I miss him

by Jenna

My papa passed away 4 months ago and in my family I'm not the favorite but my papa always toke me and said I was his favorite I was extremely close to my papa but3 years ago he got really sick and he passed away 3 times but they brought him back to life every time when they sent him back home from the nursing home for the 100th time he was extremely sick but my Mimi was going to take care of him papa barley ever moved or talked and it wasn't like him when he was sick you could never make him sit down but when he was sick he barely woke up and when he did he just said a few sentences so I left my Mimi's and papas house one day and didn't go back for three days no thinking anything would happen but that night I had a dream about my papa and that night he went to sleep and never woke up my mom ran into my room and yelled PAPA PASSED AWAY I was shocked we rode down to there house and there was my Mimi on the phone with the people that picks up people to bring them to the funeral home and papa was in his bed in the bedroom I didn't go in there till my sister got to the house then we went in there together he looked like he was just sleeping and in peace but you could tell he was not there and already went to heaven and what bothers me SOO much is I don't know if I said I love you the last time I saw him I'm terrified if I didn't I just want to know that he knows I miss him and love him and hope he's proud of me that night I seen him you can say and it's weird but I'm really sad that he hasn't visited me in my dreams I don't want to sound selfish but I just want to see him in my dreams and just tell him is miss him and love him one more time

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Mar 16, 2014
I miss him
by: Doreen UK

Jenna I am sorry for your loss of your Papa. Grief is such that it suddenly makes us focus on what we didn't do or say and we feel assaulted by these memories. They should pass soon, but if they don't it may help you speaking to your mom or another adult who is skilled and help you to move forward. Thoughts will come but they also pass. It is what we do with them that affects us. CHOOSE to think of the good things you did do and say and even if you never visited him often. FORGIVE yourself. Life is such, that we get caught up in the daily grind and we don't often do the things we want to do.
Your Papa would have known you loved him. Us Older people have a way of knowing this. It comes with MATURITY. Often we can say we love someone and they may not believe it because they don't feel worthy of our love. This is also a factor to take into consideration. Actions speak louder than words and it is often the little things we do or say that will last longer and leave a deeper impression. FOCUS on the positive things and build up your life this way otherwise we can be assaulted forever by our thoughts that just bring us down. Spend time building yourself up.

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