I miss her and it hurts too much!

by Courtney

My Mom died on May 11th 2012. She was 68. I miss her so much and I have been crying a lot lately. I just want her to come back. Most days I wish I could go to heaven to see her. I feel like I wanted more time. Just more time. People can be so callous when it comes to your grief and that makes it hurt so much worse and then you feel like you just don't want to talk to any body. She ended up with bone cancer that broke her whole body into pieces. But she was graceful and funny and beautiful right up until the end. I feel like each day my shock wears off a little more and the pain gets worse instead of better. I guess it takes time or so I have been told. Please pray for me because although I know it's not true, I feel so all alone. Thank you!

Comments for I miss her and it hurts too much!

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Apr 21, 2013
memories live on
by: Anonymous

2003 and I still miss her. Life goes on but there will always be a hole in my life. You will learn to live, learn to hold on to memories but you will never forget.

Aug 09, 2012
Mummys my angel
by: Lilly

My mum died jan 26th 2012 at age 52.. She died sudden of heart failure she wasnt sick or anything!! She jus fell asleep an never woke up..reading these comments are comforting knowing I'm not goin threw this overwhelming pain alone.. I woudnt wish anyone to loose there mum and if I had a magic wand we would all have our mums bak ! The pain gets worse an worse I now suffer panic attacks and the pain hurts more as days and months go on time jus flys by life goes so fast now too fast .. I would love to be with her again she was an amazing mum she never stopped babying me! They say time heals but I think time only wares away the shock which makes the pain much more real ! I can't ever see me getting over her or ever feeling any better if I diddnt have my baby's I would go and be with her forever

Aug 03, 2012
Thanks for your words, Paula
by: Janine

Thank you Paula for taking the time to post your words. It does seem that our experiences are similar.

I feel so alone right now. I just don't know what to do. The only thing I want is the one thing I can't have - and of course that is to have my mother back here with me alive and well.

Maybe because it is still quite fresh at the moment, I can't remember or think about any good times that we shared. All I am able to think about is how much I miss her and the final moments we shared.

I understand my life goes on and that's partly the problem, I don't want it to. I just want to be with my mother again.

Aug 01, 2012
I Do Understand, Janine
by: Paula

It seems like you and I have experienced the very same thing, Janine. My mom passed away in 2007 and it was only she and I from the time my dad passed away in 1985. She lived with me and was my very best friend. I too feel very lost and alone sometimes. I do understand exactly how you feel, but your mom will always be with you as long as you keep her in your heart. I can tell you that it won't stop hurting and as time passes it will hurt a little less. Remember the good times and the memories you have will help you to keep going forward. Your life goes on and your mom wouldn't want you to stop living it. She loves you and you'll see her again someday.

Aug 01, 2012
I understand.
by: Janine

I felt I wanted to write to you to say that I understand exactly what you are going through. What you wrote, the words you used, for me reading those, it was as if I could have written them.

My mother passed away on 7th June 2012. She was 73. It was only my mother and me for nearly 10 years since my father died. We were more than just mother and daughter. We were best friends. I feel so lost without her. I am not married and I do not have any children. I have always lived at home and that is the only place I feel comfortable.

People tell me they understand what I am going through, but I know they don't. No one can understand how lonely and empty I feel. I just want to see my mother again. I want her to come back. I don't want to live without her.

I can't say I have any words of comfort for you as I am struggling to cope with my own grief. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. x

Jul 15, 2012
The same
by: Kristy Keaton Dennis

Hi my mom was 68 also her funeral is tomorrow. I am so very sad

I feel no comfort from anyone i wrote this for my mom

She had congestive heart failure

It is so hard to say goodbye
My email is kristy_keaton@hotmail.com

Mommy, it hurts so much to think of what you suffered through.
I wish I could have done more for you,
I ache inside for the pain you have endured,
I want to go back and give you a better life
To plant a beautiful garden together and walk with your hand in mine
I want you back to show you how much you mean to me
I want us to sit for hours and sip our tea
I am so sorry I didn’t give you more of my time and my love,
I know I should feel comfort knowing you are up above
But I haven’t gotten to that place
All I have is an ache to see your beautiful face.
I am thankful for the time we spent together before you passed
I just didn’t want it to be our last
I never got to say goodbye,
To understand why, I can but try
Kristy Kay

Jul 14, 2012
I miss her and it hurts too much!
by: Doreen U.K.

Courtney, I am sorry for the loss of your mother. The first stage of grief is numbness. When this wears off you will then start to feel the pain. like you say it feels worse now. This is the raw pain of grief. I am in this also. Deep crying from my soul that says I can't bear this anymore. I want this grief to be over. If it gets too bad Courtney then go and see a grief counsellor. People who don't know what to say will undoubtedly say the wrong thing and make us feel worse. These are the people it is hard to have a conversation with. AVOID THEM. Till you are in a healthier place with grief. Often people who don't know what grief is like will think it is time we should be over it. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. There is no time limit to grief. If some people can recover from grief quickly. They either didn't love as deeply as those who grieve deeply. Or their relationship with the one lost will not have been a close relationship and often they will just go through the motions of grief. Courtney surround yourself with family and friends who can support you. It is a lonely place if you are on your own. It does help having someone with you and who will allow you to be yourself. I used to get phonecalls every day. Now it is every 2 or 3 days. I am dreading it when they stop altogether. Everyone seems to be getting on with life and enyoying this. We are stuck with sorrow. Don't know how long this will last. Everyone on this website has a right to express how they feel and express their pain without feeling they are having a "Pity Party" There is no PITY in THIS GRIEF. It is pure SORROW. It makes us feel hopeless and helpless. Because the healing from this loss is S L O W .
Courtney I hope the days ahead will be less painfull for you as you soak up the support from this website. Get supportive people around you. Get grief counselling if you need it. and the take one day at a time. You will RECOVER. In time. But don't put a time limit on it. You will know when you are feeling less Grief. Best wishes.

Jul 14, 2012
Missing mom
by: Patricia

Lost my mom on April 4th 2012.. My friend sent me to this site and wow some people I can talk too... I too am overwhelmed with my sadness!! My mom was my best friend my life line and truly feel like am sinking.... I do feel alone and yes friends who have never lost someone don't know what to say.. Sorry for your loss and I feel your pain!!

Jul 14, 2012
She is watching over you.
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your grief. I lost my wife on March and the tears just recently started to subside. It comes on mostly when I am alone which is a lot. They say the price of love is grief. Many people do not experience this type of love. You lost your mom to illness and it seems unfair but hold on to the love. When the pain is gone you will have that love. I feel my wife is watching over me because after she passed my business took off. People tell me she is shining her light on me So just remember when good things come to you it is your mom shining her love on you God bless you.

Jul 13, 2012
I will keep Mom in my heart always
by: Paula

I lost my mom on November 12th 2007 and she was 68 years old. Even though it's been almost five years I still miss her and think about her every day. Since she was living with me at the time she died it was very hard to come home in the evening from work and not have her here and it's still hard to get going during the day sometimes. I take comfort in knowing that she will always be with me as long as I keep her in my heart and I know that I'll see her again someday.

Jul 13, 2012
Dear Courtney
by: Jo

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. My darling husband passed away on the same day 11 May. Each day is just as hard as the previous day right now. I know they say time is a great healer but it feels like the pain will never go away. They can send men to the moon but they can't cure cancer. My darling had brain cancer. Please know Courtney that I share your grief and am praying for you. Take care of yourself, your mother would want you to.

Jul 13, 2012
thinking of you
by: Jillian

I lost my mum too (May 22nd 2012) so I can truly feel your pain Courtney.
Dont listen to other people. A lot of them do not know what to say, so either keep quiet or say insensitive things. That is why this web site is so good.
I am just doing small tasks every day (and consider them a victory).
Please take care of your health. I was in the hospital recently because of the shock and upset. The doctor said bereavment definitely affects the immune system so please try and eat a little regularly.
We have lost our best friends. I try not to focus on my mum's suffering but on her wonderful achievment of being a wonderful role model.
I do wish you well. Jillian.

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