I lost my son and best friend.

by Ellie

I lost my son on June 11,2011. I can't even begin to put into words the pain that does not seem to ease up. I still can't believe it. I wake up everyday and it's like a punch in the stomach, because it dawns on me that this is another day without my boy. He was 24 yrs. old. I have been on FMLA from my job but it is now becoming quite obvious that I may have to go on LTD. Every bone in my body hurts and I cry constantly. I have a beautiful daughter who lives independantly, has a boyfriend and works full time and is getting her degree. I love her dearly however she is very busy with her own life. I spent so much time with my son, we ate dinner together all the time as he loved my cooking.We laughed and watched movies together. He even went food shopping with me to pick out the ingredients for the meal we would eat. We talked about what went on at our jobs that day and he loved to read and would tell me about his latest book he was into. I really do not like living with this pain. But who does? I try to go to a support group near me but usually i am too tired to go as it is in the evening. I have become practically a recluse. I really do not want to be around others. How does a mother go on? I pray and beg God for strength each day. God help all of us who have lost children.

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Jun 04, 2012
I lost my son and best friend.
by: Ellie

I have read each post by all of you. So many broken mothers. Each and every story had me in tears. My Lord help us. I don't know what to say. My head feels funny inside. I have a call in to my doctor to check my meds. I am starting to doubt that they work. Anti depressants. Tired of pretending at work. Nothing is all right when you lose your child. The colors of the world even change. The air everything around seems different. I go through the motions. God help me and all of you. I do not think I can live like this another 20-30 years. Too painful. I hate nightime with the dreams and I hate daytime with the pain in my heart. I pray to our Lord and tonight I will pray for all of you as well. Is he listening? I don't know. I feel I am losing my mind. My panic attacks are severe.

Jun 03, 2012
our beautiful children
by: Anonymous

Hi Ellie...my brave beautiful son Dimitri died 8/9/10 of leukemia. He was 23 years and 27 days old. He was my hero...my youngest son...my protector....my friend....and I miss him with all my heart...

May 29, 2012
My daughter is gone
by: Anonymous

My daughter, 23 years old, left us on October 11, 2011.

She is forever loved and never forgotten... My life is forever changed... my only daughter and oldest child. I am thankful for my sons and husband. If I didn't have them, I would not want to go on. Sometimes I a afraid I will lose one of them like I lost my daughter.

She was close to me.. I miss her friendship.. When I look at the photographs, it's like a dream.. and this is the harsh reality.

May 29, 2012
Nearly three years later..
by: Vickie

Ellie, I came to this site less than a year ago. I come here off and on. It has been a blessing. My heart goes out to All the people that have lost loved ones, and like you, I lost my daughter.
I am truly sorry for your loss. There are No words that can even begin to describe the enormous loss that we feel. It goes way beyond words, as we all know to well. The first year after my daughters death I was in what I refer to as 'emotional limbo'. I moved through the days and walked around with a painted smile, when inside I was dying. I was absolutely exhausted from the grief, the loneliness, and crying. Having to put on a 'face' at work and other times. Discovering that friends were caring but as more time passed they didn't seem to understand how hard it really was. Death is often an uncomfortable an awkward situation that most people tend to avoid. I believe that it's undestandable but for us-it has become our life.

It hasn't been quite three years since my daughters accident. She had just turned twenty-six and had a young child and husband. I can tell
you that it took nearly two years before I started feeling the darkness lift and that there was hope still, that my life didn't have to be so unhappy. I have days that I actually feel like being here and I can genuinely laugh and smile again. I will Never be over losing my daughter. I still have days and spells that are Very difficult, but I know now that there are better days also. It takes time and faith. I feel my daughter around me and I strongly believe she is with me. I know she would want me to live the best life I can. I know as you are reading this it probably sounds impossible. I would have never ever thought it would be possible to feel like even breathing again. We all grieve at our own pace and it does take time.

Keep coming here and talking and know that your Not alone. I was very blessed to have found a wonderful friend here and she has been an angel sent to me from Heaven.

I will keep you in my prayers, Vickie

vjh829@yahoo.com If you would ever like to email me.

May 29, 2012
So sorry for your loss
by: Cathy

Hi Ellie i am so sorry for your loss, only one who has gone through the pain and agony can understand you, i lost my angel on 18/1011 the darkest day of my life and one which i will never forget till my dying day, i can never forget the events that took place and i cry for my son everyday i would travel to the end of the world to see my son, but where he has gone i can not go unless god calls me which i hope he does soon because he was the light of my life with an angel smile. All of us here are going through the pain that u are going through and understand without you telling how it is for you and we all pray for each other and try our best to comfort each other. do keep coming to this site, i myself have got a lot of comfort from all here. god bless u and help you to bear the pain.

May 29, 2012
I lost my best friend too
by: Molly

I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my son Quinn on July 18 2011, he just collapsed and died. He was far away from me so I had to wait for his body to come back. My life as it was has been drastically changed everything that was normal is no-longer normal. I too cry every day morning and nite and just get waves of grief that every now and then washes over me. My son was my best friend we laughed so much together we played games had movie dates and really loved eachother so much. When you have that un-conditional love it can never be replaced. I am still stuck in dis-belief that my beautiful easy going friendly wonderful son is gone. how does this happen to children my son was 16 and was at basket ball camp imagine dying at camp when you are just suppose to be having fun. It was so sudden and shocking. I really don't know how I am going to make it. I try my best to keep myself busy and I go to church just to try and be closer to him and talk about him when ever I can. I have joined a group and I feel for all those parents but wish I didn't have to be a part of that group. I cry everytime that I have to go because it's just more proof that my life has been so distroyed. Some of those parents their children have been gone for 5 or more years and they have been in other groups before. For me it just shows the bleek future that I am in for, there is really no getting over this pain only when we finally meet them in heaven will our hearts and soul be at peace. I hope for myself that this will not take many years, I just want to be with my son!! My one and only son. I think haveing this site to go on and express yourself is so important. When others can't listen any more at least you know on here you will be heard. So keep coming and keep talking thats what I have been doing.

May 29, 2012
Losing your son
by: Christine

I do know how you feel. My son died June 2,2011. It was the worst day of my life! He was my only child, There is a hole in my life and in my heart that NOTHING will ever fill! It's an overwelming loss that unless you've lost a child, you caan't possibly understand just how it hurts! May God Bless all of us and I'm so thankful for this site, it does bring some comfort!

May 29, 2012
I understand
by: carol,seans mom

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 24 year old son on November 15,2011. I also feel intense pain every day. I have two beautiful daughters to live for. If not for them I would of definitely given up. This pain and feeling is the worst imaginable. I have entered into a depression and the angry stage of grief. I do not like being around people who seem to have it all. I use to feel like I did. I was thankful every day for my children. I adore them. How are we suppose to function in a world that just keeps going when we have been knocked out. They say time heals. Time reminds me of what my son is missing. It makes me feel worse. I can't believe he does not get to have the family he has talked about wanting since he was a teenager. He would of been a great dad. He was hansome,sincere,not perfect,but noone is. He enjoyed family,friends and going to the casino. He worked hard. Life is awful now. I hope that we all find some peace. The way I feel now is so unhealthy. My girls deserve their mom but I am just so broken. I hope for peace for you. One day at a time.

May 29, 2012
by: Eba

My dear u break my heart which is already broken ,I know exactly ur feelings as if u r talking about my beloved son who passed away on 21/2/2011' he was 26yrs old ,pls if u want email me ,eBtihalosh_@hotmail.com,,take care,thx

May 29, 2012
Thank God for FMLA
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. An adult child is still your baby and it doesn't matter how old they are. My daughter was 29yo and was brutually murdered. It will be two years this July and still no arrest has been made. If it were not for FMLA I would not have a job. I still have days when I get up, put my make up on and go to work, only to fall apart a few hours later. To me it is difficult to go to work and pretend that everything is ok when it's not. I will get up and leave many days because I want to go talk to Heather, read a book to try to find answers, and sometimes just sit and cry.

I'm afraid we are both in for a long haul.Heather was the sunlight of my life as it sounds like your son was yours. We just have to pray and let God do his work. Hugs to you and I hope someday we both can find some peace.

May 29, 2012
I know the feeling
by: Tomeko

I know exactly how you feel...I lost my oldest son on March 26, 2012 and I havent been to work yet. He was also 24 years old always was with me and talked to me all the time. He loved to make me smile everyday even when I was down he always managed to make me smile. I was so heartbroken when I came home from work and found him dead now Im so overwhelmed I dont want to be around anyone or be at work where people would give me sympathy looks. I'm so tired of people saying "Im sorry". I am having a hard time dealing with everyday functions. I find myself crying almost everyday but it helps that my other 3 kids along with my grandson are around me they keep me busy and they also try to keep me from being down all the time. All you can do is pray and ask God to give you strength to get it together but you also have to make yourself busy. I will keep you in my prayers,

May 29, 2012
I Lost My Son & Best Friend
by: Brenda Richison

Ellie, I also lost my middle son, July 8,2004. He was 26 yrs. old. They say it gets better, but not much. I can cope w/my daily duties, but he never leaves my mind. I don't cry as much now, but the tears still pour down my face at night. Thats the worst time for me. Night-time...I've been on medication, been to doctors, therapy, but this website has helped me to cope w/this tragedy most of all. In return, I try to help others who are in pain from losing a loved one. I hope you will stay w/this website, because I know it will help you thru your loss. I know it helped me. I'll say a prayer for all of us again tonight. May God be w/you and your family. And don't forget, we'll be here if you need us...

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