I Lost MY MUm 15th May 2013 3 weeks after diagnois

by Jan Williams
(Auckland NZ)

My Mum was on a tour of Queenstoen in Nz from the 11th April till the 16th April 2013.he came home had a very sore back and had scans we wee told she had cancer of the spine and lesions on the brain. She passed away 3 weeks later very quick as we were told she had about 6 months. Everythinklyg went downhill very quickly.ckA shock and devastating to us all/

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Jun 01, 2013
It's almost 1 year
by: Penny

My mum was my best friend. Nothing mattered until I'd shared it with her. We were so in sync with each others thoughts that we'd often finish each others sentences. May 2009 clear mammogram. Sept 2010 stage 4 BC with mets on spine. I cared for her & lived every second of this nightmare with her. She died June 2012. I still wake up & it hits me all over again. Everyday I cry, the pain is the worst I've ever known. I'm still yet to see through the haze & all I think about is my beautiful mum. In the past 12mths the pain has not subsided, the tears haven't stopped. I now care for my dad. They were married 44 years. All I want is to die & be with my mum.

May 31, 2013
everyone that lives must die
by: Anonymous

When the good Lord is ready to take you, He will. That goes for all of us! One day we will all see our loved ones as we will meet up in the same place. You must enjoy and spend all the time you can with people you love and people that love you. We are here on a journey, but the journey continues just in a different form. There are young children that die of cancer and other diseases everyday all over the world. You must still count all of your blessings and thank the Lord for the life He has given you. Your children and grandchildren will always remember you for the person you were until they see you again......which they will. Have faith i the Lord, be good to people while you are here and your reward will be with the Lord! Amen

May 31, 2013
Cancer has left me numb
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for all your losses of family to cancer. There is nothing seriously wrong with you. You have a broken heart from all your losses and you don't know how to cope with this. You are not meant to cope with it all as it is often too much to handle all at once. You could benefit from seeing a grief counsellor so you can grieve each loss. It is all piled up on top of each other and you can't sort it all out which is why you are feeling numb. You are not acting cold. You are not a cold person. Don't doubt yourself. You have been through the wars with grief and loss of family members and you need time to heal. You certainly don't need friends or family telling you to get over your loss. I can understand why you lie to people when they ask you how you are. I think most of us on this site feel the same way. People can become insensitive and say the wrong things and many people don't know what to say. You need someone to let you talk and say what you want and to not judge you. You need to pour your heart out and cry all you want to so you can heal from your losses. You need someone to just let you be yourself for however long you need them to walk with you through this grief. This is why many people go to see a counsellor who will give them the time and space to talk and they will listen and use their skill to help you work out your feelings, and release this pain inside you. You could also keep a journal and write out how you feel so you get it out of your system. You could write in the form of letters to your mother as if you were talking to her and telling her how you feel and how painful life is for you just now. I hope that you have better days ahead and are able to cope with your loss's in time.

May 31, 2013
I too lost my mum recently
by: Michelle

HI Jan

I too lost my mum recently too. My mum passed away on the 10th May 2013 from Bone cancer. The end came very quickly and we did not expect it, though she had been fighting it for 3 years. I never knew grief could feel so bad. My dad is not coping and is just a shell of a man he used to be. My parents had been together for 44 years and were soulmates. We are still finding it hard to believe she is gone and when we go to the cemetery it is hard to see her name on the cross. I also find it hard to look at her photos as it just feels so warm (if that makes sense). Like it is all a dream. I can't dream of her though my son does. His dreams are vivid and involves running into my mum everywhere he goes. I also have a daughter that is trying to come to terms with it. This is the first form of grief that Myself and my children have had to deal with. I understand the pain you are feeling. It is pain like no other that I have ever felt. There is also a feeling of loneliness. There is a constant void. When my children are at school I feel like I am in autopilot to get through the day. Though my days are spent with my dad to help him through it.

Cancer is such a dreaded disease that always seems to find the good people. It is horrible to watch.

Apparently the pain does eventually cease though the void will always be there. We just need to learn to live with it. There is always the "what if' and 'If we had just.." questions that we will never get the answers too. Or the what happened??

I guess it will take time. I hope you have a lot of support around you. We certainly do and are surround by beautiful people. While they can't take the pain away there is comfort knowing they are there.

Good luck Jan. I hope in time we both find a way to keep going without the excruciating pain


May 30, 2013
cancer has left me numb
by: me too

Cancer has ripped through my family like a tormado. I am completly numb. My father, my cousin who was like my sister, two uncles and my precious mother. My mother died April 7, 2011 13 days after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I am completly devestated i am an unmarried 47 year old only child now 2/3's of my family are dead. My mother my best friend, my cheering squad just gone.....how can this be...what did i ever do....what did she ever do....such a quiet gentle soul who lived for me and her greatest fear was dieing and leaving me alone. Well, it happened and yes i am alone....i have a large extended family that loves me but does not understand my grieving. How can they understand I come home to an empty house....she used to wait by the door for me to arrive. She suffered from severe depression since my father's death but seeing me always brought her a smile. She suffered the pains of hell for 13 days.I would have traded places with her in a flash...I prayed that I would die too......I never left the hospital 24/7 literally I never left her room. She held my hand up until the minute that she died....I am haunted by her suffering, the enormous hole the gut wrenching pain....Oh yes i go to work every day no one has any idea what i am truly feeling....the enormous void....when asked how i am doing my answer is always oh i am doing fine i give acadamy award performances....why would i bother to share i don't want to hear what they tell me..."She would not want to see you like this....people have it worse....life is for the living.....and the icing on the cake...'well it has been two years you need to get over it" So instead of hearing all of this I say I am fine thank you for asking.....better to lie so I don't get even more upset....
The cancers in my family all hide so well, my wonderful father esogel, my beautiful cousin bowel, and the shock of my life my mother ovarian how could her entire body be filled with cancer and she was diagnosed 13 days before she died...no good byes...no final words....nothing....her suffering i can't get over. Why was such a simple, giving caring woman made to suffer in such an indescribable manner....When people talk about hell....I think this is hell....I feel so numb I used to be so sensitive to other people and their looses now i just don't feel anything. Am I normal? or have i become so cold i just don't know what i believe i used to be so faith filled now i question everything

May 30, 2013
I Lost my mum 15th May 2013 3 weeks after diagnosis
by: Doreen U.K.

Jan I am so sorry for your loss of your Mum to a sudden death. Cancer rips through families and destroys them. Cancer destroyed us as a family. My husband had a rare and serious form of cancer caused by working with Asbestos. I never knew how long he had to live. I didn't want to know. His cancer was incurable, inoperable, and aggressive. He survived 3yrs.39days and died 13 months ago. We were married 44yrs. and so this loss is not going to be easy. The more we live with someone the greater the Healing from that loss. Our grief seems to go on forever.
Our mother's nurture us and so it doesn't matter how old they are we are never ready to let them go. I lost my mother to a heart attack 10yrs. ago. I have only started to grieve for her at the same time I lost my husband. I have been numb all this time. It took the loss of my husband to trigger off the loss of my mother. It makes the grief journey that much longer and tedious. 3 weeks is a very short time to lose someone after diagnosis. Many people get a remission from their cancer. But there are more deaths to this disease. Cancer is as common as the flu. Just hearing the word Cancer makes one feel they are going to die. Going through life each day I used to pause and Think. "What will I do if I lose my husband?" "What will I do if I lose any family member? WELL it is only when one does lose a loved one that we feel what grief is like. WE could never imagine it. It leaves us more vulnerable to loss. I now Hope I don't lose one of my 5 siblings or any of my 3 Adult children. I hope that you have good support as this does help. Just know you are not alone and we are all on this site grieving with you.

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