I lost my mom to cancer just 5 1/2 weeks after diagnosis.

by Beth A. Innerst
(Dallastown, PA. USA)

I'm 51 years old and lost my mom on December 14, 2011 after a short battle with cancer.
My mom was so full of life, she and my dad loved to travel after they retired. They visited many places and enjoyed the company of each other.
Let me say that their relationship started when my mom was 13 and my dad was 15 years old. They met on a hay ride one night. My mom didn't even like my dad at first, but after a while she softened up to him and they began dating. My mom ended up getting pregnant when she was just 15 years old (back in 1958) and they got married. They had 3 children before her 18th birthday!
Let me just say that because of their young age, they had some very rocky moments together, but as love would have it, they survived the hard times and went on to be such a happy couple. Over the past 15 years, my dad would bring my mom a rose in everyday from their rose bush and she would have roses in a bowl from May through the first frost.
The year 2011 was no different, only this time she decided she would put the petals from the roses in clear glass balls that you could hang or sit. There were 6 or 7 of these glass balls that she had placed in a wooden bowl.
When mom passed in the wee early hours of December 14, the family all gathered around and as I sat in her chair in the den I looked and found the very last my dad had brought in for her just days before. (you see December this year was very warm, usually we have frost in late November, but as God would have it, it was unusually warm). I picked up the rose and showed my dad. He was very emotional at seeing this last rose. Like it was to be very special to him for eternity, for after all, she touched this and smelled this with her hands days before she passed.
At the funeral, the pastor started out with, "I love a love story" and shared some of the story of how my folks met. And then later on she shared that "she hates a love story, for there always has to be a sad ending to them".
My dad will always cherish those rose petals and the last rose that my mom touched.
My mom and dad were married almost 54 years, and they were inseparable.
The pain of her death is still very much fresh to me and all our family.
I get up every day and look up in the sky and say to her, "I miss you mom". Some days it's so hard to go through the day. There are many days that I still cry, that I don't know how I made it this far into the mourning process without losing my mind.
It is through tears that I write this today to share with whoever will read it.
And I think that if I live for another 20 years I must face every day of those 20 years with out my mom.
I also have been blessed though, for my folks took my husband and I and my brother and sister-in-law on a cruise in June 2011. We got to spend some great time together and it was wonderful to experience that. The summer of 2011 my mom and I got to spend a lot of time together shopping and laughing, having lunch together and just hanging out. As I look back over these past several months, I am so blessed to have been able to spend so much time with her and enjoy her. I even played a video for her of a country song that came out in October 2011 that I told her was dedicated to her. It was called, "Just Like My Mom". She cried the day that I played it for her. She knew how much I loved her and the rest of the family as well. We all rallied around her when we found out she was sick.
Now we rally around my dad, who just went through a prostate biopsy to see if he has prostate cancer. We find out this Friday if it is cancer.
I thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story with you, it has been another step in the healing process.

Comments for I lost my mom to cancer just 5 1/2 weeks after diagnosis.

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Jan 31, 2012
by: Candace W

Thank you for sharing. I have no idea how I stumbled upon this site tonight, but I am very thankful that i did.

Jan 27, 2012
She was a lady.
by: Peggy Hildebrand

I am so glad that u wrote this. She was quite a lady and I am so glad that you both got to know each other in your adulthood. Tears fill my eyes for I remember her with tenderness in my heart. Cherish her memories forever. I promise it gets better.

Jan 26, 2012
sounds like you are in the same shoes as our family
by: Anonymous

It has been a really hard time for our family. I feel so bad for my dad. He misses my mom so much. He thinks he is imposing upon our lives and that we need to live our own lives and I tell him you are part of that live. Then he starts crying and I feel bad again, but at least he knows he is loved by his family.
My mom was wonderful, the Monday before she passed, I spent a good bit of the day with her along with my aunt. She was in good spirits even though she got tired and had to go to bed. That night she was up sitting in the living room with my brother and his family, they were laughing and joking, just like she was before she got sick. Then something happened over night. She took a turn for the worst, had gotten up through the night to use the bathroom and almost fell, then in the morning she didn't have the energy to get out of bed at all. My dad had to carry her. I left work after dad told me something happened over night and when I walked in to the bedroom and watched her laying on the bed with quick shallow breaths I feared the worst and the family was called in. She was in and out all day long, talking about things that were not there. The blessing was that we each had our time with her to hold her hand, give her love and say our good byes. She passed in the wee hours of Wednesday morning.
I feel for you my friend that you lost your mom in the hospital. At least we did get to spend some great time with my mom, although don't get me wrong, it doesn't make the loss any easier. It has definitely left a very huge void within our lives. It's so lonely at times, something will happen that I want to share with my mom and I'll run for the phone only to realize that I can't call her for she isn't there. That's one of the hardest parts. My mom and I talked a lot to each other. I would call her for advice, or just to talk to see what she was up to.
We just have to continue to hold on to the hope that one day things will brighten up. We have to rely upon our memories to get us through each day, and know that one day we will be able to smile when we think of our mom's.
May you be able to heal a little bit, and may this web site be able to give you strength to endure. God Bless You.

Jan 26, 2012
What your Mom was to us
by: Connie Hutchison

You see we where new in the area. We met you Mom and Dad over a car, their car which Trent my husband loved. We had a long conversation in a parking lot. They invited us to some car shows and then to join a car club. Well it went from the the hours we would sit at car shows, the hours we would have long wonderful times we spent sharing car talk. They both welcomed us with open arms and your Mom always had snacks no matter what time or day we stopped in. We plan to visit your Dad alot now and hope we somehow can ease his pain and your family. They treat us like there own. Yes we have been adopted by the Hake Family and we love all of you like family. Just know your Mom is in Heaven and that is a Wonderful thing. LOVE AND MANY PRAYERS Trent and Connie Hutchison

Jan 25, 2012
The loss of a mother
by: Leslie

I am so sorry for your loss....
I know how it feels to lose your Mom because I lost my Mom (and best friend) on Nov. 18th, 2011.
I am 43 yrs. old and she was my life (besides my two children & husband).
My Mom died suddenly after bypass surgery. She was only 70 yrs. old. She was told that it would be an easy recovery since she was otherwise a very healthy woman ( no diabetes, illnesses, etc.), but what the Doctors didn't know was that after they opened my Mom up, her heart was very weak from all the years of high blood pressure.
We got the dreadful phone call that she passed just hours after leaving the hospital that night.
I'm still in total shock. My Mom wasn't even sick. The last time she was in a hospital was 35 years before when she had my sister. She never smoked, drank or had any vices.... The only problem that she had was high blood pressure. She was closely watched by her doctor every few months and was given pills to take .
the shock is that, when my Mom was going into surgery that morning, me and my family were laughing with her and telling jokes with her. We were so sure that she would be o.k.
Boy, were we ever wrong.
I cry everyday and it's been 8 weeks.... I can barely take care of my 4 & 6 yr. old children without breaking down.
I know that the loss of a mother is very difficult (because I'm living it), but I do feel thankful that I have a wonderful family that share my feelings.
I hope that you and anyone else on this site have those special people in their lives to help their grieving process. If you don't have anyone close, then there are so many grief counselors that you can contact (in any state).
I know I'm still too weak mentally to say that anyone will be o.k., because I'm still trying to understand all this myself, but try to be strong and take each day as they come. Talking to my Mom every morning has helped me ....

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