I lost my son Robin

by Rita

My son Robin was 24 when he took his life on April 25 or 26th. No time of death was able to be determined. He was late for work so my husband went up to his house to check things out. He told me his car was home and that was the last that I had heard from them. I decided to drive up there and see what was going on and as I came upon the house I saw an ambulance and four police cars. I got out of the van and I was aproached by my husband and a detective who told me he was gone. I could not believe what was happening. I screamed but it did not feel real. I called my daughter who was home and told her what had happened. She sent her friend to come up and get my five year old daughter. We were driven home by the police. It was a painful time when you have people comeing over and all you want to do is cry but feel like you have to take care of their needs. My husband was not fuctioning and I still had to take care of our youngest children and one who has autism. A steady stream of people came offering their condolences up unti the funeral. Its a painful process to have to plan your childs funeral. Its should not be.I still feel like it was a dream. I am walking this path alone because my husband is not at my side. My son is laid to rest and we have to aswers as to why he did this and my husband blames himself because our son did call us telling his dad that his dad made him what he was today and how happy he was with his life and how he loved being drug free and there was a sob in his voice for a split second. My husband felt he should have gone up to his house istead of passing it off. How are we to go on with this kind of guilt. I fear for my husband and him being able to get over the grief of our son. We have 21 year old daughter and a 14 year old son with autism and a 5 year old. I do not know how to get over this. I loved my son so much and was proud of how he over came so much in his life and do not understand why he did this. no note was left. no reason why other than having a high alcohol level in him and a gun. One day I hope we can find happiness again.

Comments for I lost my son Robin

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Jun 14, 2012
I am so Sorry
by: carol,seans mom

Rita, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Robin. Different circumstances,but I lost my son Sean,24,November 15,2011. Seven months ago today I sat in I.C.U. of Rhode Island Hospital being told Sean would not be coming home. My world crashed. He was the oldest of three and my only son. When I went into see him in the hospital as his mom I knew he was gone. I could not believe this and I still don't. There is no advice other than to take day by day sometimes moment by moment. Surround yourself with caring and supportive people. That is so important. My life seven months later is sad and painful. All his dreams and hopes for the future are gone and all my plans and dreams with him died. Part of my heart is definitely gone. I am so different. I try to stay strong for his sisters but even that is hard. How do we go threw the rest of our lives with our sons just being a memory? Stay good to your self. I hope you find some peace.

Jun 13, 2012
Lost Son Robin 24yrs.
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Rita
I am sorry for the loss of your son Robin 24yrs.
The loss of a child is unbearable. I can't imagine how you are coping with this loss as each loss and relationship affects each of us differently and the duration of grief is different. But the pain of grief is the same for all of us and this is hard and a painfull place to be right now.
Having 2 other dependent children on you will be a distraction but neverthesless hard as you try to cope with the bereavement.
My sisters son Peter 30 yrs. committed suicide 5 years ago. Peter was on anti-depressant which cause suicidal feelings and he would go up to tall buildings and try to throw himself down and he would shout "Someone please help me" but no one came and Peter threw himself under an express train. My sister was mad with grief and needed to have a bereavement counsellor. It was a very painfull time for our whole family. My sister is in a different place now and made a good recovery but will never forget and visits that place of loss often but she is stronger and is able to support me very well during the loss of my husband of 44 years 5 weeks ago.
Recovery is different for each of us and it may take many years for us to move forward. Just take one day at a time and get some support as you cannot walk this path alone.

Jun 13, 2012

I am so sorry for your loss and understand the confusion that you are going through. My son took an accidental overdose of meds and sometimes I wonder if it was not suicide. I also had a lot of questions and guilt and still do, but am working on these. Someone suggested a grief counselor and I did see one for a while. As she explained, we can just do what is right for the moment and should not have any regrets. Since we can only guide our lives as we live them and not foresee the future, and cannot read a persons mind, then you and your husband need to forgive yourselves and forgive your son for what has happened.
Please see counseling either by the church, counselor or whatever means you can find to help you through this horrible grief...My heart and prayers go with you...

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