i lost my son and my best friend,
by gaynel ryan diamond
(oolitic ind. 47451)
well I thought talking to people was hard, but it turns out writing it thinking about it or talking about no matter what i do I cry my son was 37 years old when died in a scooter wreak. from the time i had bradley we spent every moment together. as he grow up we still were inseparable.when he started school, I could not stand being away from him, so i would walk about 12 mile every week day to the school and sit in the dugout and wait for school to be out. then run to the door to meet him. then we went to mcdonalds and to a park close by. we went on walks, and movies and long drives. my heart cant take this even when bradley got married he lived very close to me. walking distance so we saw each other every day. some days when him and his wife had problems as we all do from time to time. he would come to me to talk. I mean best friends for ever. i hate going to bed and i hate waking up. the nightmares the never ending pain is just to much to take, but i have a son brandon 35 years old. we buried bradley on may 24th on his 38th birthday. bradley left me 3 beautiful grandchildren ( girls ) ages 3, 6, and 14. i want to be with bradley but he just would not slow down, he always lived in the fast lane, I begged him but he has rode motor cycles an scooters since he was 4 years old. so he just kept saying mom I have rode since i was 3 years old nothing can happen. well 3 weeks after he got the scooter I helped him buy, and will never forgive myself for. he was wide open into a bad curve on a bridge and hit the guardrail. he died instantly, but I chock back the tears and try to believe that, but I have a scanner. brad left my apartment about 2;45 pm he said mom i am going to grandmas to wash my scooter and I will be right back. as a rule bradley always hugged me and said see you in a few. not this time another regret. so he left and i came in sit down to watch tv until he came back, however that did not happen, because about 10 minutes later i heard on the scanner bad scooter wreak on east oolitic road, my heart drop and i just knew it was my son my first born. oh my god please let him be ok, so I called my mother and he had not been there. I hung up as fast as i could and called er and ask if they had a bradley ryan and got the worst response of my life. yes who is calling please my voice cracked as I replied back this is his mother, the lady said please be careful but get here as soon as possible. a very good friend of mine rushed me to er, the longest ride every for 3 miles. everything was in slow mode. I ran up to the window and ask to see bradley. no miss ryan, they are working on him we will come get when you can, please have a set someone will be right out, and she did but just said we are working on bradley there are about 15 to 20 people working on him and we will do our best but it dont look good. so when can I see him I ask, we will let you know. forever went by back to the window may I see my son now please. no i am sorry not yet we will let you know, then all of the sudden the er doors came open, and there were a lot of doctors in the door way to block me, but it did not matter i was going in to see bradley. but i was moved away out of the door a doctor had me by my arm and said please sit down i have bad news for you bradley did not make it, im so sorry but we had his heart going again but he just could not keep it going, then she said but she said he did not feel anything, that he was dead as soon as he hit. now i am left to wonder if they let me in when his heart was beating maybe he would have known i was there with him. I will never know, and will always wonder. it has been 15 days ago that i got my last hug the night before my nightmare began and will never end. however i still have brandon who I love as much as brad and brads 3 girls and my mother to carry on for .i hope i can but i dont think it is possible. thank you so much for this site to all moms who have lost a adult child i pray for god to help us go on for them.