I Miss Her Soooo Much

by Cheria

My best friend, heart beat, greatest part of my life slipped away from me Aug. 28th 2011 after two hospital stays with complications from sarcoidosis. She was such a wonderful, sweet, loving, caring, mom who loved me so much. She was a single parent and I am a only child.
I miss dinner conversations, I miss calling her during the day to tell her something, I miss just knowing someone is here for me. It's the small things I miss the most. My family was so intent on making the holidays well for me but they don't understand it is the longing for the simple quiet moments with her I struggle with. I feel so alone many days. Some days with people around I still feel so alone. We did not expect her to die.
Everyday the moment of the doctor coming out to tell us she had passed plays in my mind. I just want a moment more to kiss her. The last day she was able to talk and understand she was more concerned about my well being than her own. She insisted I talk to "the ladies" in the hall at the hospital two days before she passed. At the time I did not know they were the hospice nurses and counselors. They tried to prepare me but as I think back I did not process what they were attempting to do for me. I expected to take my mother to rehad then home again. I did not expect to say goodbye. It hurts me to the core to realize now my mom knew she was leaving and still just needed for me to be okay.
She made my life just a wonderful life to have. She had such a wonderful spirit that touched so many. After she passed I received condolences form hundreds of people who cried and shared stories of the sweet spirit they shared with me. I do feel blessed to have her as my mother but just to have her a little long is all I long for everyday.

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