I lost the love of my life

by Karen

I had known him most of my life. Always had a special bond with him. He came back into my life over a year ago and after 2 months was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We did everything we could. He would only go to treatments now and then and did not follow any instructions. It was obvious that we loved each other very much, but he was never one to follow rules. I moved in with him about 5 months before he died. He was still able to get around then. Early in the spring, he decided to go back and really fight this cancer. We were planning a life together and he was now ready to fight it and thought he would beat it. Then things started going downhill very fast. He lost control of his hands and could no longer walk. All of this happened in the course of about 2 weeks, and then one morning I woke up and he was gone. I can't get over it. I saw it coming and knew it was going to happen, and when it happened it still was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. While I was living with him, he was happy and with summer coming, just realized that we could have a good life together so he wanted to get back in the fight for his life, but it was too late. I feel like part of me is missing.

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Jun 22, 2012
I lost the love of my life
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Karen
I am sorry for your loss of your partner from lung cancer. My husband died almost 7 weeks ago from MESOTHELIOMA. (lung cancer caused by working with asbestos). Steve fought this for 3yrs.39days and I buried him on 25th May.2012. Life is hard now and I feel as if half of me is missing. I am sitting here all alone and it doesn't make sense to have a lonely life now. Life is never the same. We are never quite prepared for this loss. You were planning a future together. Summer was coming and YES! we could both have had good quality times with our loved one. Now it is all gone and all we have is Lonliness and empty days till we can find our way back in life. I dread the days ahead. Every day seems like an uphill struggle. I don't have the motivation to do anything. You can only watch so much TV. You go to bed alone and you rise to an empty room. I listen to the radio in the night and so this helps. But I am not sleeping well and so I am always tired. Joy will never come back into life in quite the same way again. different life experiences. It is like starting all over again. I don't feel like doing this. I know I am fortunate to not have to work as I am retired. I don't have a mortgage. The house is paid up. It is the running costs that will be difficult. Paying the gas and electric bills. The council Tax. The water bill. The TV Licence. the House Insurance. then Food. The only good thing now is that I do less shopping now so this feels better to buy half of what I used to buy. Less bags to carry in the house. less cooking. But I still want Steve back. I want to cook all his favourite meals. I want to help him clean his garage. Now I have to do this alone. I want to clean his car with him. I was his labourer. Steve was a carpenter and I assisted him on all house jobs and this was good working together. What a loss of skill to the world. A talented man. Steve built a log cabin and I can't go in there now. It is too painfull. Steve didn't get to enjoy what he worked hard for. If I sell the house someone else will benefit. I need a smaller home which is more economical to heat and clean and running costs lower. We all face the same things now. CHANGE.
Best wishes in all you do and may you find Peace and the support you need to help you through your difficult days.

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