I lost my wife my everything after 38 years of marriage.

After 38 years of a wonderful marriage my wife died October 25th 2011 from a massive heart attack. She was only 53 years old. We married when she was 15 and I was 20.She wasn't sick or anything just very sudden (shocking). As all great marriages should be she was my companion,best friend,help mate,lover and other things words can't describe.I'm having a very hard time dealing with my wife's death. I'm a Christian and I know she is in Heaven but she is not with me (selfish). We talked many times that when we die we would want to die together but that didn't happen although I wish we would have. After 3 weeks of my wife's death I disgraced my Lord and Savior,God,my wife and my entire family by starting to drink alcohol (beer).One night I was so depressed that I drank too much and took some Ativan that was prescribed to me. I had a reaction and collapsed in the bathroom exactly the same place where my wife was found.My daughter found me and was hysterical thinking I had committed suicide because when I fell I hit my head on something and there was much blood coming from my head.When they realized I was still alive they called an ambulance and was taken to the hospital and from the hospital was placed in a behavior center (thinking I was trying to kill myself). I was there for 8 days and released and now must see a Psychiatrist also I'm joining a group for persons who have lost spouses. "Lord please help me each day,hour,minute" to cope with my great loss.

Signed: So ashamed

Comments for I lost my wife my everything after 38 years of marriage.

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 16, 2014
Me as well
by: Anonymous 2

Anonymous. I like you lost my wife after 22 years. Suddenly and in a very ugly manner. Your comment of feeling jailed is exactly on the mark. This prison of pain and unbelievable loneliness is completely engulfing. Nights and weekends are the worst. And all I do is think of her. Work helped during the day but as time goes on it as well has become difficult. I have my Rottweiler/Shepard mix that is my companion he was a joy to both of us. So to you know your not alone. All say this will pass. I'm not so sure but at 61 I must go on or at least try.

----------------------------

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Nov 08, 2014
Rotten disease.
by: Anonymous

I'm 66 years old man who has recently lost my wife to cancer after she had a 10 month battle with this rotten disease.

We were married for 22 years, so now there's a big hole in my life. I never knew I could feel so very lonely, the quiet is deafening, the loneliness is equally so. There is now no rapport to carry me through the day. Everything changes..

When you share a huge part of your life with someone like a wife or a husband, and they suddenly die for whatever reason, everything changes in your life and world, the little things you might have taken for granted each day, became the big things. There is now no rapport, no one to talk with about the things that you talked about, it is like suddenly being in a jail with no windows or doors, you are mentally and emotionally, trapped.

My wife was a Yorkshire Terrier lover all her life, to her these dogs were'nt just dogs, they were little people, part of the family. Although I know I am no compensation for my wife's lap, and all the kisses she got from our now two year old Yorkie pup, I promised my wife I would take care of her as she would have done

Nov 03, 2014
lost my wife after 47years an 6 mos.
by: Anonymous

ever man should have a wife like Kathryn she loved life and most she loved me she was shy she loved New England and all animals she was a real artist Kathryn May Howard Whitaker and I miss her so much you are all so wright no one can say I'm sorry because I used to say that to people thanking how much it must hurt but now I know that hurt and it hurts . one day at a time jerry

Oct 08, 2014
I wanted so badly to die
by: Eric F

I lost my wife 2 weeks ago after 25 years together Married 19 yrs.. i feel empty and lonely. i know i have to be strong to raise my 4 kids but i cant help but to wish i was with my wife. i know my kids feel the same pain but i cant stand the feeling of living without her. we meet when we was 14 yrs old, shes all i know.. they say time heal all pain but i cant see living without my queen but i will for the kids, cause i love them more than anything. if it wasn't for thing i would have ended my life 2 weeks ago. i don't know how people deal with this, she was only 38. i know she wouldn't want me to cry or be sad at all but i cant help it. so now im living for my kids and counting down the days til i meet her again.
--------------------

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 06, 2014
heartache
by: GeneAnonymous

i lost my wife in February 2014. We were married for almost 44 years. I now know what heartache is. I feel it everyday. It is an ache that stays with me day after day. I'm lost, lonely and forever saddened. I truly loved her and will forever miss MY wife.

Sep 25, 2014
I've lost my wife 27 days ago.
by: Gionatan

I've lost my wife 27 days ago.
She was 28 years old. We married six years ago. She died the day after her birthday. It was very fast and suddenly. She went to work in the morning and at evening she had a high fever. In 12 hours she died of infection and meningitis.

I'm finished. The nostalgia is killing me. I don't know what else to do. It was very fast to understand and accept ... I need her.

Sorry for my english, I'm italian and she was a beautiful brazilian girl.

Sep 17, 2014
lost the best thing thats ever happened to me
by: ME

My wife & I were together for 16 years and married 10 days shy of 12 years. She passed away in May very suddenly. I'm devastated! Life has no meaning, I could care less about anything and everything. Ive lost almost 20lbs, can't eat, can't sleep. I live on *ylenol PM & coffee to sleep and stay awake. I wish God would take me home~

Aug 31, 2014
iam sorry you lost your wife
by: Anonymous

i lost my wife April 6 2014,i know how you feel married four 35 years she pass in the house each day gets harder an harder for me i miss her so much.i cry almost everyday for god to take me she was my soul mate all the kids are gone live faraway from me. very lonely









Apr 30, 2014
I love you Alisa Lorenzo
by: John

I have Lost my wonderful Wife of 5 Years. We have a month old daughter. My Wife Alisa Lorenzo was the most amazing Women I have ever met. She was my everything. She was only 37 years old and the pregnancy was too much. I can't stop crying everything reminds me of her. Most nights when I came home most nights we would prepare dinner together. then walk the dog. I can't stop everyday I am at work I pick up my phone to call her and almost loose it every time. I se so much of her in our daughter and Miss her even more. I miss her so much and I am just trying to get to the next day for our daughters sake. I love you Mia Chon

Apr 05, 2014
HONEY BUNNY PASSED AWAY 2-12-2014
by: RODNEY WAYNE ROOK

SHARON WAS EVERYTHING TO ME. SHE LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY NO MATTER WHAT I DID, SHE LOVED BOOMER DOG AND ME. SHE WOULD SAY RODNEY I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE 2 CENTS OR 2000 DOLLARS IN YOUR POCKET JUST AS LONG WE WERE OK I DON'T CARE. I ALWAYS WANTED SOMEONE TO LOVE ME FOR ME NOT WHAT I COULD DO FOR THEM OR MY FAMILY COULD DO FOR THEM AND I MEET HER, HER NAME WAS SHARON RENEE PEREZ ROOK. SHE AND I GOT SICK THE DAY BEFORE THANKS GIVING. I FEEL THAT THE DR. WHEN SHE 1ST WENT IN THE HOSPITAL DID NOT DO HIS JOB FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS. AS I SIT HERE AT HOME I SEE HER STANDING THERE IN HER RED SHIRT OR ON THE COUCH OR IN THOSE DUMB LOOKING PANTS SHE WOULD WARE.WHEN WE 1ST MET I HAD DRIVERS LICENSES AND LOST MY TRUCK SO WE ENDED UP ON THE STREETS IN EL CAJON, CA FOR ABOUT 2 YR'S. SHE WOULD WASH MY CLOTHS IN A 5 GAL BUCKET
SHE WOULD PUSH A GROCERY CART WITH ALL OF OUR STUFF IN IT TO THE NEXT CAMP AFTER THE COPS WOULD RUN US AWAY FROM THE SPOT THAT WE WERE IN AT THE TIME. MY HEART IS BROKE NO I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF OR ANY THING LIKE THAT. I'M DEAD IN SIDE I FEEL. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE DIED SHE WAS SO HEALTHY AND LOVED LIFE. 53 YRS OLD WHEN SHE DIED. WE WERE GONNA WALK THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL SHE WOULD FOLLOW ME ANYWHERE NO MATTER WHERE IT WAS I WANTED TO GO OR DO. I'M A VERY ADVENTUROUS PERSON SHE WAS RIGHT THERE BY SIDE AND NOW SHE'S GONE. I HELD HER IN MY ARMS AND TOLD HER OVER AND OVER THAT I LOVED HER UNTIL SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH.I DON'T BELIEVE THAT EVEN IF I LOOKED THE WORLD OVER THAT I COULD FIND ANOTHER AS I DID HER. I WISH THAT IT WAS ME AND NOT HER EVERY DAY I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR HER TO HAVE BEEN WITH ME FOR A MINUTE LONGER SO I COLD SAY."HONEY BUNNY I LOVE YOU" AND SHE WOULD SAY I LOVE YOU TOO YOUR MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. AND
SMILE. I'M CRYING AS I WRITE THIS AS I DO EVERY DAY. I DON'T GO TO CHURCH BUT I BELIEVE IN GOD. I HOPE THAT WHAT THEY PREACH IS TRUE. THAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN WHEN I DIE. I HOPE THAT, THAT IS TRUE. BOOMER DOG AND I ARE GONNA TAKE THAT WALK THAT WE WANTED TO DO TOGETHER. I KNOW SHE WILL BE THERE WITH US. SHARON DIED OF A.R.D.S... I WILL LOVE TILL THE END, TILL THE END OF TIME I WILL LOVE YOU HONEY BUNNY ME AND BOOMER DOG.

LOVE YOU,

RODNEY AND BOOMER DOG ROOK

Apr 02, 2014
pleaded a case
by: Net

I lost my wife of 32 years of marriage. She died on 2/2/14, and I miss her so much. It is painful and sometime the sadness comes over me and I can’t control my emotions. My children are wonderful but all 3 live in different states and I do get the time that I want with them. My children are 31, 32, and daughter 21 year old. It’s apparent that I am taking her death the hardest, she was only 50 and would have turned 51 March 9th. I know this will past but for now it’s like I am embracing the moment, this mourning. Thanks for allowing me to share and I hope the best for us all that have lost a wife that we miss so much that there is gilt that we are still alive. I’m sure if we had the opportunity we would have pleaded a case that she needed more time, I’ll even give her my time; but it was time, no extensions. We have to find the best in this horrible disappointment whatever it is, for my woman she is rejoicing in the reunion with her beloved sister, mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. Peace Brothers

Apr 01, 2014
Nobody Knows Until It Happens
by: Mike W

My wife best friend & lifelong companion of 43 years passed away on March 11. There is no preparing for the devastation that ensues once they die. I had 3.5 years to prepare for it while she fought stage 4 breast cancer. I knew that the end would come eventually but could not have guessed just how horrible it would be. I'll bet I have not shed a tear in 35 years. Since March 11 I have cried a river of tears. Cant think about anything except a mental movie of our entire life together. I have no interest in anything or anyone else. There is nothing on the earth that seems to have any value. The feeling of being alone is terrible. When something happens good or bad there is nobody to tell. The future is uncertain and there is no other person who could fill the void. It sure would have been easier if I died first. I used to play in a band & loved music. I cant listen to music any more because every song of the last 50 years reminds me of an era we spent together. This is so bad that I seriously think I may have died and gone to **ll.

Mar 03, 2014
Dont give up.
by: Pat

Just a little more to say, its now 6 months since my beautiful Lydia died, and I am feeling more able to cope
When I came to realize that you never get over the loss, but to try and live with it I found I could move on. It just gets a little more bearable month by month, also I find that I tell it how it is to friends, and if I dont fit into their timeframe of healing its their problem. Luckily my son is extremely patient, helpful and tolerant when I talk about the grief and pain, so I hope you have at least one person that you can talk to.
I hope you are feeling less pain and starting to live your life, because our departed ones would'nt want to see us so sad. God Bless.
Pat.

Dec 11, 2013
dont give up.
by: Pat

I came to this site as I was looking to see if other people are suffering the same deep loss as myself. I too lost my partner 3 months ago after 30 wonderful years together. The loss feels almost to much to bear, especially the loss of direction, and not caring wether I live or die just so I can be with my loved one. But I know this is not the answer and life must go on, I'm sure our loved ones will be there to meet us at our correct appointed time, I look at it this way, they have only changed address and there is a day sometime in the future that has our name on it when we will be moving to our new address also, but in the meantime I know our loved ones would want us to carry on living and gaining wisdom.
When Jesus and the disciples crossed the lake and a storm blew up, the disciples panicked, but Jesus calmed the storm. Well I think life is like that, we set off on a journey of life to get to the otherside but we have storms on the way. So trust in the Lord. I try to keep positive and strong because I know thats what my loved one wants. I also try not to sit around by just keeping busy and find this helps.
There are many people all around the world going thro the same thing. Time does heal slowly.
Blessed are the mourners for they shall be comforted.
God Bless
Pat.


Oct 01, 2013
I lost my wife after 34 years of marriage
by: Kumar Gopalan, Brisbane, AUS

I lost my wife on 14 Jul this year after 34 years of a happily married life. She died within 4 days of being admitted to hospital apparently of lung failure.
For me and my two sons - who both married recently - this was a great loss. She was everything for me, my support, my lover. She was always there for me and would take care of every one of my needs. She always had a positive attitude and would get along with anyone and always willing to help others. Besides, she was very accomplished in South Indian classical music and the veena instrument. I am only 58 and have no idea how I am going to manage the rest of my life.

Aug 15, 2013
Lost my loving wife of 34 years
by: Bob

I recently lost my wife of 34 years - suddenly she was gone. I miss her so very much. My days are full of thoughts and fears. I appreciate reading the other posts here as I tells me I'll make it - although at times I wonder how. I spend each afternoon after work with my love by sitting next to her grave. I'd give anything if we could be together for just a few minutes - but I know that's not possible.
I've asked God to take me home so we can be together, but He hasn't yet answered that prayer.
The once scripture I keep haning on to is 'with God all things are possible" - even getting along without my love.

Apr 29, 2013
My Precious Wife
by: David A.

My wife passed away November 4, 2012 from triple negative breast cancer. We were married for 25 years and have three sons. I miss her so very much that this life seems deficient in purpose. I felt one with her and now half of me is missing. I do not want to wait to join her. I am giving each moment a chance to redeem itself ... I am still waiting ...
May God bless us all!

Jan 02, 2013
20years
by: Anonymous

My died Aug 4th 2012. She was sleeping and felt very tired. I told my son man is mom sleeping well. She had many medical issues but nothing life threatening. At about 11pm I was laying in bed with her watching TV. Around 11;30pm my 16 old son went to say goodnight to his mom. She didn't wake up. So Chris yell at me next to the wife. I got up and ran over the bed and started yell to wake up since we go boating that morning. I got to her and started CPR and told chris to call 911. It felt like it took hours before EMTS came. They took over for a long time. Finianly got the worst news in my entire life, that she died at 43yrs old. It's Christmas and New years and can't untangle are lives. I must cry everyday and can't find any passion at all. Both of are lives were taking care of us 3. I don't have any ideas except meds to help take pain away but that temporary. Each day is 90% bad and 10%OK. The life changes are to extreme when you have had a great life with your wife. It's hard to get the death out of my head since she died on my watch. And my son call 911 and watching his mother laying on the floor me holding her until the medical examiner came and took her away. Each day I trie to find a bright spot but that could last mininites. Well Some how i will have to figure this out. God Bless.

Nov 27, 2012
Never get anger with your loved wife
by: Narayanan M

I lost my wife recently 7 days before after 22 years together with wonder life with 2 daughter and one son, after her death only I realize I lost my true love, I always in bad mood, for petty issue i used hurt her feelings and never listen to her feelings at all, always adamant and rude behavior which result lost of my wife which she is have strength to face more. Now I realize my mistake which I made for not giving her true love with affection and understanding her feelings. Now I feel very lonely, and my afraid how to come out of this situation, which I need to accept for our 3 children's. I pray to the god to take her into his heart, and give her peace in heaven. I don't know how to live now without her.

Nov 23, 2012
Our Angel in Heaven
by: Frederick

I lost my wife,best friend life partner and mother to our beautiful daughter of 16 years.She was daignosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2010
then on dec 23 2011 we were told that it had spread to her bones.We knew that it would not be long before her battle with this cancer would take her,just never realized how time goes by so fast.On Nov 2 2012 she went to Heaven.I am so distraught that i do not know what to do,sometimes i just want to be there with her but i have a daughter to take care of.We did have some time to discuss her death but it hurts so bad i can not function,I sit and look at picture and think that she was cheated in life not being able to live her life see our daughter graduate 8th grade,high school even get married.I cry alot even yell at god for taking her,I MISS HER DEARLY
How do i get by?

Oct 13, 2012
Dont make my mistake
by: Ted C

I don't no how to even be of help. But I lost the love of my life Jan - 21 - 2011. And I haven't been the same since. This was our second marriage. She had 2 girls and a boy, I had 2 boys. And I sure hope things get better. I have nearly chased my beautiful children out of my life. Because I don't no how to reach out to them. Then I sit in the cab of a tr all day and come and my wife is not their. My biggest mistake is that I'm trying to replace my wife with my kids. I wish just like you do sir. How will my life be fool again? I wish I knew. I do know one thing. She is in my heart and very much alive. And I know yours is also. The crying will subside but never go away, and it shouldn't. Just don't Chase your children away, lime I have. It hurts worse then. Maybe on day we can talk. Sincerely Ted C.t

Jul 05, 2012
I miss my wife everyday
by: Gordon

My wife of 4 years took her own life on April 23rd. I also witness her doing it. It was the worse day of my life. Im still in shock. It is a struggle everyday. She has a 19 year old daughter and a 16 year old son who I will always consider my children. I also have a 15 years of son. I know I have to be strong for them but it is very differcult. I dont even want to know what the Bible says about suicide because Im afraid to know. I have faith that God has forgiven her and she is an Angle looking down on us.

Apr 10, 2012
Lost my wife of 38 years last month.
by: Ray

Dude, I feel your pain. I just lost my wife of 38 years last month. Ouch it really did hurt. What helped me was really simple and an accident. After the funeral and all the relatives left I spent all of my time resting and getting as much sleep as possible. I also did a lot of crying during these early days and feeling alone and sorry for myself. Then it hit me.
I have sworn to make Grief my friend and to understand it as an expression of the love I had for my wife. I have also completely forgiven my wife for any faults or things she had done wrong and I released her to go see her father (dad) in heaven. He proceeded her by about 20 years. And, you know what! The next day i started feeling better with the more rest that I got.
Let her go man. Demonstrate your love for her by asking her to go to heaven. Show your love for her by healing and moving forward with the rest of your life. That's what my wife would want for me and I bet yours would want the same for you.
Good luck!

Mar 10, 2012
I Lost my wife suffering recurrence breast cancer
by: Kyaw Winn

I have grief same to you
My deeply loved wife just passed away on 25th Feb 2012. I felt like sparrow beaten up by flat wooden at my head causing really unhappy with life at moment. I have still 3 children who are biological children from her i deeply love them. I will take advantages on them and strive with my life, my heart whenever and whatever do they need. my daughter face looks her mother, thanks alot. My two sons are look like me. Sometime I feel so lonely, so hopeless. Nobody else encourage me, loyal me, care me like two in one soul. I can trust you and vice-vesa. Now who else. But only my mother left. My mother still alive. I can trust her else.

Mar 03, 2012
I lost my wife of 30 years a month ago of sudden death.
by: eh yeap

I lost my beloved wife of 30years a month ago.I am now alone with no children. I am thinking of committing sucide to join her. Life in this world is no more is it possible i can meet her there. Please help me thanku all

Mar 02, 2012
Sorry for your loss
by: Janet

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. You have nothing to feel shamed about. We all handle grief diferently. I drink wine or beer every night and no I do not get drunk but that is what we did and I am working to remember to say "First one of the day". We never started before 5 or 5:30 in the afternoon and one the wine is good for me in that it keeps my vitamin B Levels up and I do not become anemic, which I am prone to. Jim suffered from rhuemathoid arthritis and it helped eased the pain for him so he could at least sleep. He was so afraid of becoming addicted to pain pills. It was his greatest fear.

Unfortunately he did not die from either of those. His bronocular tubes cloaasped and there was no way of saving him. We were in Belize when it happened and I have to thank all of my wonderful friends their for helping me the first two weeks after his death. I do not know where I would be today if it was not for them. THey have been an inspiration to me and I look forward to seeing them all again this summer, even for a short visit, until I can permanently move there.

I think that a sudden death is harder to deal with than anything thing else. We do not have time to say our good byes or anything really. We have to learn to come with being alone so suddenly and without any notice. It is very difficult but I believe we will survive in the long run. This is a hard and painfull journey that we travel and may God give us the strength to travel it safely and know that He is there with us as we make this journey.

I would like to share something with you that I have taped to my printer and I see and read it every morning; "Good morning...this is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help. So have a good day." I am learning to let Him take care of my problems and to safely hold me in the palm of his hand. This is a new step for me but I am learning.

Remember one breath, one step, one day at a time. That is all we can do. May God hold you in the palm of His Hand and may you find peace when you are least expecting it.

Mar 01, 2012
Losing Our Love
by: TrishJ

Don't feel ashamed. I lost my husband of 38 years just a little over a year ago. There were many days that I didn't want to go on. Losing Joe was the hardest thing I have ever been face with in my life. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was 19 when we met and he was all I knew of this life.
Although I've had many a setback, things are starting to get better (but just a little). I thought I was going to live my life in absolute pain and agony. I'm still very lonely and miss my husband every day. What I wouldn't give to just be able to spend one more day with him.
You aren't going crazy. You are grieving. We grieve so hard because we loved so deeply. It's like trying to recover from major surgery. We feel as if our heart has been twisted inside out.
I had to learn to take things just one day at a time. The thought of living possibly another 20 or 30 years without my husband sent me into panic attacks. Surround yourself with people who "have your back" and be kind to yourself.
I spent one year longing for my husband and refusing any thought of a life without him. I basically sat feeling sorry for myself. I'm starting to get out more and appreciate what I have remaining in my life. I will never get over the death of my husband, I will always love and miss him. He will be in my heart until the day I join him.
All we can do is do our best. I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a great web site to come and vent. We care and we don't judge anyone. All of our lives have blown up in our faces and we know the pain.
Try to look for the little signs each day that your wife is still with you. She loves you still and always will. Make her proud of you.

God bless.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!