I lost my lovely Aly to heroin and prescription drugs.. I miss her so much..

by Michelle

Aly dreaming..

Aly dreaming..

Aly dreaming..
Aly and twin sister Jamie-lee
Aly and sister Amanda

So I am here online writing about, "My story!" Where the heck do I start?? My daughter Aly at 22 died of an overdose of heroin October 4, 2013. The night she died is fuzzy to me because I could not understand why the paramedics could not bring her back that night. Her sister and I spent over 20 mins giving her cpr before they came and when they told me there was nothing they could do I sort of blanked out.

Aly had been struggling with heroin and prescription drugs for the past few years. She had a baby girl and my best friend and I had taken the baby away because she could not stay clean and do the right thing. At this time I never realized it was heroin and blamed it on prescription drugs but it is all the same. Tina (my best friend) and I took turns with the baby and I would always take Aly to eat and let her see her baby. I told her when she straightened up she could have her back. Aly was just a baby to me at 21. I remember the guilt I felt when I would pick her up at some hotel they paid for by the week and cried when I had to drop her back off but I wanted her to want to help herself. She got busted for prescription drugs and went to jail for 7 months. I did not get her an attorney and did not bail her out of jail. I figured if she was in jail I knew she was safe and could actually sleep at night. Aly had been in the hospital numerous times for almost od'ing and I had sent her to rehab 3 times. I swore I would never take her back after jail but she was my daughter and I loved her and I took her in, in a heartbeat. I treated her like a teenager with a curfew etc and she was doing really good. I thought after 7 months the habit was kicked. I got her odd jobs and she was so pleasant to be around. She had her own room but would end up in my bed with me and would tell me how much she loved me. Than it all ended October 4th. I can remember coming home that night from work and she was so excited because I bought her a pack of cigarettes which I never did but told her they were on sale. I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me more. The next thing I know is I am doing cpr within the next two hours. She was in such a good mood what made her shoot up I have no clue. Whatever she took it was fast, I still carry her phone with me and she text someone for some xanax and they were out out so they brought her some "killer H" is how he put it. Killer it was. She was texting at 1:13am and pronounced dead at 2:20am.

I miss her, I miss her so much and so does her two sisters and brother. We are still having a hard time dealing with it. I just wish I could be in a Nicolas Sparks book where your loved one who dies contacts you and tells you they are ok and in a better place.

Aly bug I will always love you with all the love I have!!

Love you
(maugh) which in our terms means kisses..

Thank you all for being here and listening..

Comments for I lost my lovely Aly to heroin and prescription drugs.. I miss her so much..

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Jul 19, 2014
mother of Alice
by: Erminia

I am the mother of Alice, a girl of 23 years, died of heroin in Genoa, Italy: October 13, 2011. My daughter had this email address: lovelyaly@live.it
Looking in his email, I found your internet page. Please contact me, I do not speak English well, but I can translate it well enough. My email is: paolo.mu@tin.it
Please contact me; my name is Erminia. I'm Italian and I live in Genoa.
You are very close to my heart.


Feb 10, 2014
by: Anonymous

I am really missing you today Aly, and I am mad. I feel like we all got cheated because you decided to do drugs that night. Your picture is all over the house but yet I wait for you to come to me in a dream and you don't. We all loved you so much, the good with the bad but tonight I am just mad that you made that choice to go away. I so wish you were here, losing you is the ultimate pain for me, Jamie and Amanda. Why??

Jan 23, 2014
I miss you Bug..
by: Michelle

It has been 3 1/2 months since I lost you Aly and it is not getting any easier. I guess I go on for the children I have living but not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I would do anything to have you back with us. Amanda (my oldest) named her baby after you and we have Fynleigh (Aly's daughter) to make us laugh and remember you. I feel for anyone else going through this, everyone says it gets easier with time but I am not seeing that yet. My heart feels broken.

Dec 27, 2013
Lost my 26 yr old son
by: Veronica

I lost my son do to heroin also. He died Dec. 11, 2011. He was such a good kid. I know exactly how you feel. Life isn't the same without him.

Dec 10, 2013
Having an Aly day.
by: Michelle

I can go for days and talk about Aly and not break down, but it will take one small thing and I am a mess for the day. Today was
one of those. I keep telling myself that God took
Her because she did not want to live the drug life again and I couldn't handle it again so he scooped her up and took her. Myself thinking like that helps me but I really miss her
So much. I miss her funny since of humor and her
Great personality. Aly was a trip. I miss her and I lying in bed watching one of our favorite shows. I miss my

Dec 05, 2013
Bug I miss you so much
by: michelle

It's been 2 months today since I lost you. I miss you so much Aly and know I will see you again soon. Everyday is a struggle but I will keep moving on till I see you again. I will take good care of your daughter Fynleigh and your nephew soon to be born. I will always love you!! Mom..

Nov 26, 2013
Thank you Paula
by: MIchelle

Yes your story sounds very much like mine. Thank you so much for sharing. It's strange how alone we feel and than find a site like this and realize we are not the only one's living the nightmare. I am very sorry for your lost and glad you have a little piece of her with your grandbaby.

Nov 25, 2013
Rita and Lori
by: Michelle

Rita thank you for sharing your story. I am very sorry for your loss. I too thought we would make it through, I thought we had it licked and than Aly was taken.

It will be 2 months December 4th but has felt like a lifetime since I lost her and now the holidays are here without her. It's hard but right now I just have faith that I will see her again, that is all I really have to hold on to right now, I don't know what else to do?? Being angry was just making me sadder and I think the other kids felt my anger so I have released my anger (well most of it)and just think about how much I loved her and she loved me.

Lori, you are in my prayers that your son will see the light before it is to late. Being a parent of an addict is so hard. It takes so much emotionally out of you. You love them but don't always like them at times. At times it feels like all they do is take, that is what this drug does. This drug that kills our children kills us parents emotionally. At least it did to me for a couple of years. Anger and guilt was all I felt. Now I can add sorrow to that. I can't give you any advice because nothing worked for me but I pray for you he finds his way. I think the only thing I can say is that you have to take care of yourself and put aside your guilt. Guilt made me insane, no matter what I did I felt guilty. I still do even though I know I did everything I could, but guilt will eat you alive and that is the one thing I am trying to release.

Again I pray for us all..

Nov 25, 2013
so much in common. I hate this club
by: Paula

Reading your story of your Aly reminded me so very much of my daughter Heather. She is forever 26 now and died the same way on 10/3/13. She had been to numerous rehabs over the last few years. Last year she came to me and told me she had almost o.d on heroin but was taken to the hospital and given narcon. She shared with me how scary that was and that she would not be using anymore, sadly I believed her. I knew over the last 6 mos she had been drinking heavily and I continued to try to talk her into another program although she would humor me she never would actually go. I have had her son since he was 2 weeks old. He is now 5. I always thought she would outgrow this whole lifestyle sadly she just couldnt. On Wed Oct 2 she messaged me to tell me she would be coming to my home to sleep over after she went to a wake for a high school friend who passed away out of state from an overdose. I waited until 11pm than figured she changed her mind and went to bed. The police came to my house around 1am to inform me my beautiful baby was dead. We were told they found drugs in the room she was in but are still waiting for the toxicology reports which should be here in the next 2 or 3 weeks. I feel your pain as a Mom and my heart is broken for our kids.. I go to bed every single night wishing and praying to wake from this nightmare

Nov 25, 2013
Thought my daughter would survive it.
by: Rita

My daughter left her body June 27th, 2012. Heroin also. I will add my own page on here later. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for all of our loses. Once the opiates get their claws into our young adults, it's up to them & God if they can overcome it or not. I tried everything, & I had all the faith in the world hat my daughter could & would be able to recover from her addiction. But it took her. I was thinking last night, through tears; You use to be mine. Then friends took you. Then heroin took you, & now you are God's forever. I want you back, because I never let you go. God bless you everyone.

Nov 25, 2013
Aly your beautiful daughter
by: Lori

I would like to say first I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter Aly. As i just found this site when i was looking for help for my son Daniel, who just last week so much heroin that he said he tried to kill himself and lighten up the pain he has caused me and all that love him.
My son had knee surgery and got addicted to the pain medicine and for a year or so he was in such a good place , planning a wedding and had a great job a cute little house he was renting.. wow i think how could this happen, he needed money all the time i just thought his girlfriend wasnt working and she has a son so i helped till i was broke. Then it all came out about 1 year ago and it blew me away Heroin,
Dan told me he said he would do it once because he couldnt get the pills so a friend told him this was good what kills me is his cousin and his friend passed away from drugs and it did not phase him he thought 1 time.Now he went to rehab once for 3 days the other for 6 days and finally after stealing and losing almost everything he said he would go away he went across country and stayed clean 160 days. with know job, and many interviews he was getting depressed, he stole all my money out of my account and tried to kill himself.
I listen to your story and i think should i kick him out well its cold where i live this time of year, I want him to have a roof over his head and he wants help and everyone in his life have pretty much turned there back on him. His brother loves him but doesnt see him much he is 7 years younger then Dan. His step-dad wants nothing to do with him and his father is miles away and i am his only one.
Listening to your story helps me look at my child and my life and think of what could be and what i do will be everything i can for him so he knows i was there like Aly knew you were there for her and stood by her and loved her unconditionally .. I hope you and your family have a Happy Thanksgiving in this time of sorrow.

Nov 23, 2013
I lost my lovely Aly to herlin and prescription drugs.. I miss her so much..
by: Doreen UK

Michelle I am sorry for your loss of your Aly to drugs. Life is so complex and difficult for our children and they are exposed to the harshness and realities of how difficult life is. The youngsters then try a drug that will block out the reality and the pain of what lies ahead of them and by then it is too late. they are hooked. As a mom you can't re-parent your Adult child. It would cause more problems. Parent's and adult children have boundaries and they are there to protect you and your adult child. You could do nothing more than you did.
My sister's son was 30yrs. with no job prospects and no hope of a job. he had nowhere to live and this complicated his life. He suffered depression and was put on Seroxcet for depression with suicidal side effects from this drug. He would go to tall buildings and try to throw himself off. He often cried out to someone to help him. Life got too much for him and 8yrs. ago he threw himself in front of an express train. This loss crushed our family. We all tried in our own way to rescue him, but his inner turmoil was too much and he could not be saved. One never truly recovers from the loss of an adult child to self destruction. We all have to find a way to release ourselves from guilt as nothing more can be done and we have to find a way to go on in life and make a difference for those we still have left in our world. A mom will grieve forever, but let us live with Hope and the pain gets less over time so life is more bearable.

Nov 23, 2013
What could we have done
by: Kate

I replayed that too over in my mind. What could I have done? I should have done this or I could have done that but I do realize I wasn't in control. I wanted to because I didn't want him to drink so much,I wanted to be because I wanted him to not be depressed,I wanted to be because I was worried about the friends he was with, but in actuality I was not in control. He did the cocaine that mixed with alcohol creates a third drug: coaxelene and it stopped his heart. No we were not in control. I too pour out my heart on here,it's my group therapy. I see other struggling through each day and say,I can make it. I cay and mourn alone and only learn each day to deal with it more,there is never a satisfaction only a learning to cope. Go one day at a time. Connected to you in your loss.

Nov 22, 2013
What could we have done??
by: Michelle

Thank you both for sharing your stories and your feelings. I am so sorry for both of your loses. It was mentioned that I should join a support group but I work a lot and everyone on this site is my support group.

One person said that it might of been different if her son had gone to jail or rehab. I have been through it all and my outcome was the same as yours. We all lost a precious child. I sit here and wonder what I could of done different all the time. A 7 day rehab was a joke, seeing her friends die seemed to crush her but yet she still was using, that's the part I don't understand. We were for once in a long time getting somewhere and trying to get her life together until that night. I go over that night over and over in my head and can't for the life of me figure out what went wrong? My only thought was it had been a long time since she had done anything and we were all asleep and she thought she would just get high in the bathroom and no one would know?? That is where we found her lifeless body was on her bathroom floor. I had just talked to her 2 hours prior to that. It haunts me that I couldn't stop it, I should of stayed up later with her, watched a movie done anything to keep her from getting the drugs. But I do know I did EVERYTHING I could this past couple of years. I did the tough love, "you are on your own if you are going to live this life", I did the "rehab" that she would always manipulate through, I left her in jail because I knew she was safe there and it was easier putting money in her commissary knowing she was alive and I would not get a call in the middle of the night. Than I brought her home with open arms and really really thought we had this kicked.

I know I am venting but this website is the only place I have to vent to. I talk openly with her sisters and brother but there are just some things you can't say because you hurt for them too.

Bottom line, I am just hurting, a part of me died with her and I try and keep strong for the rest of my kids. I am blessed with my granddaughter that my best friend adopted months ago and I still have a little part of Aly around.

I wish that our kids would of never been hooked and all these drug dealers go to **ll. I know she made the choice to use that night but I feel as if she was murdered. I wish there was something I could do to save another child and get these dealers off the street but we all know that will never happen.

I pray for all of us and thank you for listening out there.

Nov 22, 2013
Our children
by: Kate

Our children are the heart of our hearts. Losing one of them makes us have an empty place that can never be filled. This is grief,the emptiness,the pain and sorrow. It has been one year I lost my son to alcohol and cocaine mix. A lot of people don't know this mixture can kill you. It is Russian roulette too,that is what the medical examiner doctor told us. My son did coke on occasion . He was not a regular user. He did use alcohol a lot. This night it took his life.h his heart stopped. Drugs are dangerous and yet many continue to use them,not knowing how very dangerous it is. My heart goes out to all on here who have had to face that a drug took their child.it is a nightmare beyond understanding. My heart is with you all as we try to go on without these dear ones in our lives.

Nov 21, 2013
by: Anonymous

I had to comment because I lost my son to Heroin. He was also sweet natured, and we loved him so much. Its been seven months now, and of course its still hard. I'm sorry for your loss. Opiates are so addictive to some people, and I guess my son and your daughter. Stupid drugs, they do more harm than good. Too many young people, "good people" are hooked. Each time you do hard drugs is like doing Russian Roulette. There is no really good reason why they are gone. I just wished that my son could have stayed away from the crap. After addiction, it becomes like food to them. They absolutely need it and will do anything to get it. Cry all you want, it is healing, and find a support group. It'll take some time to get over losing your precious daughter. Its ironic, I sometimes feel if my son had been jailed and made it to rehab, (we had just signed him up) he'd still be here. Sometimes I think we gave him too much. Should have made him leave. He was seeing a psychiatrist and took suboxene. But although we took different routes, we still ended up losing our loved ones. Its so difficult to deal with. I know more now than I did, but still not sure I could have saved him. I wish I could have. We all do...

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