I Miss my dad every day

by Shirley
(Durban, South Africa)

My dad passed away on Aug 17th after suffering from cancer. He had a rare form of cancer and there was nothing they could do for him. He was my rock, the person I knew I could always count on. He never judged, he allowed me to make my own mistakes and picked up the pieces.
I watched him suffer and nursed him to the end. It was very hard to see him weak and unable to do the simple things like drink water. The day he passed away, he was very weak and struggling to breathe. We called an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He didn't really know what was going on. I believe he knew he was going to die.

At the hospital he didn't want us to touch him, and it was as if he was pushing us away. He didn't want us (my brother and sister) to see him like that. Once the morphine kicked in, he settled and was breathing a little easier.

We decided to all go outside for 5 minutes to get some fresh air. This is when my dad passed away. He looked so peaeful and rested. I know he is in a better place where he is not suffering and he is happy. It is so hard not having him around. I cry everyday for him.

Thank you for this website, to be able to read other stories and know someone out there understands your pain and loss.

Comments for I Miss my dad every day

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Oct 27, 2013
I lost my father too..
by: Joanna Owle

After reading your story i was amazed at how much we have in common , my father also had a rare form of cancer ( squamous cell carcinoma of the rectum). He was diagnosed in July of 2013, and passed on October 15, 2013. He fought till the very end. And just like you , i also took care of my father during his final months. It changes you, it really does having to see someone you love so much suffer. I sympathize with you from the bottom of my heart , and feel free to contact me .....

Sep 18, 2012
I am so sorry
by: Munch

It breaks my heart that you had to watch your father pass slowly. It's hard regardless of what happens. I am coming up on the 2nd anniversary and it still hurts. There is this longing to be "over it," because I don't want to hurt any longer.... But also a fear that I will never truly be "over it."
I lost my father suddenly. He was great one moment and literally the next he was gone. It doesn't matter if it's a long process or it's sudden, it hurts. I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry you went through what you did.

Sep 10, 2012
I miss my dad every day
by: silver

How true that is. My dad died almost 3 yrs ago on Dec 4,2009.It doesn't seem as though it's been that long. Since momma followed him 7 months later the house is sold,a lot of the things gone.The 4 of us living children (one died in 2001 and my older brother lives in a group home for mentally retarded adults)shared some of the household items.Some was sold,pictures kept.I still see him sitting in his chair in the family room sleeping or watching golf.He also had cancer,but with a good dr and his scientific mind,he lived 13 yrs.I think he hurt more than he would let on.I also think that he knew he was on his last days when he went to the hospital. I miss his humor,and his seriousness. I miss other things.The one thing I don't miss is that he found GOD before he died. Although I loved him we were not close until a few months before he died.I will never miss that.The bad news is the grief never goes away.The good news is that it does get easier.I know he is in HEAVEN and I will get to see him and joke with him again one day.GOD BLESS you and help you with your pain

Sep 07, 2012
I Miss my dad every day
by: Doreen U.K.

Shirley I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. I Lost my Husband 4 months ago from a rare and serious cancer caused by working with asbestos. My husband suffered just over 3 yrs. He died slowly with a very bad quality of life for the whole of the 3yrs. I was his caregiver and nursed him the whole time and it was very painfull to watch the one I loved for over 47yrs. die a slow death. I had to give him daily body massages to soothe his body. and other times he didn't want to be touched. I miss touching his body and massaging his feet and hands and his back. I washed him and miss touching his face with the flannel as I bathed him. The grief journey is so very painfull. I had a bad day today, and couldn't understand the deathy atmosphere as if I were somewhere else in a foreign place and had no one. I cried and slept and cried some more. It was when I phoned my younger sister that I found out that our nephew from our youngest sister was crying her eyes out over the 5yr. anniversary of her son of 30yrs. who threw himself under an express train. I couldn't understand my very difficult feelings. Now I know. If I didn't have my 3 very supportive sisters and the husbands of 2 of them I would not be able to go on. The reality of Steve's death is now sinking in and I just needed to talk to him today. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to make him a cup of tea as he used to come in from the garage. God is the only one who knows what we are going through and why DEATH hurts so much. Our loss is not something we dwell on. IT IS JUST THERE. The pain follows us wherever we go. We can't escape this pain and sorrow. Shirley we can only recover moment by moment one day at a time. Otherwise our grief would swallow us up. But I still don't look forward to each new day. It is still a struggle. I hope that you will be able to move forward from losing your dad and you will feel this healing coming your way each day thll you can move forward.

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