I love you Papa

by Belle

My dad lives alone in our old house since he and mom separated. I was away for work the last 7 years and finally went back home on July 2012 and stayed with my mom to look after my nephew. We visit Dad as often as we can though he lives in another city. Good thing is his brothers built a house next door and I was glad he isn't that alone anymore. Since July 2012, my dad never had a serious asthma attack even though he had when I was away but he was able to recover. Yesterday, I got a text telling me that my dad died. I was in shock and I tried to convince myself its all a bad dream. My father was strict and not that expressive in showing love but he was a good man. He always reads the bible and gives me a lot of encouragement. He gives if he has extra and buys us our favorite food. I am so devastated because we were supposed to visit him in the morning that day since its a holiday. I am in pain coz I should have given my dad more time,money and care. I love my Papa but he's gone now. I miss him already and I don't know what to do since he was taken so sudden. I have a lot of regrets and wish I could turn back time.

Comments for I love you Papa

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Jan 07, 2014
One step at a time
by: Belle

Dear Silver,
Again thank you for your kind words. I got past through the holidays and on his birthday. It was definitely different and I sure did miss my Papa a lot. I am just taking it one step at a time in moving on and I am at a better place than the last time I erote here. I know my Papa would want me to be strong always. Again Silver, I really appreciate it. God bless you.

Sep 26, 2013
I love you Papa
by: silver

Dear Belle,I am a retired nurse and I know that feeling of not being able to "fix" things.My husband had the same problem...pneumonia.He had emphysema and woke up one morning saying "I can't breathe". I was told it was 'walking pneumonia'.By the time I got him to the hospital his O2 SAT was 68 which as you know is bad.They intubated him and put him in ICU.He died 5 days later.It's so hard to realize that we can't always fix things.We even feel guilty sometimes because we didn't. I am just thankful that he didn't suffer a lot.As always I send you prayers to help you gain some peace and strength from GOD.

Sep 26, 2013
I miss you so much Papa
by: Belle

Thank you Doreen and Silver for your kind words. They are comforting and I appreciate the time you spent to place a comment here.
I miss my Papa so much though. I still can't accept the fact that he is gone. He died on Wednesday around 1 am and it was written as Pneumonia on his death certificate. I can't understand why it was Pneumonia and it was not specified. You see, Papa suddenly screamed and rushed out of his house to my uncles saying "Help me, I cannot breathe". Some neighbors heard him shout but they thought it was a domestic fight.He was DOA since there were no vehicles available that time of the day and my uncles and cousin panicked. My uncles who live next door to him told me that they went to their sister's house that Sunday and he was happy and chatty and he ate a lot of fatty foods esp the roasted pork and even took some home. The neighbor told me that Papa looked fine that Tuesday morning and they even joked around while Papa was pulling out weeds at the front gate. It is all sudden and we were supposed to visit him that Wednesday morning since it was a holiday.It is so devastating since my sister and I are nurses but we weren't able to save our father since we weren't there. We know that e has Asthma and Diabetes ever since but how could he die in such state. My brother told me that when he went to Papa's house that afternoon after we were told Papa died, that on his bed lay his asthma inhaler, his Bible, his glasses and his pillow were piled up, and his nebulizer was there on the floor and his meds were scattered. I am so hurt that I wasn't there on time and we had so much plans together and I had so many plans for him and to make up to him for his sacrifices and being the greatest dad to us but it's all in vain now. My Papa is gone and I don't know what to do anymore.

Aug 30, 2013
I love you Papa
by: silver

Dear Belle,I so understand where you are.My father died Dec 2009 after a battle with cancer for many years.I too felt so guilty for not spending more time with him,especially since he lived only 22 miles from me.I still feel that way occasionally. It has taken me this long to realize that I shouldn't feel this way.I worked full time.My husband was still alive then but was beginning to show problems with his emphysema(lung problems).I spent my days off with him mostly.I have asthma and my youngest sister died from an asthma attack,so I know how devastating that can be.We all wish we could spend just one more day,or even an hour with those we love.What is more important is that he knew you loved him before he left this earth.He also believed in GOD and you know where he is and that you will see him again.That is what I hang onto.I have to have that faith that GOD takes care of them and we will be re-united with them again one day.My prayers go out to you.GOD send you strength to go on and peace.I send you hugs from someone who has been there.
P.S. My father was military and we lived in Manila,just outside Quezon City,for 3 1/2 years.I graduated high school at Sangley Navel Point.It was so beautiful there.I wish I could see the beauty of the ocean,Manila Bay,Pagsanhan Falls,Coregidor,Baguio,and other sites again.There are some good memories there.Take care of yourself.

Aug 22, 2013
I love you Papa
by: Doreen U.K.

Belle I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. A parent's job is to rear their children to go off into the world and live their own lives. This is what you did. You were meant to go back home so that you could be with your family. Sadly you did not get to see your father but I am sure you must have maintained family contact from being overseas.
We all live with REGRETS of things we wish we had done differently and better. But this is part of life. Life takes us all off in different directions. Those left behind will just get on with the job of caring. Those not able to do this should not feel guilty. Your father would have understood how much you loved and cared for him. The older generations have a different attitude and resigned to living a different way when the children are gone. This is part of life. Parent's want their children to be happy and successful and this makes them happy. Your father you said read the Bible. This alone would bring him comfort and strength in his lonely moments. Know that he is saved and you will see him again when Jesus comes back to this earth as he promised in the Bible. Hold on to this thought and it will comfort you throughout life. Your father's troubles are over. Don't add to yours. Your father feels nothing now and safely in the arms of God. Just live your life with Faith and Belief in God and HOPE for the day you will be reunited with your father and loved ones.

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