I Lost My Sister Judy to Cancer
by Jeanne Rankin
(Visalia, CA, USA)
My beloved sister Judy died 3½ years ago from cervical cancer. It still seems like it just happened because I relive the last year she had and the memory of being at her side when she took her last breath over and over again. It won't stop. I think my soul will never get over it. I will miss her every moment I live, and dream of the day we are together again.
I was there when I saw the doctor crying as she walked out of the radiation room. I was with my sister when another doctor told us the news of Stage 4, and that she only had 1 year to live. I was there helping her walk when she limped through the waiting room of the cancer facility. I was there when we had to tell my parents the bad news. I was there to shave her head when her hair was falling out, and I was there in the middle of the night when she didn’t want to be alone. But still, I did not do enough because if I would have given her just one more backrub for the pain, if I could have found one more thing she would have liked eating before she stopped, if I didn’t fumble as much hooking up her bag to her port, if I would have gotten to the beeping of the pump faster to make it stop, if I would have tried to make her laugh during the transfusions when she was crying, if I told her once more that I loved her, and if I whispered in her ear a million times more how much I would miss her, then maybe it would have been a little bit better for her.
I’m so sorry Judy. I love you, I love you, I love you forever.