I lost the love of my life on August 5, 2014, he was supposed to come home!
On march 4, 2014 my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer with maybe some lymph node involvement. For the next 4 months he endured the dreadful chemotherapy and radiation. To everyones surprise, my husband shrunk his cancer 75%. He was scheduled to have an esophagectomy on July 29, 2014. His surgery was a success. The tumor was removed, and there was NO lymph node involvement. He will be coming home in 9 to 10 days. First 5 days in the hospital were progressive, nurses were a nightmare however! Especially the night nurses. After the 5th day my husband started going backwards. No longer walking, rapid heart beats, shortness of breath. I must have walked around that hospital like a drill sergeant demanding someone listen to my husbands complaints! To me, it was as if they thought my husband was a big complainer! We have a 9 year old son, whom we adopted at birth. My husband fought everyday to get better for him, to go back home and continue his ball playing and endless time spent together, all of us as a family who couldn't ever be separated!! On August 5th, 2014 at 8:39 am my husband died! He was supposed to come home on the 6th!! What happened?? We still don't know! I watched the whole thing and will forever be traumatized! How do you make sense?? How do you go on?? How do you explain to our 9 year old son whose father said to him that Sunday, "see ya Wednesday son" that his father will never be home! It will get easier I'm told, time will heal I'm told, life will go on I'm told!!! Please, everyday that passes I feel more hurt, more pain! My air has been taken from my body, my heart has been ripped apart, my life is unrecognizable and I can't even look at our son anymore!!! It's all too painful!!! This doesn't come with an instruction book!! I lost my father, he was 50, my husband was there for me! I lost my husband, he just turned 50! It's all too much! I know, I know, stay strong you say, you have your son to take care of, wish it were that easy!! We did everything together! The world is unrecognizable! I am a robot going through the motions of life! I have a sting faith in God, I will pray everyday that I get strength to go on. This just SUCKS!! No other word for it! Our beautiful life is shattered to pieces! My heart is broken! I hope God takes me as soon as my son has a family of his own! Until then, I remain feeling less, heartless, emotionless and lifeless!