I love him like a hog loves slop

by Katie Green
(ohio, usa)


That's the phrase my father always told me before going off to work each morning when I was young. I am 17 and my sister is 10. We were 16 and 9 when my father passed away on April 12, 2011. He did not work for quite a few years before he died, but was not retired. He was on disability due to heart problems. He was very big in his younger years but lost tons of weight, but it already took toll on him and his heart was failing. He had to stop work and had to get a pacemaker. I could see now that I look back at pictures how the last five years of his life he had started looking so weak and frail. He was only 56. I miss him so much. He couldn't get a heart transplant because they said he would die on the table because his liver was also failing and they gave him one year to live but he lived over 2 and a half so for that I am thankful. He got sick and had to go to the hospital cause his whole body was failing due to his immune system not kicking in. He started hallucinating too. I saw him but barely cause the doctors had certain visiting hours so he could rest. I stayed with him all day the first time he went to the hospital but my aunt took me and my sis home while mom stayed but we couldn't sleep so we just didn't go to school that monday and went back up to the hospital. on tuesday we went back to school because on wednesday we were going to stay the night that night cause we had a 2 hour delay scheduled. But during my home base I was called down to the office and my cousin took us up to the hospital because they lost his pulse. By the time we got there he was gone because my mom had him revived once but not the second time because he always told us to not make him get on a machine so she let him go. It was and still is really hard for me. It doesn't seem hard for mom cause she flirts with guys already. It makes me sick, and she would never get a guy like dad cause dad loved her for who she was and they were married two years before I came along so it would have been 19 years. He also died 6 days before I turned 17 and the day I turned 17 was the first day I went back to school since the death. It was my birthday and I went back to school so it was really hard, but my teacher got me a thing of flowers and a card, so that was real nice. It has been 8 months already and I miss him so much. Sometimes I wish I could die to be with him but it is my senior year and I will be going to college soon and I have my college all picked out so I try to let that be my will to live. That I have my whole life ahead of me and I would like to get married and have kids after college. Well thats my story.

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