I love you my darling

by Kay


It has been just over 1 year since you were taken from this earthly plane.I am slowly ...getting through each day ....some dragging myself around,some ..just ok.Today I am a mess, crying .....no make that sobbing so hard ...I felt a huge build up of emotion,lying just below the surface.Today it has broken through.....I adore you my wonderful son,I miss you more each day...I want to hold you so badly like a mother should hold her child..I close my eyes at night and imagine I am holding you.I am so sorry that I am as weak as this...I have really tried so hard.Truth is I feel like it will take a lifetime to heal....The pain is still so very very intense,my heart feels like a gaping wound that is raw and aching.

Comments for I love you my darling

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Jun 05, 2011
Love for your son
by: M Mack


Although it has been a little over a year, you are still facing the final decision God made to take Dean. Call on your faith for there are many here who need it to get through. Grief is not something that is easily overcome and your heart and soul needs to look it in the face and stand strong. You're not alone here and loosing someone you really love is terrible and feels like there is never closure. I am in the 11th month and I still feel this horrible pain. Everyday I wake up and go to bed with the same thoughts, memories of the past, not having the love of my life here to hold. Yes I am so lonely without him and some days I just won't accept that he is gone. I'm also angry that he was taken from me for no real reason. However, when God decides it's time, his word is final. You will be with Dean again one day, but until then, you have to work through this. I was told something and read on this site that I need to let go. The souls we loose feel our pain and worry about us. So if not for you, try to let him rest in peace and not have to worry about you. You were a good mom and he loves you very much. Hang in there Kay and know that we are here and feel your pain. Sending you hugs and some very strong prayers for strength.

Jun 04, 2011
Momma said ther'd be days like this....
by: Ms Mrs Miss?


We will have days where it all comes crashing down. Whether we want to admit it or not we think that grief is something that we can overcome. That is eventually. Not so in new grief.
New grief makes us think that we cannot do this I don't want to do this.

We know that things will never be the same and as the days pass and we find more strength instead of absolute desolation we think... Hey I think I'm going to make it! I Just might be o.k...Then a memory will hit you and hit you hard enough to knock you off you feet.

I can relate, Today (June 4th) would have been Pauls 47th Birthday and I knew that all along as the days marched from May to June that it was coming. But as the day progressed the thoughts would not leave my head would NOT leave me alone.

The thought that he was 45 when he died. I thought I had "gotten over" that we won't grow old together as is every lovers dream. The fact that his younger son will not really know him. His Daughter will not have him to walk her down the Isle. (sp) She has found a wonderful man and in time they may just marry. I will be meeting him when she visits this summer. Her dad was very protective of his little girl and of anyone who dared try to date her.

All these things came crashing down my mind at work and I just could not stop crying. I tried to change the subject thinking wise but it kept coming back to how cheated I felt how I missed him so very much. I thought that I had grown past all those thoughts. So as rocky and bullwinkle would say....The moral of the story is there will be good days and not so good days as in life and in death do us part.

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