I lost my Mother

by Sherry Gutenberg
(Great Falls, Montana)

I was told by my mother several years ago that she had Congestive Heart failure along with other things such as COPD and diabetes. I never thought it would get bad due to technology these days, you never know with what they are going to come up with next. If anything I was completely blinded by denial.I would get upset with her because she really would not do anything to help the situation by smoking like a chimney and eating all the wrong foods and it would completely throw her blood sugar out of wack. It got to the point to where she could not take care of herself anymore and she would sit in complete filth and sit there and tell her children everything was great. Eventually we had to wait till she was knocking on death's door to drag her out of her house and to the Emergency room. There we were told if we had not done what we just pulled, my mother would have died due to her heart condition, a lung infection and her blood cell count was 726! Well after that event we finally pulled a string or 2 and got my Mother into a nursing home. After that Mom just wasn't the same. The Doctor's told us she did some permanent damage when it came to memory. Well she lasted 18 beautiful months and I just now lost her March 10th.I sat there and held her hand for the last 3 days of her life and watch her slowly drown on her body fluids, and watching her struggle for breath. I don't want to watch something like that ever again! The image still has not left my mind and I don't think it ever will! She was completely surrounded by her family and their love. I was soooo mad at her thinking why didn't you do anything to help yourself? You have beautiful children, beautiful grandchildren why do you want to leave us all? Do we mean anything to you? Her body just couldn't take anymore. The last words she said to me before slipping into a Morphine induced slumber was, "Sissy I'm gonna go see your Pa-Pa and Uncle Jimmy now o.k.?" Of coarse I said o.k. Ma-Ma, I told her I loved her and would miss her too much, she closed her eyes and it took a good hour for her to finally release and go. Im still in disbelief that she's gone! No more phone calls, no more going for rides, no more having family BBQ's with Mom as guest of honor, and her spot at the table is empty now and it kills me.

Comments for I lost my Mother

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Mar 31, 2013
my mum was her own worst enermy
by: Anonymous

i read your story and it is exactly the same thing happened to me and my mum with her not helping herself etc, i totally understand i feel so lost

Mar 26, 2013
I lost my Mother
by: Doreen U.K.

Sherry I am sorry for your loss of your mother from your life leaving a large hole in your heart. You all as her children were very caring to pull her out of her house take her into hand and put some care in place for her.
I don't think your mother cared less for you all by her not taking better care of herself. She as an older woman just got in a rut and let things slip. She was in her comfort zone. She may not have had the motivation to change her life around. She may have thought that now her children are all grown up and living their own lives she was content and secure in this. She probably indulged in comfort eating which didn't help her medical condition. Her life was limited by lack of care and this is causing you all her children to miss her so much and wonder why she left you all so soon. Perhaps sooner than anticipated. Grief is hard. You will get your life back and be able to honour your mother's memories of her life and family.

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