I lost my mom to alcohol

by Heather
(New york)

My mom was a very loving, caring mom when my parents were together. In 2008, my parents got divorced and my mom couldn't take it. She obsessed over him, demonized him and wanted everyone else, including my sister and I to hate him too. It always made me mad that we maintained a relationship with him. My mom couldn't not deal with her inner demons and began drinking excessive amount of alcohol. She couldn't have just a couple of drinks, she had to have like 10 until she passed out. She also abused pain meds and sleeping pills prescribed from her doctor. She was a very depressed, sad woman who hated herself for reasons I never figured out. I would get so mad at her when she would drink because she was such a mean evil drunk. She would say hurtful things to me regarding my father. There would be periods where I would stop talking to her all together hoping it would sober her up but it never did. I would go through her room finding wine bottles stuffed in every crevice of her room. She got one DWI and one DUI, lost her license for about six months an I would have to drive her to work everyday. All I wanted was my mom back, the loving caring mom that I knew an missed. She got pretty bad, where she would embarrass me in front of my friends and boyfriend . She started combining alcohol with pills. I told her that I had enough and moved out with my boyfriend. I was so unbelievably mad at her. I didn't see her for Mother's Day about a week later because I felt she didn't deserve it. A few days after that I saw her at my best friends baby shower and the first thing she did was grab for the wine and downed it. I got so mad and told her to leave. She gave me a birthday card and I gave it back to her. I always felt that she would try to indirectly apologize to me by giving me money but it didn't work anymore. I was exhausted and fed up. The next day was my birthday. I couldn't go see her because I went to the city. She called me but I didn't pick up out of anger. She drank drawled to death about three hours later. I'm can't even mourn her because I'm so mad at her. How could she do this to me? On my birthday knowing I would have to much guilt due to or rocky relationship. She left in such a bad, disrespectful way. How could she do this to me? On my own birthday. I feel sick. I want my mom back. I want her to know I love her and thy I'm sorry. I just couldn't deal with her addictions anymore.

Comments for I lost my mom to alcohol

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Jul 28, 2013
Moms death from alcohol
by: Anonymous


I lost my mom to alcohol too. My dad died when I was 18, got murdered. My mom went off the deep end and did a total 360. She met my stepdad and he is a decent person. She continued to drink with a fatty liver. Still was flipping out, having meltdowns, beating people up...it was a rollercoaster with her. She was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver and got really sick...ended up in the hospital so they could pump her stomache b/c everything backed up and her esophagus veins ruptured. After that she got so sick and I took care of her everyday and watched her die. The saddest part is I know she wanted to stop b/c in Oct 2011 she went into rehab...and ended up dying Aug 2012. It was a hard death to watch. My stepdad had to call 911 one day cause she was throwing up, soiling herself had chills and fever like she had the flu but he knew something was wrong b/c she was unresponsive...when 911 took her to the er and I got there it was something I didn't wexpect to see and wish it on no one. She bleed out every hole in her body. I miss her so much and my kids do too. I was 29 with no parents. If you would like to talk since we know how alcohol can rip families apart...please feel free to email me NicoleSutton434@yahoo.com. Hang in there....some days will get easier then others. -Nicole

Jun 30, 2013
From one to another
by: Saga

The first comment; don't listen to it. I know how you feel, my mom also decided to drink and to commit suicide. It was her own decision - everything. The alcohol, the meds, the suicide. I'm really mad at her and I hate her but I still miss that person she was when she was happy - when I was a little child. But at the same time I hate that person who scared me to death, who was mean and whom I did not love. That part of her haunts me in my dreams and scares my every time I see a drunk adult.
It's incredibly hard to deal with a mom passing away with two personalities. My mother killed herself by laying in front of a train four months ago. No letter, no goodbye, no nothing. I no longer get out of my bed but I made a memorial book which helped me a little bit. I miss her and hate her every day and I don't know how to live with this. I would need someone to talk to so if you would like I could give you my email.
And I'm sorry about my grammar, I'm from Sweden and grammar is not my strongest side...
Stay strong, you're not alone and not me either. Thanks for sharing your story!

Jun 07, 2013
alcohol is progressively addictive
by: Anonymous

Hate the alcohol and what it has done, not your mum.

May 22, 2013
I lost my mom to alcohol
by: Doreen U.K.

Heather I am sorry for your loss of your mom. I have a similar story. My mom got divorced and she tried to turn us against our father. The alcohol changed her personality and she became ugly on the outside but still the loving caring mom we knew and loved. Due to alcohol it causes children to become co-dependant and the dynamics in the family change. You will be mad for a long time till you get help with the anger. Don't let it destroy you or eat you up. A trained counsellor can help you with this. It is a horrible place to be in when you feel let down by your mother or father who are supposed to nurture you. I felt the same way as you did but I had a strong spiritual upbringing. It somehow causes confusion and ambivalence in children in the family. But I being the caretaker of 2 adults and 5 children put immense burdens on me and I had to go into counselling too late in life when the damage was done so that I could cope with life. I don't feel angry or hateful towards my mom for her drinking and not being able to care for us because her unhappiness made her ill and not able to cope. I had to take over at 11yrs of age. My mother wouldn't have taken to alcohol unless she could cope and had the support she needed. This is the sadness of a life not lived well and the children end up as the casualties. But you can get past your anger and go on to live a fulfilled life. But it will take good lot of support and care from a counsellor to help you restructure your life. I did it. Be determined to build a better life for yourself than the one you had. But don't be angry with your mom forever. Find acceptance in what happened and move forward in time. You can be happy again. Often we have to build our own happiness into our life and make it better. It is possible. I am a survivor. You can be one also.

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