I lost my only sister

by Deanna
(West Virginia)

My beautiful baby sister Debbie

My beautiful baby sister Debbie

On August 2nd I lost my only sister and I feel as if I've lost myself in the grieving process. I don't know how to feel, I don't want to feel. I am closing out everyone around me that loves me and I can't seem to stop myself. I thought if I'd share my story and share who my sister was to me it might help..... My sister's name was( I typed IS first, how do I get past that, when I want her to still be with me) Debbie. Debbie was only 18 months younger than me. Growing up we always shared a room and other than the usual childhood struggles, we were great sisters together. As we grew up, we still, other than what we considered the usual sibling struggles, had a great relationship. Debbie was always there for me no matter what. We've been through just about everything together (dating, marriage, childbirth, nursing trials, parenting, miscarriage,birthday parties, infidelity, our spiritual lives, everything.
Debbie was diagnosed with Systemic Scleroderma 4 yrs. ago. Up until this time, no one I know, I had never heard the word or diagnosis of Scleroderma. It is an auto-immune disease that attacks the body and brings the body's collagen to the surface of the skin, causing the body to harden...like stone....Debbie's body, within about a year was hard all over, her fingers bent at the first and second knuckles so tightly that the skin would burst into ulcers. Her whole body was stiff to move, rendering her almost helpless at times throughout her battle with this disease. She had ups and downs....the ups came mostly because of who Debbie was...a fighter....a brave woman who never gave up. She was very independent, wanting to live on her own and have a home for her 3 children and 2 grandchildren to come home to. She wanted to be able to have dinner for them, holidays for them and just time at home with mom for them. She was/is the strongest woman I know!!! She is truly my hero.
Scleroderma took her life August 2nd at the very young age of 42. She went into multiple organ failure and her feeble body could not recover, although she fought hard to survive.
Her death has left a whole in my heart that I feel like will never be healed. I know that the Lord will one day help me move past this pain, but right now, I can't seem to get past it. I miss her so deeply, like I never thought I could miss anyone. Every day seems like a nightmare and I just want to wake up. I know she is in Heaven, but for some reason that isn't bringing me the comfort that I thought it would. I know it should, and that hurts me as well, because I feel like I've strayed from my Savior and I'm not allowing him to comfort me.
I hope to be able to come here often and write my thoughts and read the thoughts of others. I know my sister would want me to continue living my life...she would never come and live with me and my family for the fact that we lived life and she didn't want to get in the way of that.
I love my sister and miss her so terribly!! I need help learning to live without her. I also need help with grieving her in a positive way, instead of thinking about what I can never have.
Can I say before I stop....I miss her smile, her beautiful big brown eyes, I miss her cooking, I miss our conversations, I miss her touch, I miss her smell ...I miss everything about her.
In just 4 short days she will have been gone from my life for 3 months and it still feels like it was yesterday that Jesus took her home to be with him. Please, if any of you are believers, pray for me to reach that place in my heart that I'll find comfort, all the way around, in the fact that she is with Jesus.
I love you Debbie

Comments for I lost my only sister

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Feb 16, 2013
Your sister
by: Kate

I lost my sister in December ,3weeks after my son died. I miss them both so much. It is so hard! We all on here have such pain and heartache,somehow we go on. My heart goes out to you in your loss.

Dec 25, 2012
your sister Debbie
by: Anonymous

I too am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sister unexpectedly 6 days ago, and have no clue how to live without her. I felt honored to read your sisters story, and she will forever be alive in your heart.

Oct 30, 2012
I lost my older sister
by: Doreen U.K.

Deanna I am sorry for your loss of your beautiful sister Debbie to such a very CRUEL DISEASE. It doesn't seem fair in life to lose our loved one's so soon at a young age, and especially having to leave children and young grandchildren without a mother and grandmother. 42yrs. is such a young age to lose your life, and a sister. I have 4 sisters. I am the fifth and I couldn't bear to lose any one of my sisters. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 6 months ago to cancer. He survived 3yrs.39days with a deadly cancer that was so painfull for all of us as a family to watch the one we love die slowly. I have a strong belief in God but I felt so very angry, because I believe in HEALING & MIRACLES. I kept waiting for this to happen but instead by dearest husband drew his last breath and God might as well have taken me as well as I feel so DEAD inside. I barely function. I don't know when my grief will get easier from all this pain, but the LOSS I will never get over.
If you are struggling with grief you may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor for support. This will enable you to move forward better and ease the pain of loss. Losing a loved one is such a heavy burden to carry throughout life. We can't look beyond our life either in order to cope and go on each day. Grief has stages and TIME to HEAL from our loss that seems like an eternity. Life goes on for everyone. I suppose most of the human race will face this sort of tragedy at least once in their life as we are all born with the same frailty of life with all these diseases that come upon us. But I have to just go on each day ALONE. LONLINESS by itself feels like an emotional cancer. It doesn't matter how we fill our time we will always have this EMPTY feeling. I hope that you have other supportive family and some friends who will support you through your loss till you feel able to carry on. If you belong to a Church you will feel LOVED and supported well spiritually. Grief is a journey we take alone. Even if we share it with others we will still carry the pain and it will take TIME to Recover.

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