I Miss Her Voice...

by Vickie
(Calif.)

I have only been here at this site for about a week and in this very short time, I have found much comfort. I wish we were all here for better reasons..but we aren't. My heart is full of things I want to say and share. Right now I have the regular things we still have to do-laundry, dishes, so I will just keep it short for now.

I am heading into my third yr. without my beautiful girl, Alicia. I, like all of you think of her all the time.
She is my first thought as I wake in the morning and my last as I go to sleep. I have so many memories of the past and I try and focus on the good ones. I realized that I can't remember her voice like I use to. I know as a mother you never ever really forget, but time has caused it to fade. I do have home dvds of her, but I am afraid to watch. I am fearful it will be too much and I am not willing to do that yet. Hopefully one day..not now.

Good night to all of you. I hope when the night or darkness creeps in, you will come here and find some comfort. God Bless You All. Vickie (Hope Survives)

Comments for I Miss Her Voice...

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Nov 07, 2011
Lori's mom
by: Anonymous

That was a beautiful response. This will be the second Holiday's without my beautiful daughter and all the loss seems to be stirring up again. She passed in May 2010. Sometime it never seems to get easier. I know her spirit is with me, but it doesn't always make it easier. Love and peace to all.

Nov 05, 2011
A message for Vickie from California
by: Angels Laird

I think we would all out here firstly like to send you some love and lite at this difficult time for you. I'm personally sending you masses of green sparkly light right into your heart. Your post was full of love - you are clearly an extraordinary woman.

You clearly have a loving heart and had a very strong bond with your daughter, and that is eternal. Some wise bods believe that we are an soul, merely inhabiting a body.

The soul connection we have with other souls is therefore eternal and transcends the physical body. I believe this. I believe that when I meet someone who I feel I have met before, or they me, then perhaps I knew them on a soul level previously perhaps? We are all connected on a soul level I belive. Your daughters soul and heart is with you. Remember how bonded you felt to her the first time yoiu looked into her eyes? That was the soul connection being made.

Its not enough, it will never be enough.I know that. But that is the reality and you have to face that head on.You sound like you are ready to do that, because part of you is yearning to hear her voice. Although you aren't quite ready yet.
The fear is that you may not be able to stand the pain of seeing your beautiful girl on screen. And that is what facing it head on is doing. Facing the situation realistically and logically. You have to face up to that fear and accept that it is going to be painful. But that energy needs to be released now. Some part of you needs to hear her voice, and therefore listen to your 6th sense and do as you are told. There could be information or a comforting sign within those films ? Have you thought of that?
Her love for you will be shining out and that will help you realise that love didn't die. It never dies, its eternal. Be brave angel and trust that all the angels and all that love with prevail to protect you from the most painful moment when you first see her on screen
You don't know realistically how you are going to react. It won't be as bad as you think and if it is, well you have to take it on the chin. Its a normal reaction after what you have been through . You need to release it all now and once you have done that and received comfort from the film, I promise you will feel better.
She wants you to find peace and make peace with what's happened. Because she knows she can't change that.
I'm grieving at the moment as well and find listening to music really helps and distracts me. You need to find ways of not thinking about her for a bit, if you are finding your thoughts are with her all the time. Give your brain and your heart a break. I taught myself to dance - which seemed ridiculous in the circumstance I found myself in, but it worked. English pop I reckon (being from liverpool lol) anything to give you a lift or a bit of joy is your immediate mission ! You are a lovely woman and a wonderful mother and I know that you will bring many people comfort in the future.

Sending lots of love and lite to you Vickie x

Nov 03, 2011
another Cali mom
by: Anonymous

Hi Vickie...I'm Shirley, also from California. I am 15 months into the loss of my sweet beloved son Dimitri. He died 8/9/10 at the age of 23 years and 27 days after a two year struggle with illness (leukemia). I'm so so so sad all the time. I hate my life and how I feel. I hate this grief. I hate that he is dead and I'm alive. He had so much to live for. He was such a great kid. Never gave me a problem. He was coaching youth basketball, going to college, had a girlfriend and was enjoying the heck out of life when he suddenly woke up so so sick. I spent two years in a tug of war with God. I held on as tight as I could. I did everything I could think of and more to save his life but in the end I held him as he died. I'm still in shock and don't know how I've managed to get through each day. Thank God for The Compassionate Friends because they have helped me tremendously. I am searching for hope and maybe I will find it. One step, one breath....

Nov 03, 2011
Her voice
by: M Mack

Vickie,

I hear ya about how time leaves and some things go with it. My mom passed away 14 years ago and I don't remember her voice. I see her in my mind like yesterday and sometimes I forget how she moved when walking in the door from work,, cooking, grocery shopping and many things that were day to day. The only thing I know I remember relating to her actions is how she smiled, or relaxed when we all sat around talking. I wonder if that means the stress is gone- no laundry, cooking, cleaning. I lost my spouse 14 months ago and even his voice is starting to fade.

We love deeply and when we loose our live, the adjustment is slow. That past life is gone and becomes the story you love yet can't have. We miss the departed and always will.

This site has helped me in many ways and the people here are genuine caring and understanding. They never judge and are always here to listen. Keep writing and let it help you. My best to you Vicki and I'll keep you in my prayers for light and love.

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