I lost my Mother when I was 6 from Skin Cancer
by Dillon James Baack
There is no denying that my mother cared for me more than anyone in the world, being her one and only son. I only got to spend 6 (5 if you dont count the painful year she was sick) wonderful years with her. I remember her very well still and the good times I had with her, but I also remember the year leading up to her death which is what has been giving me greif for the past couple days. Before I go into the present I will talk about the year just to get it off my chest.
This is what I remember, the time frame may not be accurate.
Early 2000- My mother is diagnosed with Melanoma (I dont know what stage it was)
My dad took her to the doctor frequently and she would go to different states for treatment
Mid 2000- The treatment seemed to be going alright in my mind, but I had no concept of what was going on
My mom was walking around and going out with dad and i so everything seemed like it was going alright for a while.
She was throwing up because of the Chemo, and her hair was gone so she wore a wig, or a hat
Mid/Late 2000- I dont have very many memories of what the complications were, but by this point she was bed ridden and week at the house and my dad would sleep next to her on the couch, while she slept on a special bed.
My family started to come down and I just thought of it as a get together and didnt think much of it. I realize now that things were not looking to good so they came down to support my dad and help take care of my mother.
Late 2000- Things were not looking good and by this time my mother or father couldnt give me the attention a 6 year old needed and I was obviously not aware that basicly my mother was sent home to die.
So I was sent to stay with some family friends, I don't remember how long I was there, but I remember the quiet drive home on November 15th 2000.
I saw my mothers special bed in the garage and the first thought in my mind was that she was all better, but even in my 6 year old mind I still knew something was wrong.
My dad sat me on the couch the same way he did when he told me she was very sick, and told me she had died that morning.
I never cried once about it the entire time, my dad cried about it for a while. I remember not wanting to go to the viewing, which I regret because I wish I could have seen her one last time. I remember the funeral and just looking at the coffin knowing my mother was in there, and I remember when they sealed her in the moseleum.
The next 7 years I lived a normal kids life and didnt really think about it all too much. Until I hit middle school then it started to hit me, not as bad as now but still for the first time I had cried about my mothers death. The memories went away through most of high school, I still thought about her of course but never enough to let it get to me emotionally.
Now I am 17 and about to graduate high school and for the past couple days I have been thinking about it. Not so much the memories of when she was healthy but memories of her death and the pain that was around at the time. A lot of these memories I had repressed and thought I was all over them, but they have really been bothering me for the past couple days. I'm sure this kind of stuff is normal for a kid who lost a mother at a young age, but I thought its about time that I went out and talked about it or shared my story.
Thank You Dillon James Baack In loving memory of Banne' Baack 1963-2000
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