I lost my yesterday after a hard fight
Several weeks ago on a Tuesday my dad went to the hospital for general weakness and trouble breathing. He had fluid in the lungs so they suspected pnuemonia and checked him in over night for observation. That night he had a massive heart attack and was put on a ventalator. At first the ICU staff at the VA hospital gave him little hope, but he was a fighter and became stable enough to be tranported to the best heart hospital in town by the end of the day Wednesday.
The Doctor at the heart hospital was not very optimistic. His blood pressure was improving, but was still on too high a dose of blood pressure medication to do any surgery and he was also on blood thinners so they could not even do the angiograph at that time. By Friday he had improved enough for the angiogram where they found 4 block arteries and a bad valve. They scheduled the surgery for the following Sunday.
The 7 hour bypass valve replacment surgery went well and the doctors were confident in a full recovery. That went slower than planned as he spent an extra week in ICU, but was ententually transfered a regular room. For the next week he continued to recover at a fast pace and really looked good.
He was eventually transfered to a rehab center to prepare to come home. He got better everyday and initially planned to send him home yesterday, but got moved back as they found additional funding and everyone agreed 3 more days of rehab would do him good.
Instead I got the 6am phone call from my mom letting know that he had been taken back to the VA hospital and they didn't expect him to make it. His blood thinner dose was too high and he had a stoke plus internal bleeding. My Dad asked they remove him from life support. It was truly his choice. Just befor 6pm he had passed.
I was in shock all day yesterday although sad I was dealing with it ok. I felt cheated as he had fought so hard to get back home only to end up where he started. I thank God I had the chance to tell him good bye as well as spend so much time with him in the last couple of weeks.
I had a little trouble sleeping, but would turn on the TV and drift back off after a few minute. At just before 4am I had a dream where I was wailing over my Dads death as I had not only lost my father, but my best friend as well. I woke up out of this dream with a crushing sadness. It felt like a huge weight had been dropped on me. I started crying and started feeling the loss, the reality I would never speak to him again. The wave of sadness was unbelieveable. I can honestly say I have never felt like this before I could not get away from it, I would sit, but would want to stand. I decided to take a walk and that helped some, so drove over to check on my Mom, but she had stayed at my brothers.
I finally called my Sister and our talk was very theraputic. It seemed to ease the burden, but I can feel it coming back.
I know this is the cycle of life, but that is little consolation right now.
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