I Lost My sweatheart Husband, a few weeks ago

by Katy
(Northern Ca- USA)

I am heart broken, We were married 43 years,
I am in pain, I hurt so much, it was totally unexpected!,sudden.
We hugged and kissed by, and he went to work, and didn't come home, the sheriffs deputies came to our home and told me, he had died.
I am sick, Thanksgivng was miserable, and Now Christmas,
I cry everyday, and night, can't sleep.

I am getting bills
The pensions people are taking their sweet time!
I have to sell the house and cars.
I don't know where I will move to.
I am so scared, and nervous, stressed, anxiety filled

Comments for I Lost My sweatheart Husband, a few weeks ago

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Nov 30, 2012
I lost my sweetheart husband a few weeks ago
by: mack

I share your pain, I lost my husband a few months ago very suddenly we went out for dinner and he never came home with me. One of the worst nights of my life.after the funeral there was so many things to do,I thought why didn't i just go with him we had 43 yrs but it wasn't enough,when i think back i don't know how i got through 4 months,I was going through the motions,not eating or sleeping waiting for him to come to bed and still do.the holidays are almost here and all i want to do is disappear,not interested in anything,people tell me it will get easier but i'm not to sure about that.the only thing that keeps me going is that we will be together again one day and i have to believe that or i will go crazy. you hang in there.i found that writing helps, i actually talk to him tell him about my day,how lonely it is without him,and of course i cry while writing.it might help you as well good luck

Nov 30, 2012
Thank all of you for the advise
by: Katy

I want to say Thank you, to "Audrey, Dala, & Doreen",

My husband died of a heart related issue as well,
He was to have a heart valve replacement just one week away from the day he died.
he had an agiogram and that doctor said his heart looked good,that he had the heart murmer, and no blockage, then this sudden death, there's no explanation, his heart was just over beasting like 400 times the amount more than it should of been, is what the doctor said,
Just colapsed while walking from a building to his employment viehicle.
I cry so much, like every day, I hurt so bad, I feel like I could just fall over myself.
Nothing seems to matter right now. I have been getting myself to church the past three week-ends.
And I am doing what i have to do, i eat, when I'm hungry, I take my daily showers, my daughter that lives in town stops by when shes not overloaded with homework shes in the nursing program, my other daughter lives a couple hours away, so she trys to come home on week-ends if possible and if she don't have to work, my sister lives out of town she emails me like every day, sometimes twice a day. Oh God, I just feel like hell everyday. And i don't want to sound like a big baby. but God, I hurt so much I'm full of pain, and it feels like it will never end.....

Thank you ladies, I appreciate your writting me.

Nov 29, 2012
a little advise
by: Dala

I lost my husband, suddenly of major heart failure. He was 2 weeks before his 44th birthday and we were married for 17 & half years, no kids. I was a housewife and was where you are right now. I didn't have anyone to talk to and sure didn't know about this kind of a site. My advise would be to send a copy of the death cert to whatever bills that are coming in. Some might write them off and some will lower the cost. It is extremely hard, I know. I went through 10 days fighting for his life at the hospital without sleep. Then I couldn't eat or sleep, I cried all the time. I still have a hard time sleeping. I was angry to see couples together. I felt and still do feel cheated. I wanted to die too. I had to sell everything. My husband was my life. But the way I look at everything now is that I was blessed to have ever had him in my life. SOme day, I'll get to see him again and looking forward to that day. I have my own personal guardian angel, my husband.

Nov 29, 2012
I Lost My sweetheart Husband, a few weeks ago
by: Doreen U.K.

Katy I am sorry for your loss of your husband of 43yrs. a few weeks ago. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 6 months ago, from a long painfull 3 yrs. battle with cancer.
It is hard for us wives to go on without our husbands. Our whole pattern of living changes automatically.
I hear your pain and sadness in your post. We have all had to go through where you are at and so know how stressfull this is for you. I dreaded this and felt I would never cope. I had a good family support structure in place. My sisters and husbands and children rallied round and everyone took some responsiblitiy that was divided up. Each person cooked and brought food round every day, so I didn't have to worry about looking after everyone's needs. Another person made all the tea's and coffee's. I made priority lists of everything that needed to be done and did the urgent first. Going to the Civic Centre and handing in the bus pass and disability pass.
Registering the death only to have to go back because my husband died of Asbestos related cancer this was an Industial Injury death and so needed to have an inquest which took 20days. I then had to go back and get all extra death certificates, then next day to the banks to close down all the accounts. My daughter and son-in-law did Steve's car insurance. I then dealt with the life insurance which only covered half the cost of the funeral but better than nothing. Then I had to contact the pensions people and set this in motion. This came through more quicker than I anticipated. Only now am I able to do Steve's memorial for the grave. In between this time I had to deal with Steve's hostile nieces and Elder Brother. So we have had to remove the flowers. Everything has gone. Steve's graveside is empty due to the vandalism. I am woried about any defacing of the gravestone. The graveyard has told me to take out insurance, or involve the police. I just want to live in peace and not have to worry if I want to honour my husband by putting down flowers or any ornaments of Love and devotion to Steve.
There is so much to do when one dies. Our funeral went well. Steve was deeply honoured by everyone. I gave him a good WAKE in the pub with all his work colleagues. He would have been proud. So much to do. So much stress. Thank God it is all done. But everyday brings up different problems. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. GET GOOD SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE TO HELP YOU. GIVE EACH PERSON SOME RESPONSIBILITY. So no one crosses over each others duties. It will all come together otherwise it will overwhelm you.
If you are on your own with no help. Make priority lists and tick off each job done. Your list will get shorter and you will feel better not having to carry everything in your head. Put it all down on paper where you can see it all. Add to the list as you need to. Then redo your list each time to keep it shorter. You will eventually get there.

Nov 28, 2012
Thank you
by: katy

I know everyone is telling me, these are all normal feelings, feeling my srewed up emotions, But I just feel like I'm going crazy, It hurts so much, I went through cancer several years ago, and this is so much more greater pain.The tears don't end.

Nov 27, 2012
what you feel is normal
by: Audrey

I lost my husband several months ago, grief is the hardest most confussing emotion that is part of live. I can hear the hurt in your writting, I understand that people don't move fast enough. I yelled and argued with telemarketers for months. I fought with insurance companies becuase I was so sad. What you are feeling is the loss of your love, your friend. My only advice is let people help you with the finances (the pension applications) dont make any decisions for a long time. My heart goes out to you, but everything you feel is what i felt. Rely on friends and family. write it helps alot.

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