I lost my Mom 3 years ago.....
My name is Sharon and I lost my Mom, 3 years ago the night before Thanksgiving. My Dad had just died 5 months earlier and my Mom just basically gave up on life!! She was 83!!! I miss her soooo much. I didn't realize just how much strength I received just by my Mom's existence! She herself had this quiet strength about her - whereas me, on the other hand was very outgoing and vocal!!!
It was very, VERY hard to see my Mom become this shell of a woman after Daddy's death. I would call her (I lived in CA) at the time and I can remember her telling me, 'Sharon, I miss him soo much!' That used to just break my heart for we were all still so grieving my Daddy's death. Poor MOM!!! When she finally got sick enough where she stayed in the hospital - LIFE STARTED TO BECOME VERY HARD FOR ME!! I knew I was going to lose her soon too!! I wasn't ready for this... I needed her too badly and didn't tell her nearly enough just how much I did!!
She was tired and I could tell she was heartbroken! How can you tell someone like that that YOU can't bear to lose them, when she had so much to contend with herself after losing Daddy. I cannot imagine how hard it was for her being there without him. The hardest part for me was that during the months soon after my Dad's death, it wasn't obvious to me that within less than 6 months Mom was going to be gone too!!! It's so hard because I was so deep in grieving myself, I didn't cherish my last few months with my Mom!!
I can remember having to travel to Chicago (from CA) when I found out she was in the hospital. I was in SO CAL at the time due to the fact that my daughter (26) had had her first of 3 neurosurgeries (she ended up having 2 more - they were craniotomies), but I left there to be by my Mom's side. I spent some great moments with her. She was just wasted away - even since the last time I had seen her which was only 3 months ago!!! She wasn't all there and was sooo sad!! I remember always coming in to her room, I'd kiss her eyelids. She would always have her eyes closed when I walked in and without even opening them she would say, 'That must be Sharon! Always kissing me." I remember replying, 'I'm sorry Mom, I'll stop."
I never forget and it makes me feel real good to always remember and to have forever in my heart what she said back to me, she said, "I didn't tell you to stop, I was just saying I know it's you from your kisses!" I took a picture of my hand holding Mom's hand and it's my screen saver on my computer to this day-somehow I KNEW that this time was going to be my LAST time to see her alive and I wanted that close up for myself forever!!!
I remember when I had to go back to CA to care for my daughter my Mom saying to me, 'Do you really have to go?" To this day that question still haunts me, because I feel that my Mom didn't want me to go and I had to get back to my daughter because of her brain surgery. That was the hardest hardest moment in my LIFE TO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN STAYING WITH MY MOM AND RETURN BACK TO NURSE MY DAUGHTER BACK TO HEALTH!!!
From this point she was in and out of hospital from Sept to when she finally succumbed in Nov. She finally went to a hospice where she died. It was the night before Thanksgiving 2007, I remember starting to cook and the call came. I remember being back in the bedroom by myself, hanging up the phone and just sitting a the foot of my bed. I can vividly remember hearing the holiday sounds in the front of my house and being so detached from it when I was just such a part of it moments earlier. I knew right then in that moment, that my life was changed for the worst for the rest of my life. MY MOM AND DADDY WAS GONE JUST LIKE THAT!!! NOTHING ELSE JUST THAT!!!! I WAS SOOO OVERCOME WITH SADNESS!
I remember both my children my son and daughter coming back in my bedroom since I guess I had been sitting back there for a very long time. They walked in and just said, 'Mom, are you OK?" I couldn't or didn't say anything. My daughter asked me, 'Is it Granny? Is she gone?" I just shook my head and broke down - they both just held me like a baby and I can still feel that feeling of hopelessness and overwhelmingly sadness, just like I feel right now as I type this. Tears are presently streaming down my face, but I have to write this I have to say these things out loud to somebody!!!
I LOVE YOU MOM AND MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU HAS HELPED ME BE A GOOD MOM TO MY KIDS AND WITH THEM BEING ADULTS NOW - THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THE LIFE LESSONS 'YOU' TAUGHT ME - I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!