I lost my son Robin
My son Robin was 24 when he took his life on April 25 or 26th. No time of death was able to be determined. He was late for work so my husband went up to his house to check things out. He told me his car was home and that was the last that I had heard from them. I decided to drive up there and see what was going on and as I came upon the house I saw an ambulance and four police cars. I got out of the van and I was aproached by my husband and a detective who told me he was gone. I could not believe what was happening. I screamed but it did not feel real. I called my daughter who was home and told her what had happened. She sent her friend to come up and get my five year old daughter. We were driven home by the police. It was a painful time when you have people comeing over and all you want to do is cry but feel like you have to take care of their needs. My husband was not fuctioning and I still had to take care of our youngest children and one who has autism. A steady stream of people came offering their condolences up unti the funeral. Its a painful process to have to plan your childs funeral. Its should not be.I still feel like it was a dream. I am walking this path alone because my husband is not at my side. My son is laid to rest and we have to aswers as to why he did this and my husband blames himself because our son did call us telling his dad that his dad made him what he was today and how happy he was with his life and how he loved being drug free and there was a sob in his voice for a split second. My husband felt he should have gone up to his house istead of passing it off. How are we to go on with this kind of guilt. I fear for my husband and him being able to get over the grief of our son. We have 21 year old daughter and a 14 year old son with autism and a 5 year old. I do not know how to get over this. I loved my son so much and was proud of how he over came so much in his life and do not understand why he did this. no note was left. no reason why other than having a high alcohol level in him and a gun. One day I hope we can find happiness again.