I lost the love of my ife

by Marilyn Bricker
(Columbus, Ohio)

Ten years ago I met a man from West Africa, I had never dated a man of color, I fell deeply and madly in love with him. We saw each other frequently but never lived together. He died this April 9th and upon his death I found out for the first time that he had three children I didn't know about and two wives, I even paid for a divorce thinking we would be married but he married someone else, but I did not know, I should have seen the signs years ago but I loved him so much, so what I had with him was real to me, but he never let on.

I gave to him all I could emotionally and physically and monetarily, you would think I would be glad he is dead, but my part in the ten years was real and it is driving me insane to know I will never see him again. He hadn't called me for four days which was very unusual, so I called his job and they told me that he died that past Friday; because no one knew of me nobody told me and i have no closure.

I am not sure how to deal with this at all, I have cried for months now (3) and it seems I am not better, it is like a movie going around in my head, I wish I could stop it and move on, but I can't. Some days aren't so bad but most are unbearable, and I have to continue to work, but Idrissa Kamara will always be in my soul, even after the lies he told, because He is the love of my life.