I loved "The Notebook" but what I got was just a note.

by Lrox
(california)

I have been married for 12 years. Not the perfect marriage but I was grateful to have a husband who provided, a community to belong and a cute house to keep.

My husband lost his mother and job within a two year span, I left a job due to health issues and both my husband and I came thru the other side with new jobs and our family in tact. I felt like we could get thru anything..We were tough and committed..or so I thought............

Shortly after, I came home late one night after a long day at work to a dark house : so out of character..I thought someone was sick and maybe at the hospital..I went from room to room looking for my husband as he was usually home at night.

I flipped on the light in our bedroom and saw a little envelope with my name on it: I opened it and it was a three sentence typed letter explaining that my husband left. It was not in his verbiage: so I knew someone else wrote it.

He moved out of our house straight into another warm bed of another woman.

The bottom fell out. I was never saw this coming..I created my life story about who-my husband was based on who I was and am. I saw him as a man of character and integrity.

I am faced with the reality that he was never that man. I was looking at him through my filter based on how I would treat him..

So now I am grieving a fictional character: someone who would never cheat ; lie or leave a spouse in that cowardly manner. Its painful : its my reality.

Comments for I loved "The Notebook" but what I got was just a note.

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Jan 31, 2013
I totally get it
by: Anonymous

I am in the same part of the ocean with you! My husband told me in June he was unhappy and wanted to go to therapy. IN the 2nd session he asked for a divorce. I slowly began to rebuild my life he swore all along there was no one else. We went through the divorce process and then he began trying to woe me back. My "husband" the fictional character was back. I thought OH he just went through something and now he is back. Then after a blissful 24 days he advised me there was someone else, he loved her and they only reason he came back was because she left him. It is all a mess and so complicated. UGH. So I get it. I totally do. Prayers to you.

Sep 05, 2012
I loved "The Notebook" but what I got was just a note
by: Doreen U.K

Lrox, I am sorry for the loss of your marriage. It is a reality that we never really know a person as well as we thought we did. A lot of marriages are suffering the same way. Hearts and lives are fractured forever. We feel secure for a while and content that what we have will last forever. I had so many people try to break up my marriage. Never content to see us happy. One day my husband also planned to leave but my broken heart caused him to stay. We just soldiered on and looked forward. My husband was so busy with his job working away from home a lot and he always had temptations around to stray. I just got on with the job of being a mother. I was looking forward to a future with my husband retiring. But he was diagnosed with cancer over 3yrs. ago and died 4 months ago. We were married for 44yrs. Life is very painfull when you lose someone whether in death or divorce. We are left alone with our misery and emptiness. I am happy that I am free of this worry of wondering if someone would come and take my husband away. My husband always kept my photo in his wallet. It was never taken out. Life is full of pain and tragedy. I often wonder how we go on and live when we lose everything in life that we hoped for. All our dreams gone. There are no words that can help you where you are with a broken heart. All your hopes and dreams shattered. I was once at this crossroads and so fully know how painfull this is for you. No one should have to live with this insecurity. It is a wife's worst nightmare.
You speak with some strength of spirit. I hope this will carry you through the rough days ahead and that you will get your life back and that you will find genuine love again.

Sep 04, 2012
Notebook
by: jennifer

Hi Lrox,

I was so sad when I read your post. What a dreadful thing to happen to you. I can certainly understand your devastation.

How are you doing now? Are your friends/other family helping you? You need to share your feeling now more than at any other time. Don't bottle them up, they'll only hit you later - and than can be a double whammy.

I'm sure that you feel, at least for now, that you will never trust again. You will, but it won't be easy getting there. Just try to keep going, one foot at a time. I'll be keeping pace with you, have lost my husband, too. Not through the same sad circumstances as you, but through a stroke, which has taken him to a long term care home, from which he will never return.

I can't lie to you about the pain you're going through. It's horrendous. I'm told it does get better. You will start having days where, while you may not want to get out of bed, you will realize that it is at least possible. Just take it from there. People will offer all kinds of helpful or not suggestions, I don't really have any. The two things that are helping me through are friends and chocolate. Couldn't make it without either. You'll find your own balm, and don't let anyone tell you it's not good for you. Anything that dulls the pain, even momentarily, HAS to be good for you.

Take care of yourself.

jennifer

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