for both sharing and comforting words. yes things are very raw at the moment and i wish i could push fast forward to either when this paid isnt so harsh or im with my husband on the other side. its so different hurt from loosing another member of your family. I HATE IT, but know i have to go through this - as I have no choice. Thank you so much xox

Oct 05, 2013
to all who have lost loved ones
by: Anonymous--MI

As I read the posts each day, I feel so sad and my heart aches for all of US who walk this road of grief. It will be one yr in November since my husband died of SCA and I feel like I am still in shock and walking in the fog some of the time. It is like so many of you have stated 'we don't get over grief, we learn to go through it.' Sometimes I get so resentful that my life with a good loving husband, dad and grandpa was taken abruptly from us while terrible horrible sinful people continue to live and hurt innocent people. But, I know that God allows bad things to happen and we do not understand why. I know that God is all knowing--all powerful and loves us so much He gave His One and only Son to die for us so that we may have eternal life of joy and happiness and be reunited with our loved ones. My goal everyday is to do God's will and this has only increased in strength since my husband died --- Alan Jackson has a song that I like--I WANT TO STROLL OVER HEAVEN WITH YOU--That is what I am looking forward to--I miss my husband and the grief is harsh but I keep thinking of something I read years ago--" The will of God will not take you, Where the grace of God cannot keep you" Thank God for His mercy and grace. May God bless and heal our sad hearts and lead on this journey that we did not choose, out of the darkness and into His light.

Oct 05, 2013
I lost my husband suddenly 21/9/13 school sweethearts
by: Doreen UK

Mandy I am sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. It is early days and much too early for you to feel anything else but raw grief. Crying is the biggest part of grief and means you heal each day. Best thing to do is TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. I lost my husband of 44yrs 17 months ago today to a deadly cancer by working with Asbestos so he died of an Industrial disease. He was 65yrs. and due to retire, but had to come out of work 2yrs. before for Chemotherapy. My husband did not want to die, but he said he would not be able to cope with the running of the home and all I did. He died 16 days before his 66th birthday so we all went up to the graveside and put up flowers and balloons and made it a special moment. I have been numb so feel my grief in small doses. I purchased a grave plot for 2 so I know I will be buried in the same plot on top of my husband's casket. I gave him a good send off and very happy with how his Wake went with all his work colleagues in the pub having a few drinks. All those who didn't want the pub didn't come, but it was about my husband and no one else. I didn't say good-bye to my husband because I expected a miracle of healing. But because I believe I will see him again it is "See you in the morning" It is a very lonely life from now on, but I am coping one day at a time. This I found is the secret. I wish you Comfort and Peace in your grief and better days ahead.

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