I lost my role model, and the man i never had the courage to say "I love you" in 1 month

by lexi

I have never had a family member die before this, or even a friend. So i know this may come off as naive but to me every one around me would continue to grow and share moments with me. The thought of death was never an option until now. I come from a broken family and the one person who kept her family together and taught me so much growing up died this past August (2014). Im active duty over seas and one side of my family never contacts me. So when i received a surprise call from that one side, it was to only tell me that she died. I tried everything i could to get to the states for the funeral, but i was stuck over here. For 2 weeks i was dumbfounded and i have or had so much to ask her, or hear her stories one last time. Or even play our favorite game together. Then late August (2014) i find out that the one man who has never escaped my mind has died. He was in the military too, we joined together. We were stationed at different bases and knew that nothing serious could happen because of distance, but still we made an effort to see each other every Christmas. We even had a plan to get out and go back to college in our home town. He had wanted me to visit him that July, and i didnt fly over because i didnt have enough in my savings. When he went home to his families house he was hit by a car. he was still alive when he got to the hospital, but his injuries were too extensive. And i keep thinking did he know exactly how i felt? why didnt i use the stupid measly money to see him, i could have seen him one last time. I didnt know he was going to die, i didnt know but i feel so guilty and angry. Ive never had to deal with grief and now these two wonderful amazing people are gone and theres no going back. i find myself crying at random times, along with other things. What was the point in their deaths? one was very old and i knew she would leave us soon, but i wasnt ready. And he didnt deserve to die. I never got to tell him that after 5 years of playing coy with each other that i loved him. i didnt even get to say goodbye to either of them. I dont know when i will ever feel "normal" again.

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Sep 28, 2014
Hi Lexi, I need your help!
by: Jennie

I am so very sorry for the losses you have endured, my sincerest condolences. We have transitioned to a new system, and for better access to advice and support, please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help also for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 17, 2014
I lost my role model, and the man I never had the courage to say "I love you" in 1 month
by: Doreen UK

Lexi we are meant to enjoy life and each other and not think of death that would spoil the relationships we have with each other. We keep tucked in the back of our mind that we will all die one day. So we don't touch the subject till we need to. WE all do this. It is just part of living. We usually think of tackling dying when we are old/older. None of us knows what grief feels like till we go through this. We forge relationships and not uncommon for family to not talk to each other and so it just stays like this for some time till someone dies and our world is turned upside down. This is a common problem for most of us.
WE don't always get to say all we want to the people we love whilst they are alive and they don't either. WE just say it all through loving actions towards each other.
Don't beat yourself up about not having the money to visit. If you could have made it happen you would have done so.
Part of the hurt and guilt, and anger you feel is an aspect of grief and comes with the territory of loss. This feeling should eventually disappear. Taking one day at a time helps. You will also eventually recover from grief and the pain won't feel so bad. I am sorry for your loss of the two people you loved and lost. You can also visit a grief counsellor for support if you find yourself struggling.

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