I lost my son and best friend

My son Wil died Sept. 1, 2011 of unknown causes. When he died most of me died. I go on and do my daily life but I am so incomplete and don't enjoy the things I used to. My family doesn't understand why I haven't gotten "over" his death. I pray none of them have to go thru the hell I am going thru. How do you go on when your heart is broken and the pain is to terrible. I am so thankful I have found this site where I see other people feel the same as me and that we will never be the same as we were. Wil was my son, best friend and soul mate so I lost alot when he died.I struggle every day just to get thru the day without crying and trying to appear "normal" around people.

Comments for I lost my son and best friend

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Mar 20, 2013
loss of child
by: Anonymous

Losing a child is something we never get over. The pain is always there. We laugh and join in so people think you have moved on and are okay but on the inside you are still grieving and can't show it. Family think he shouldn't be mentioned that out of sight out of mind, sorry it doesn't work that way. I have given up trying to explain how I feel, It has been a year and a half and the pain is still as strong as the day he died. Not knowing why he died has been the hardest. My sympathy to you, no one should have to go thru what we have.

Mar 20, 2013
I lost my son and best friend
by: Doreen U.K.

B I am happy to hear your counselling has started. You say it is helping a bit. Counselling is painful. But it takes TIME for this to work. My pain was so great I thought nothing would work for me and this was probably a mistake. I was so wrong. I put up with the pain each week. Then all of a sudden I started feeling better and better. I lost my scepticism. I was converted to counselling working. I can't tell you how much this has worked for me. It felt like I was dead and suddenly I became alive in a way I had never known. YOU WILL GET YOUR LIFE BACK. YOU WILL RECOVER. Just don't discuss your counselling with your family. You don't need any negative comments. You need someone to encourage you to stay with counselling till you are in a happier place. AND YOU WILL BE ONE DAY. You also need someone to listen to you (which you will get in counselling). You also need your feelings and beliefs to be validated. (which you will also get in counselling.) You will be heard and respected. this is what you need. You keep talking about your son. Just choose carefully who you talk to about your son so that you won't have more pain added on top of what you are going through. A lot of family members just don't know what to say to comfort us when we talk of those we have lost. Only someone who has lost a child will understand how you feel. My sister's are supportive. But they have their husbands with them so they can only imagine what it feels like for me. And this is not the same thing. Only when someone goes through the experience they won't know what this grief feels like. Don't give up counselling even if you feel it isn't working. One day you will wake up and feel different. BETTER than you have felt for some time. This will be the beginning of your healing. You will remember you son but without this pain that is killing you inside. May you be comforted and blessed in life.

Mar 19, 2013
Sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

Yes things will never be the same. It has been a year and a half and the grief is still over whelming sometimes. Life goes on around me and I try to blend in but some days it is just so hard. You have to put on a good act so people around you think everything is okay when you are still dying inside. I laugh just so people think I am back to normal, whatever that is, I don't want to bring them down so I force myself to fit in. It does get a little better but life as we knew it is gone. Family doesn't understand because it hasn't happened to them so you can't explain your feelings to them. I am so sorry for your loss because I know the hell you are going thru.

Mar 19, 2013
Your son
by: Kate.

There are so many suffering moms on here and I am one. I lost my 39 year old son just 4 months ago. I like you am glad I found this site to share my pain and sorrow with others who unfortunately understand. My son was my friend my love and it is the hardest thing ever to accept this loss. His dad died 19 yrs ago and he was my soul mate,so much loss from my heart
I wonder how to heal,the pain of death so hard! My heart goes out to you.

Oct 12, 2012
Reply to comments
by: B

I have been seeing a grief counselor and it has helped a little but the pain is still there. My family doesn't even want me talking about my son or them talking about him because i get upset well that is just part of remembering and I want to talk about him. Wil was a big part of my life and he was only 39 at his passing. It is like he is gone so just forget about it well sorry I will never forget about it or act like he was never here as they are trying to do. Noone will ever know what we are going thru unless it happens to them. I am so thankful I have found this site because I don't know anyone of my friends or extended family that has gone thru this pain, so thank you all for the support and kind words.

Oct 11, 2012
I lost my son and best friend.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your son Wil. Family members seem to move on quite quickly from a loss and I am left wondering WHY? HOW CAN THEY? It is as if everyone has stopped caring. They have moved on!. How can they move on so quickly? While My Soul is torn in two and I feel as if I am bleeding to death.
A Wife and a mother has a bond with their spouse and son/daughter that other's can't feel as we do. The relatives can become so insensitive and adopt a grabbing spirit. It can often become like the "Reading of the WILL". or grabbing what they can of the departed one's possessions. I wonder if this becomes your experience and that of others in grief. It certainly is my experience. I don't mind the relatives having the possessions of my husband. But I am shocked at the way the possessions were taken. I don't talk to the relatives about how I feel. What is the point? they wouldn't understand. They don't tread the same valley as me.
You can't pretend to go on as if everything is normal when your heart is breaking. Perhaps you would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor who would be able to support you in your pain and help you more than other who don't understand. You lost an Adult Son. He was still your child. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 5 months ago to cancer. I know what the PAIN is like!!! It is pure HELL. There is no medication for this pain. It is like a cancer without morphine to kill the pain. My SOUL is torn in two. I hope that you will get the support you need to go on each day with your grief. May you be Comforted in your Sorrow and Grief.

Oct 11, 2012
I get it
by:

Hi Lost my best friend, I am so sad to hear of the loss of your son and I have to say this again as I do to everyone on this site. I understand the pain you are feeling. Your words are the exact words that I would have written about my son. I lost Quinn July 2011 and as a single mom he was my best friend, my soul mate (basically the love of my life) and my beautiful son. Life hasn't and will never be the same. My family don't get it either and although they haven't said it you can see the look on there face when you mention your son again that they just don't want to hear it. They expect you to move when all you want to do is sit and never do anything again. Like you I have gone back to work because what can you do we are still here we still have to do the basics like pay bills buy food and basically live even if we don't want to. We walk around pretending daily and that alone takes so much energy and yet they still have more demands of us. How can we go on with a broken heart?? it is the most difficult thing in the world and unless you feel it you will never know it and thats how it is. I know it's difficult but please take care of yourself

Oct 11, 2012
You don't . . .
by: Anonymous

ever "get over it." And, I don't care what all of those people who have never been through this say. As for me, I don't think I need to work on getting over anything. I never will so why put all of that effort into it? There just becomes distance between the event and the present day. The only thing that helps me handle the passage of time is my relationship with God. He is providing me comfort to the extent I allow Him.

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