I lost my wife of 31yrs..she (Tammy) was 51.

my wife and I Met jus just barely 20 and I was 23. 4 months later we were married and have been married for 31 years. February 16th 2013 I woke up to find my wife dead of an unkown cause. its been 3 months now and everytime I come back into my house that's all I think about is my wife Tammy. During the day I am out babysitting my grandchildren and that takes up some of my mind set.still at 3 months I find myself crying and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I think about moving because everything here reminds me of Tammy, but then if I move well I be leaving her?

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Jun 13, 2013
time to heal
by: Anonymous

At first it consumes you but as the yrs go by it eases but sometimes on special occations it jumps out and gets you by surprise but that is usually a shorter lived thank god but be prepared for it as at first it is a bit of a shock ...its been 5 yrs now since I lost my beautifle wife I loved so much after 36 yrs of marriage I woke and she had died at the side of me it was fathers day so this week I have felt very sad and empty but at least I understand it and why... o I could write much much more about this but it will only make me sad so good luck to you all in your long road of grief....lots and lots of love to you all

john xxxx

May 24, 2013
lost my wife of 31 yrs.....
by: silver

I was at my husbands side when he died but he was in the ICU.If he had recovered and come home I would have been in your place.That is one of my blessings I think.He had emphysema,got pneumonia,couldn't breathe(he only had 43% of his lung power left).The pneumonia went septic and killed his kidneys.The dialysis began killing his heart.While he was unconscious they found a "lump" in one of his lungs(they said prob cancer).With so little lung power he would have been sentenced to a chair with oxygen 24/7 and chemo.It might have given him a couple more weeks.To a man who spent his whole life in outside work this would have been terrible.I know I would have been terrified to sleep or leave his side.I decided not to see him tortured that way even if he had made it with the kidney failure.I thank GOD I was able to hold him during his last few minutes on this earth.He died one week after our 33rd anniversary.The 22nd of May would have been our 35th.May is hard for me because of these two days and mothers day.My mom died 11 months before him.Dear June and Alan,the best I can say is that it does begin to get easier.It has been 2yrs for me this May.I still cry but not every day.I didn't wash my husband's things until the smell was gone.It helped to remember him.Here at the two yr mark I still have a lot of his things.I gave some to his sons but that is all so far.We bought the home I live in just months before he died.I can't see me not living in the place we chose together.He was cremated and his ashes are on this land we picked out together.I KNOW where he is and I KNOW we will be together again.I find that talking about him keeps him alive for me.I have found solace here in the letters and poetry.I thank all of you for your words and comfort.I ask GOD to send you peace and comfort.I pray for us all.

May 18, 2013
The truth
by: Anonymous

Yes agree completely the pain and greif is too much to bear but what ever is ordained is ordained no one can do any thing but bear it and do what she liked most thanks

May 17, 2013
So very difficult
by: June

So sorry about Tammy. I really don't have any great comments or advice, just that this is a great website to come to.

My Mike passed away a year ago and I still come to this site for comfort. I miss him so much...and it is getting worse. I think I was in a "fog" for most of last year and now realizing he is not coming back. I, like you, have grandchildren to try and take my mind off what I have lost. Life will never be the same, we were married for 42 years. I feel comforted by Mike's things around me so have decided to stay were I am. I keep busy, gardening, walking the dog, seeing friends, take courses, etc. but sometimes (most times) I wonder what this life is all about. No one will ever take Mike's place and I'm just waiting to be Together Again.
Thinking of you and hope you find peace.
June
Canada

May 17, 2013
I feel for you
by: Alan

Will anyone ever understand what it's like to wake up next to your beloved partner of many years oblivious of what is about to happen to you and how your life is just about to change forever. My situation was exactly the same as yours. My darling wife had passed away right next to me. That dreadful, awful moment when you realise that there's something terribly wrong. That hammer to your soul when you say "Darling, please wake up!" Then trying to forlornly save her life. Then watching the paramedics trying to save her life until they say "sorry, we've done all we can do". Then it starts, this awful thing they call grief. I know what you are going through.
Everyone is an individual, but being here in my home where I shared my life with my beautiful soulmate has kept me going. My son has asked me to stay at his house but I couldn't bear to be away from where she was. All her stuff is exactly as it was. I can smell her scent, I can see her clothes, her bathroom stuff. I will never leave this house permanently. This is where we had our babies, where we laughed, loved, cried. From a mud fight in the yard to cuddling on the couch, loving and yes, fighting sometimes.
You ask should you move but in my case the memories of us together in our home has kept me going. You will always feel this intense grief but at least in your home there is tangible proof that your darling wife was alive. You don't want to add on to your grief by losing where you both loved and lived.
My prayers and best wishes to you. You are not alone. There is heaps of people that read this site that will be thinking of you.

May 17, 2013
I lost my wife of 31yrs.. she (Tammy) was 51.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your wife Tammy of 31yrs. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 1yr. ago of MESOTHELIOMA a deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos.
It is good have the distraction of grandchildren. They bring such joy at an appropriate time. You will feel sorrow that your wife is not here to enjoy those golden moments with grandchildren. I cry desperately that my husband is missing these moments. He could have done with such joy in his life.
I know how you feel about walking into an empty house and she is not there. I do the same thing. There are so many reminders and triggers to set one off into tears. 3 months is still too early for you to be moving forward. Crying is good because you are grieving well and it means you will heal much better.
Grief advice always says don't make any changes in the first year. GOOD ADVICE. I made too many changes when I was so numb I wouldn't feel the impact and loss of what I was changing. some of the changes were appropriate but others were too soon and a mistake. I should have waited and I would have saved myself a lot of pain and expense. I was debating whether to move home. I am glad I didn't move. I have instead made changes to the home and landscaped the garden with a memorial spot to my beloved husband with a solar powered fountain and roses everywhere as he loved flowers but more so ROSES. It is painful losing all those personal items like his cowboy boots. His waistcoat, and his log cabin with a dream catcher he loved. I had to give away his BMW and I miss going out with him in his dream car. You will have lots of memories that make you cry. This is the hard part of grief.
I hope you have supportive friends and family to walk with you through this difficult time. May you be comforted in your grief and sorrow.

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