I miss him so much!!!
I can't stand the thought of the upcoming holiday. My husband...the love of my life...has been gone almost 8 months now...some days are ok but then there are the harder ones where I feel like the day and the night will never end...this is one of them...the nights are the worst...he loved Thanksgiving the most of all. He loved the holidays. He had the choice at work to take either Thanksgiving or Christmas off and he always chose Thanksgiving. We would fix the food together and around 2 am we would put the turkey in the oven on low. When we woke up in the morning it would be to the wonderful smell of freshly roasted turkey. The last couple of years before he died I had stopped cooking because the children were grown and off on their own and he had become vegetarian. Despite this, we went to one of the children's homes for the day and enjoyed ourselves. He was very sick the last two years of his life and when he died in March he was in terrible pain and the quality of his life had deteriorated so much. Despite this and the fact that I knew he was terminal, I was still in such denial that he was actually going to die and leave me here. It was so hard taking care of him those last few months and watching him slowly die, yet when he did die I felt such pain I couldn't even breathe. I really cannot stand the thought of the upcoming holidays! I have been invited to friends and family's homes for dinner but really don't want to go..don't know what to do right now. Thanks for listening!