I love you Kim

by Janet Williams
(Katy, TX)

July 1st, 2011 my daughter passed after having had a heart attack in 2008, a large kidney stone early 2009 and then while healing from that was diagnosed with breast cancer that went into her bones by Nov. 2010 and was told in Mar, 2011 she had 3-6 mos to live. She died a horrible painful death and I held her hand while she drew her last breath, her 2 brothers and her only son and my other half was with her too. We all continue to cry everyday and miss her so very much. Everyone who ever met her loved her. I feel I will never again have a day when I don't become overwhelmed with the grief and sadness. The day she passed and they came to take her I ran into my bedroom grabbed some pillows turned on some music pushed my face into the pillows and screamed and cried while they took her body out of our home. Her son and my sons came into the room and laid on the floor and held me. The pain we all suffered with her will never leave us.

I lost my first born daughter when she was only 13 days old 54yrs ago and never got over that loss. So I know first hand
it never leaves you ever.

My heart goes out to all of you as you are my sisters and brothers of children who have gone on.
Janet

Comments for I love you Kim

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Sep 15, 2011
Hoping to hear from you all again
by: Janet

Hello to all of you that has written me. I hope to hear from you all again letting me know how each and everyone of you are doing now. Its been 11 wks tomorrow since my Kim passed and I come here and reread my story and the sweet and loving words from all of you and your experiences. Shirley you are right it helps when you know others out there share your feelings as only those of us who have walked that walk can know how much it hurts and the hole that is left in your heart. I keep you all in my heart and hope that you are all beginning to heal some. I hope that I am too even though everyday feels the same, filled with painful and horrible memories of her suffering. But then I now have moments when I feel that she is in a better place and I try to hang onto those moments and feel her closeness at that time.

I wrap my arms around each of you and hold you near perhaps our collective closeness will help us all.

Kim's mom Janet

Aug 18, 2011
I love you Kim
by: Janet

It really helps reading all the love that comes my way from this site. My loving thoughts and prayers reach out to all of you that have such a hard hit loss. Thank you for your continued
support.

Aug 09, 2011
I love you Kim
by: Janet

Wow the more stories I read here the more I realize I am in the company of some very special people. People who loved and lost so much, like I have and in such a tough way. I am holding you all in my heart and prayers too. Maybe together we can help each other get to a place where we can at least live with our pain. I know for me it is so very fresh. My sons and I talk almost daily and we all know how much we continue to see things in our minds that is hard to shake off. I worry about her son (my grandson) he has taken off on a road trip with his mothers ashes to hold a couple of memorials in 2 states where we all lived at one time. He holds a lot inside.

Thank you so much all of you.
Janet

Aug 09, 2011
I am so sorry
by: Colleen (sweet John's mom)

Kim,
I read your blog and it really hit me because my son too died as I held his hand. I have night mares about when the coroner picked him up. The day before he passed, he laid in my lap " and said don't worry , mom but I have to go, I am good with god."
It has been a little over 3 months for me, and the pain is still here. I feel deep sorrow and anguish in my heart.
I will pray for you

Aug 09, 2011
from California
by: Anonymous

Janet....In less than two hours it will be the one year mark that I lost my 23 year old son Dimitri from leukemia. I also held him as he drew his last breaths. This year has been challenging and very very painful. I am not the same person I was before he died. My world has no more color. I've been attending The Compassionate Friends meetings every month and I also belong to a couple of facebook grief sites (Grieving Mothers and Parents Who Lost Children to Cancer) and it is in these places that I feel completely safe in telling Dimitri's story over and over and over again. I'll tell his story until it is out of my system even if it takes the rest of my life. Hang in there. This is fresh for you and it's a catastrophic loss. Be kind to yourself and grieve in whatever manner helps you. Hugs from another grieving mom.
Shirley

Aug 08, 2011
I love you Kim
by: Janet

Thank you so much for the love I feel from you all.
Its good to know others care. We all share pain together. My love back to all of you. My daughter never had a bad word for anyone. I know we will be with our loved ones again.

Aug 08, 2011
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for writing what you feel. It is real and true. May God bless and heal us all.

Aug 07, 2011
kim
by: Anonymous

so sorry for your sad loss in my heart god bless you and your family xxxx

Aug 07, 2011
I can't imagine
by: Anonymous

Janet: I cannot imagine the agonizing sorrow you and your family feel at the loss of your daughter, Kim. You went through so many setbacks with her. I've no doubt she realized your love every step of the way.
You are in my prayers.

Aug 07, 2011
loss husband
by: Anonymous

My husband died June 8 2011 at home from kidney cancer. we had been together 39 years. I share your pain.

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