I lost my mom July 3 2012
by Susan taylor
I lost my mom 17 days ago and can't believe it. My mom May Dinney was the nicest lady.... she was 87 years old. I decided at 50 to go back to school and become a travel agent, my mom was my biggest fan. After my dad died of a sudden heart attack, I moved my mom up to where my husband and my daughters live so we could be 5 minutes away. I took care of everything for my mom after my dad passed away. At 44 years old I got to know her not as my mom but as a woman that I never really knew... for 5 years I took care of her. I called her 3 times a day to check in on her... I never missed a day.... I was worried about going back to school and the time it would take and the work involved would take away time from my mom and me.... and it did but I still managed to call 3 times a day... I seen her slowing down and told my husband but he said every year Susie....you will see signs that she is getting older.... so I just pushed on with school for the last year doing the best I could. I was in the lab and my phone rang July 3 and I was so stressed about a test I was having the next day I didnt answer.... I didnt reconize the number... then I got another call... but I still didnt answer.... then 1 hour later my aunt called and I answered.... your mom was rushed to the hospital... they tried to call you... go . I left called my husband and girls... we all got there and no one could tell me anything. I freaked out... where is she please tell me... I was crying. They put us in a room and the doctor came in and told us she had a heart attack and probably isnt going to make it.... I was stunned... this cant be happening. He left came back 2 minutes later and said she needs surgery and isnt going to make it to the operating room.... he left. We went up to the 3 floor and waited no one came.... I paced up and down... went to see the nurses... no one knew anything... 4 hours later a doctor came to see us to tell me that there no hope... The damage is to far gone she 87... oh well. the bus has stopped for her. I cant be hearing this. That my mom.... I love her.... Im so sorry I didnt get the call. The doctor told me she asked for me... told the nurse her 50 year daughters in school... she wont answer the phone... now the doctor comes back she gone... What What she cant be. I talked to her last night... before I went to bed. He asked if I wanted to see her... Everyone is crying... I see her in ICU... she dead. I hold her hand.. I kiss her ... I hug her... I cant breath.... this cant be happening.... I love her I'm not ready to say good bye... I lift her head ... wake up mom please.... please.... I'm so sorry I didnt answer the call please forgive me.... I'm so sorry.... I love you dont go.... My husband comes and says we have to go... I cant that my mom.... thats my mom..... please... We leave I cant believe it.... I go home and take 2 sleeping pills.... my mom is gone what the fuck just happened.... I wake up and the rest is a nightmare... I planned her service viewed her again at the funearl home.... I went to see her every night there ... my husband and girls said I'm losing my mind. We laid her to rest with my dad... i bought her a niche to put my dad and her together... My heart is breaking... I cry all day... had to go back to University.. a week after... study and take test.... I only have 2 weeks left. I failed the last 2 exams.... but I have to suck it up and carry on... my mom would want that. One teacher had a extra 4 bonus marks to who ever was in class on Jul 6... I was cremating my mother... that day.... he said sorry but oh well... I got 58 on the exam and 60 was the pass... the bonus marks would have passed me... I never missed a class in a year... and when I got my test back today... he put an F in the right cornor of it.... he never did that to anyone that failed before... it was the icing on the cake.... i just cried and cried.... how cruel he was to me when he knew my mom just died.... I cant breath.... the pain is so great... i know she was 87.... but I loved her and she was alone asking for me... i feel so gulity... I cant stop crying................