I Lost my mum due to cancer....
by Lucianna Lawrence
Hi. 3 years ago i lost my mum due to GBM grade 4 cancer. I was in my first few years of high school when she became seriously ill. Some doctors messed about diagnosing her saying she might be pregnant. Then others, more professional ones, said she might have a brain tumour. Then finally they diagnosed her with GBm grade 4 (Gioglastoma) cancer. For all the years she was ill and the first two years i was in shock and i was so young i didn't really know what was happening. This past year i've started grieving. It's felt like walking through hell. It's worse than a nightmare. Everyone keeps saying it get's better in time but it just seems like it get's worse or better for abit then worse agai8n after. Just like cancwer. One minjute it's fine and looks like it's clearing then the next she's almost dead. We had a couple of times where i was with mum and she almost went. Some doctors were very helpful and i thank them for everything they did. Theres so much i can write about and say but i'm shaking right now and i'm actually in school. :/ oops. :) I feel bad for my mum because of when she was ill. One of her birthdays she spent on holiday somewhere in a static caravan. She was ill for the whole week. I remember every sign of when mum was ill. From sickness to bed sores to having a cathatar. My dad hasn't coped very well since she's been gone. My brother is only two years older than me. He's now doing his first year in uni. The first two years since my mums death i was in shock and did everything humanly possible to keep my familly together. I still try now. I'm always worrying about eveyone and i've also gone to have counselling. I'm not sure if it's helping but she seems to think i'm doing well. I worry about everything. And when i'm down there never seems to be anyone there to help me get back up onto my feet. I've kind of learnt to get up on my own. But i'm still struggling alot. When i cry over mum, which isn't very often, I get really bad pains in my stomach and i get bad head aches. I hate getting the stomach pains. And when i cry the weakness and stuff lasts for a couple of days. The main thing that helps me is listening to music. Wether it actually helps i don't know. The year of grieving got so bad at one ppoint i started cutting myself, probably influenced by one of my friends, not their fault, but i've stopped now. I know it doesn't do anything to help the situation. Aswell as the death of my mum and exams and classes and school i've also been missing my old next door neighbour. She was an old lady i called Lil. She was my only best friend where i used to live when i was little. When i moved i promised her i would go back and see her and give her a hug. It's been a good few years now and i haven't seen her. The last i heard, she had a stroke and was put into a care home. That's why i feel sad because i don't know if she's still alive. I still miss my ducks that died that we had the first few years we moved over to where we are now. I loved them so much. They had so much personality. I'll write again soon.