I lost my wife of 39 years.
In the space of one month I lost my mother and then my beautiful loving wife of almost 39 years. Its been a bad year thus far and right now I am having so much difficulty coping with the grief and anxiety .My mother lived in Europe and even though I went to see her now and then (I have been in Canada 40 years.)Her death was much easier to deal with than that of my wife. I am beside myself with anger,denial, stress, anxiety and the list goes on. My grief is unreal. I loved her so much and nursed her through Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis.She was taking the best meds money could buy but she was diagnosed when it was severe and the drugs only work on mild to moderate patients and even then they only slow down the inevitable. There is no cure for this disease and they do not know what causes it. I watched my wife slowly lose her ability to breath and I had gone home from hospital to get washed and changed . I was called at home and on my way back to the hospital the love of my life passed away. My sons were there when she passed and I had made sure they would be there otherwise I would not have left.I feel so guilty for not being there for her . Its like she waited until I left to slip away. I have had to take care of everything after her death as I am the only one who can sign, pay and do the necessary things that are required. It has only been one month and even though I know its early days yet in this grief situation ,I get the feeling I will never get over this. She was so brave and even though we knew what was going to happen it did not make it easier. She was in no pain and morphine made it easier for her to get over the anxiety of shortness of breath. She was 62 and it was our 39th anniversary yesterday. The doctors told us that this disease can last five years and as early as two years, in my wifes case it was just one year. I have never felt such sadness. John.