I love you... I love her.. I love you... I love her..
I've been married for 20yrs. We have 4 children. My husband keeps falling in LOVE with total strangers. Strangers in part because they have no clue that he feels this way and they have shown zero interest. He came to me a year ago and said that he loved our new neighbor and that God told him that he was the man to care for her. He said he wasn't in love with me anymore "in that way" and wanted a divorce. I should add that this woman had NO CLUE about this. My husband was ready to give up nearly 20 yrs and a family for a woman that he had never spoke to besides a brief hello. I cried nonstop. He would change his mind and say that he loved me and then the next day he would say he was sorry but that he loved her. I finally had enough and when he came back to me the next day, I rejected him. He then starts crying and begging me. WTF! So, I would give in and he would be so sorry. A week later he again confessed his love for her. Finally, he saw that she had a serious boyfriend and I guess he had no more chance with her, so he settled on me. This was a very hard year. All the trust was gone. Then 2 weeks ago he declared he loved a woman at work. He wanted a divorce to be with her. She had no idea about his feelings. She is engaged to another man! After a week I am ready to go. I don't know where, but anywhere other then this hell. So then he actually somehow gets me to believe he is only confussed and really loves me. For a week we have the best relationship ever. Then out of nowhere he loves her. Again he goes back and forth. Yesterday he changed his mind 9 times. NO JOKE! He went from declaring his love for her and saying that he didn't love me as much as her, to then begging and crying and pleading me to stay with him. I think he is mental. I just want to pull my hairout. My heart has never hurt so much. He says he is scared to be alone because I have some serious medical problems. I strongly doubt this for his reason, because Im the one that put that idea in his head. I was trying to figure out why he was doing this. Well, last night I called that woman at his work. She was shocked and said that she had zero interest in him. He is so mad. He said, "How can you embarrass me like that at my work?" I wanted to get to the bottom of this. Now since he has no other options, he wants me. An hour ago we sat to talk and he actually said, "I never meant to say I loved her. You made me say that. I was trying to say I liked her as a friend and nothing more. I never liked her more then just a friend. You were confusing me." NO JOKE. WTF. He smiles and acts like this was all a misunderstanding for 2 weeks. Our children (older children ages 13 &15) were ready to move because daddy wanted to divorce mommy and marry some else. How can I ever trust him again? Especially when he can't even admit the truth. I don't think I can ever love him again. My heart is VOID of all love for him. It's gone. I'm trying to find it. We have children. I want to make this work, but I don't love him anymore. I think this is all bad anyhow. Our kids should not be in this hell. I've decided to move out and get my own place. After a year maybe we can reevaluate this situation. I feel bad that I no longer love him. I am passed the hate stage. I just have zero feelings for him. He is a stranger to me. He keeps trying to reach out and love me and my heart takes this as poison. How can all that love just up and disappear?