I lost my soulmate 11/23/2012

by jlh

I lost my soul mate 11/23/12. Although we met late in life, we had over twenty-five years together. When I met him I asked the Lord for at least thirty years, but I guess it was just not meant to be. My husband died from complications of phase four lung cancer. We were told on 10/11/11 that a small tumor on his right lung was cancerous and should be removed. Surgery was completed 12/27/12 by a very competent and caring surgical team. Our story begins, when we returned from our vacation celebrating twenty five years of marriage. He told me he was coughing up blood and had been for a couple of months. We immediately scheduled appointments with his general doctor who referred him to different specialist, throat doctor, gut doctor and lastly cancer doctor. At first they thought it was TB, but after all the test results were returned, TB was ruled out. More tests were ordered and completed in which they finally found the cancer in his lung. This took approximately six months, surgery was scheduled and completed. We thought we were ok and he would be part of the 5 percent that beat this horrible disease. However, that was not the case, four months later he was coughing up blood again, more tests were taken and another tumor was found in the same lung, since it had not spread and was not in the blood stream yet, a second surgery was attempted. However when the surgeon when in she found an additional tumor outside of the lung, we were all of a sudden in phase four. He completed three cycles of chemotherapy that only broke down his body in which he never fully recovered. The cancer continued to spread and my dear one became less and less mobile. We continued to have hope that somehow he would recover but it became obvious the later part of October that he was getting worse and not better. The test after the chemotherapy treatments indicated the cancer had become more aggressive and he had 2-6 months to life. We did not accept this and went home determined to beat this horrible disease. I read all the books about cancer treatments, change of eating habits, exercise everything but it was too late. We fought this for over a year, the last two months were horrible. He couldn’t sleep, eat or rest in peace without coughing up blood, blood, blood. It broke my heart to see him in such pain and misery but all we could do was to keep living taking each day one at a time. Two and a half months later, he coughed up a river of blood and became delirious with violent shaking. I called 911, the ambulance came and we went to the hospital. He never returned. He transitioned to our Lord and Savior seven days later. I am alone. He was my rock, my backbone, who loved me unconditional regardless of my faults. I don’t know what I am going to do. I have a lot of support from my family and church community but I am alone. I believe in God and know he will not put on us any more than we can bear but I feel so alone and afraid I will never be complete or happy again because my mate , my friend, my love is gone.

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Jan 01, 2013
me too
by: David

seem the world is full of us with the same stories of gief, though that does not make it any easier to swallow, I lost my soul mate and wife of 32 years,I mean we started this thing in high school, to a rare breast cancer ICB nasty nasty cancer, It hit my sweety on easter weekend of 2012 and I lost her in Oct 2012. We did everything the doctors said, chemo, Radiation the complete menu of poisons hoping for a cure. I can truly say I feel your pain and do know what each of you are going threw, people say it will get easier? I tell you thanksgiving, Christmas, new years(today) is awful. I cry at least once everyday I go to church every Sunday and constantly ask god why?? and look for the plan, sure tests your faith that's for sure, Everything is just harder to get done and you really dont realize what all your mate actually did for you. Everyone keep the faith. And hopefully what they say is true ,it will get better

Dec 30, 2012
Coming from a different place
by: Doreen U.K.

Jemm I am so sorry for your loss of your husband's health to a stroke and the loss of Adulthood. This must be very frustrating and endless pain. When my husband had Encephalitis he suffered minor brain damage inasmuch as he suffered short term memory loss and he was in a lot of residual pain in his legs. He then went on to suffer MESOTHELIOMA (A rare and serious form of lung cancer inoperable, incurable, and aggressive caused by working with asbestos.) WE were married 44yrs. and STeve died 8 months ago. Steve suffered a slow painful cancer over 3yrs. I nursed him with a poor quality of life. What you are going through is much the same. An endless suffering with the man you love having a poor quality of life.
When one believes in God and has a FAITH This is developed over a long time through much suffering. Some people lose their faith when suffering or tragedy strikes. Even Pastors and ministers go through a crisis of Faith when it is tested. Faith is supposed to GROW through trials and tribulations. You don't have to belong to any denomination. If you live in America you will be exposed to the God Channel. You could watch IN TOUCH with Charles Stanley. Joel Osteen. David Jeremiah. All Men of Integrity with a simple and powerful message of the Gospel. Many people may have a blockage in which the message cannot penetrate their heart. Often Satan is responsible for this. In the Bible the parable of the sower tells you about the different soils and how the seed(Word of God) fell. If it fell on dry ground the sun would scorch the seed and it would not be able to grow because it did not fall on soil where it could develop roots. Some people thus get no benefit from the Bible or Church. You would need to Pray for God to open your heart and the way for you to FIND HIM. Don't give up on seeking God. You will find Him. You should start with Reading the 4 Gospels in the Bible. You will be able to come to Faith. Then get into a Bible focused Church. Your Life will Change. You will know God better as you go through Life and trials. It is a rough road to travel but you don't travel alone. God is with you throughout. I have walked with God all my life. I know God more from being in the FURNACE OF AFFLICTION. He has Rescued me from MUCH. I now patiently WAIT for Jesus to come back to earth to receive us to himself where we will live with him forever. Death and suffering will be no more. God will have destroyed DEATH forever. We only suffer due to SIN. God is the WAY.THE TRUTH.THE LIFE. Wherein dwells all righteousness. Seek God. You will find him when you search for HIM with all your HEART. God Bless You,

Dec 29, 2012
Dying To Be Me
by: Anonymous

This book by Anita Moorjani has given me some perspective to my wife's death 10 months ago. Of course I am asea with grief as I believe she was my soulmate. I would recommend either taking a listen to Anita's talking about her NDE, near death experience or/and reading her book (Dying to Be Me). It was very enlighting for me and I look foreword to reconnecting with my wife some day.

Dec 29, 2012
;Coming from a different place...
by: Anonymous

But I understand, too, the loneliness you are experiencing and the aching void in your life.

My husband is still alive, after a catastrophic stroke, but he will never come home, and has turned into my ten-year old son. He can speak, most of the time, reads and watches tv., but he cannot react as an adult to anything that I am going through. He cries if he sees that I am sad, and that is really heartbreaking.

I SO envy those of you who have a firm belief in God, Allah, any kind of higher power. I truly believe that faith is a gift, and it's one that I was never given. I've tried just about every denomination, but nothing seems to get through. And that makes this isolation even more devastating. I long for community, for shared beliefs and human contact.

I am so sorry for your loss and pain, but do envy you your faith.


Dec 29, 2012
I lost my soulmate 11/23/2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Jih I am sorry for your loss of your husband to lung cancer. The lungs are the most difficult organ in the body in which to detect cancer. In America they have been able to research a blood test that can detect cancer in the lung but it is not available yet.
In December 2008 my husband was made redundant from being an exhibition carpenter all his life. He was 62yrs. He had a cough. Went to the doctor. Sent for a chest Xray. They found shadows on his lung. Steve could not take the job offered to him till he got his test results. Feb. 2009 he had a biopsy. March 28th 2009 was the worst day of my life. Steve was told. You have a rare and serious form of lung cancer which is inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. Steve had MESOTHELIOMA cancer caused by working with ASBESTOS. In April 2009 Steve started his first Chemotherapy He had a total of 6 cycles. Then in 2010 he had 10 cycles of Radiotherapy. 2011 Steve had his last 4 cycles of Chemotherapy. October 2011. Steve was sent home to die. Throughout this time Steve was very ill and lying down the whole time. He rarely went out. Only to hospital appointments. Steve coughed up blood many times. The Chemotherapy caused blood clots and Steve had to have daily injections for the blood clots for over 3 months. Then put on Warfarin. He had so many medications all with bad side effects. he was put on steroids for his appetite. Steve became angry, and quarrelsome. He developed Shingles In his eye which was all bruised and shut and he could have gone blind. He fell down in the garden and it was dark and had to lie on the cold ground for 45minutes it took for the ambulance to come. Due to this Steve then developed Pneumonia. Stayed in hospital for one week. Came home. Was very ill.
He then had a heart attack and very swollen feet where his body was shutting down. He went to the Lymphoedema clinic and they did what they could. Steve then coughed up flesh and blood and stopped eating. Steve went into the hospice for a week and then begged to go home. Steve wanted to die at home. He died 3yrs.39days after diagnosis on 5th May 2012 almost 8 months ago. This is the worst thing that could happen to me in life. Steve was neglected in his medical care and this does affect my grief. I went through it with him as his primary carer. Life has no meaning now. I just flit from day to day and do only what I have to do. My children are all grown so I am virtually all alone. My youngest daughter works long hours so is not at home a lot. Thank God for TV. Often it is an escape from the misery of Lonliness and sorrow. There are so many people like us all suffering such MISERY. from the loss of someone they LOVE. I hope that you will be comforted in your sorrow and that life gets better in time for all of us.

Dec 28, 2012
I am so sorry
by: Anonymous

I lost my soul mate on 11/26/12 very unexpectedly. I can feel the pain in the words you write and I am here to tell you I know exactly what you are going through. I try each day to go on with life but to me I feel like my life will never be normal again. Like you I believe in the Lord and I know he has a plan for you and me just like he did for our mates. We just have to have the strength and courage to continue our journey until we can be reunited with them is a much greater place than here on earth.

Dec 28, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband about five and half years ago to stage four colon cancer. He was 41 when he passed away and I was 38. We were together for 22 years when he passed away married for 15 years. I am the mother of four children. The youngest was only 13 months old when he passed away. She has no memory of him. He fought the cancer for about 18 months. This is a most painful time of the year still. I had hoped that I would be in a different place in my life by now, but I'm not. I still miss him. I feel as you do, I have family, friends, and my children but am so alone. I still hope that one day this will all make sense.

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