I lost my husband to a massive heart attack

by Kelly

I lost my Paul on 07/05/11 to a massive heart attack. Our 16th wedding anniversary was 08/12/11. I feel so lost without him. I met him when I was 23 and he was 38. Even though there was a big age difference, he at 38 had more energy than guys who were my age at the time. My parents had me late in life, so he was not a father figure because my siblings were his age. On 03/05/03 he had a very devastating motorcycle accident, I almost lost him then and after a year and a half of both physical and brain therapy, he became what his Drs. called his walking miracle. Even after his brain injury he was still a wonderful husband and father. A week before he died he had a Dr. appointment and all his labs and EKG were fine. A year and a half before he had a exercise and nuclear stress test and an echo done on him. I guess what bothers me so much is after making it through that he just went so quick. We went to his sisters house for the day and when we got home one of our dogs had died. He was so upset, plus the brain injury magnified it. I told him that if he did not calm down that I was going to call 911 and have him put on an ativan drip, even if I had to Baker Act him to do it. She was a very beautiful, very large female Collie who was every bit of 10 years old. I even looked up their life spans, which is 10-12. I just could not calm him down and then he started vomiting. He vomited 3 times and on the last time his head went forward into the basket, at this time I was getting up to get dressed to take him to the hospital. I went to him and he tried to say Babe and then his eyes rolled back then came down fixed. I called 911 and started CPR until Ems got there. In my heart, because I work at a local hospital I think they brought him to the ER, but in my heart I know that I lost him then. Hind sight is 20/20 I should have just called 911 in the first place. Maybe they could have done something for him. He also lost his 2 older brothers in 28 months from the day he died. So because of that I have guilt that I should have called 911 to begin with when I first thought of it. I feel so lost! In minutes I lost my best friend, companion, and protector. I know that I will never find anyone who had the heart that he had and the giving nature to help anyone. People tell me, well at least he did not suffer, I find no comfort yet in those words. After his accident he had chronic pain, but he still had so much life in him there never went a day that he did not make me or anyone around him laugh. I do not want to hurt myself in any kind of way I just do not want to go on, if that makes sense. I'm just trying to get through one day at a time and the pain is not easing. Alot of people who tell me it will get better, have not lost their spouse or have never been married, so how could they know the grief that I feel? I just cannot imagine never seeing his smile or beautiful blue eyes again. The anxiety from fear is almost unbearable,most of the time. I started counseling and going to be going for more grief counseling from Hospice. I know he would want me to move forward and I know the right things that I should be doing, but it isn't working for me. Any advice from someone who has been there would be greatly appreciated because this grief is just consuming me. Thank you and God Bless.

Comments for I lost my husband to a massive heart attack

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 27, 2012
why didn't I know?
by: Anonymouscp

I lost my darling husband just before Christmas..a few days ago. The doctors said he was ok. I believed them. I didn't know how sick my husband was. I feel so guilty for not listening closer to him and not having him at the hospital despite what the doctors said. Maybe he would still be alive. I don't know how to live without him.

Dec 09, 2012
Nov 17, 2012
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband on Nov. 17, 2012. I am lost I don't know what to do know. I know how you feel. All I know to do is pray. Pray to God.

Nov 05, 2011
by: Anonymous

Grief counseling and cipralex are 2 helping factors in my life. I lost my husband to a massive heart attack brought on by huge doses of chemotherapy and radiation in July as well and it is the toughest thing we have to endure. And you are right .....how does anyone know if they are not in your shoes.

Oct 31, 2011
by: Anonymous

I am hoping to have a friendship, with others

Oct 31, 2011
high school sweethearts
by: sue Thompson

Weldon and I met when we were 16 and I knew he was the one. we married at 21.. I lost him last Oct at the age of 55

Sep 15, 2011
one more comment...
by: Lisa

I was gonna mention that we had to put our little poodle to sleep last year on August 27th....my husband passed away this August 27th. September 2nd would have been our 16th Anniversary! I told him the day before he passed away that I was going to celebrate our anniversary at our favorite steakhouse with or without him because I loved him so very much! I laid him to rest on our anniversary and then celebrated our love at dinner that night! I believe that God planned these events on these already special days! I know they'll be hard each year but they'll always be very special dates in more ways than one!

Love & Prayers to you my friend!!!

Sep 15, 2011
I'm so very sorry *hugs*
by: Lisa

Kelly....I'm so sorry for your loss! :( I just found this site tonight and your story! My dear sweet Prince Charming passed away August 27th this year...he was 82-1/2 yrs old...I'll be 50 in December. It's only been 2-1/2 weeks and I have know idea how I've survived this long without him! He was the love of my life....the only man I've ever dated....the only man I've ever loved! My heart is broken and I have no idea how my life will go on, but I just take it one breath at a time right now and pray...pray constantly! I have no children....only furry ones....but I have family close by but it's still not the same have having him with me! I pray for you and this new journey in your life! {{{{{Kelly}}}}}

Aug 24, 2011
Same boat
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband to a massive heart attack on July 16th. He was only 51 with no previously known symptoms. Our 11th anniversary would have been August 11th. My heart grieves for you as well as myself. We were supposed to grow old together and now I feel all alone. I have no surviving children so I am at a total loss. I hope you and I can both find some sort of peace. Be well.

Aug 15, 2011
so sorry...
by: Anonymous


The advice that has been given to you is the very best from those that have been there and really understand what you are going through. My husband also had brain injury issues. Oh, how I tried to find others who had experienced that, so that I could Some How Figure it all out and get some answers.

In the end I think that it really maters not how our loves passed. I will use the term pass for now because it is much more gentle than the word died. That is a word that you will have to face later. It takes quite a while to forgive yourself for something that you had no control over.

For now please go easy on yourself. Grief will take you on your own path in your own way but there are the most wonderful people here who will listen 24/7. I still do not have answers as to what happened so very long ago, forever ago when I lost My Love.

Please continue to read the posts written by people who have gone through grief or are surviving grief. We really do understand...

Aug 15, 2011
I lost my husband to a massive heart attack
by: jules

Don't feel guilty - you have nothing to feel guilty about - you did what you did at the time.

To help you cope this site can be an amazing tool, come on here, read some of he older posts, join The Grief Club - there is a lot of wisdom, caring and compassion here. There is a poem posted about what to say to people who tell you it is time to move on - it is on the Grief Club I think.

My darling husband has been gone almost 22 months, and I miss him every day, even though I live a pretty full and interesting life, and have a lot of fun, I feel that my life would have been different if he was with me still.

Use this site as your sounding board, here there is no criticism, or judgment - just compassion, caring, wisdom and knowledge.

Remember - every day, one step, one breath
take care

Aug 15, 2011
To Kelly
by: Anonymous


You have to take one minute at a time, no one second at a time. You need to see a professional and try some medication that can help you so you can help yourself through just a few months.

The pain you feel is so real and sometimes the brain and body just needs help for a little while to cope with the pain. You have children and it doesn't matter how many words people say to you, your pain will cloud any and all sensible information right now.

You also need to get your kids help also. Start by finding a Nurse Practitioner clinic that treats both you and the kids. Mental Health professionals will help you one step at a time.

Bless you and your children

Aug 15, 2011
I have been there too
by: Sally

Dear Kelly, My husband died suddenly of a stroke on Oct. 8, 2009. He was much older than your husband and we had been together longer (almost 54 years), so in that sense we were lucky. I feel for you in your great pain -- I know, I felt it. I still, of course, miss him and always will. But what people say is true -- the horrible pain does get better with time. The biggest helps to me were my two closest friends who came to be with me, helped me with some of those tasks you have to do, and then were always available by phone. Also, it helped me to keep a journal and write down some of my thoughts and feelings, even the scariest ones. One friend kept a journal in the form of letters to her husband for 2 years after he died. I also got comfort from a book I got from the hospital: "My Friend, I Care." It's published by Barbara Karnes. You can google the address & ordering info -- it's only $2. Good luck to you, Sally

Aug 15, 2011
Advice On your Loss
by: Judith in California

Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss. It is an emotional roller coaster ride at best and worst. So hang on and read from all the pages here. All the advice for you is here within "Lost Spouse/Lost Loves"
section because all of us who have gone and are still going on this journey before you have written a wealth of comments for you to see into your future.

God be with you and help you to be strong on your journey for peace and acceptance.

Take care of yourself now and know we are here for your support.

Aug 15, 2011
Lost In the first stage of grief
by: M Mack

Hi Kelly,

I am sorry for your loss. I sympathize with you and know the stage you are in all too well. When I lost my soulmate I was numb, devastated and had so much guilt for not coming home from work knowing he didn't sound right on our last call and couldn't reach him a few hours afterwards. When I got there it was too late. He had a massive heart attack and I never knew he was sick. Those moments are imbedded in my mind and will never leave: I have to go on with those memories and living without the love of my life. He was everything to me and now after a year, I'm am working on helping myself as I sort out my feelings. The truth is, you ate numb at first, then get thrown around emotionally like a rag doll and then you suffer further with an indescribable saddened coupled with anger and loneliness.

Throughout my experience there is really no easy way to climb out of grief. You need to let it take hold, grab you emotional and for some, physical. I couldn't eat for months after and nothing I did helped me. Stay in bed, rest, take care of you and whatever you do, keep writing and reading. Only then will you realize how many are going through the same stages of grief as you. You are not alone and so many are going through the same pain as you. God bless and take care. You will be in my prayers.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!