I Lost My Sister to Suicide and Dad to Cancer in the Span of 11 Days
My sister went to New York City on April 8th, 2014 and jumped off a 34 story building. I am the only family she has on the East Coast so I had to go to New York City by myself to identify her body. Then I spent all the money I had to cremate her because our Mother wont pay for anything. My sister was 24 years old and we were close, very close, I am not even a year older than her. It really hurts because I knew something was wrong with her, she was hearing voices, she was homeless by choice, and believed in crazy conspiracy theories, but my Mother did not take it seriously. In fact my Mother has the same views as my sister and actually believes the Mafia killed my sister when there is video evidence that she took her own life.
Six days after I got back home from New York City and eleven days after my sister took her life, my Dad died of Cancer. My Sister and I have different Dads so she did not kill herself because of my Dad's cancer. I already knew that my Dad was going to die of his cancer, but I did not think he would die this soon after my sister took her life. I have only met my Dad twice in my life and so has my five year old son. I feel cheated, that due to the evil Mother I have that I was not able to have a relationship with him until the end of his life. That my son will only have a few days worth of memories of his Grandpa and those memories will be of a very sick man, dying of cancer.
I feel numb a lot and when I am not numb I am angry and I cry in rage. I try to be strong for my son because he has a lot of empathy and if I cry and get upset he cries too, which makes me cry more in guilt. So I bottle it up until I am alone and then I let it out or when my son's at school I let out my anger and sadness on my husband. Who, lucky for me, is very understanding and lets me express my anger and sadness.