I Miss My Dad

by laura pastecki
(oakfield, ny)

My dad died a year ago tomorrow. The grief hit me like a ton of bricks today. I watched him in the hospital for almost three months...two in the SICU. We had to make the decision to take him off the ventilator. When we did he passed in about twenty minutes.

I held his hand as he died and stroked his head and kept telling him how much we all loved him. It was heart wrenching. But he was suffering and we knew it was time to let him go. But it didn't make it any easier. I miss him so much my heart hurts. I was lucky to have had him for 49 years of my life. He was an amazing man. He will always be in my heart.

Comments for I Miss My Dad

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 24, 2014
My Father
by: Anonymous

Angelou writes about how we feel when the great trees fall. The passing of my father felt something like that -- like something with height and depth had laid low and everything was less substantive. My dad died a year ago this coming Oct. 7th. I miss him every day. I light a candle in the evenings for all the nights he was in the ICU, which I think helps me feel more grounded.

He was my tree as an adult. We spoke every day as I drove to work. We laughed so much over the years together, and we perused world events. He was a fascinating man; a man with faults, but in the long view who cares -- I have my own faults. Becoming an adult makes us less willing to judge, at least this is my experience.

I held his hand as he left and whispered that I loved him, and that "you are about to go on a tremendous journey." He left within 10 minutes. There is no real closure now. Time stretches out, and me with it, but a part of me is left somewhere back there, irretrievable. Maybe that is best. I can't imagine taking all of me into the future after devastating loss. Maybe we have to leave a part of ourselves in the past to remind us that living in the present has a peculiar kind of price. I wouldn't have traded anything. I love my dad.

Aug 22, 2014
Not the same
by: Stacey

I lost my dad on August 5 at 12:25 PM. 2014. He had promised me that he would wait for me to get back from Italy. He died 4 days into our trip and I was devastated. I felt so guilty not being there for him and to support my poor mom. The hospice dr assured me he would be ok -- at least another month- and dad really wanted me to go. So I did. I think I'll regret that decision the rest of my life.

He has sent me signs since he passed. The best one was after I was at his gravesite talking to him for a long time- I started sobbing as I walked to my car. Another car pulled in behind mine and an elderly man got out and came up to me and hugged me. He asked who I lost and I said I had just lost my father. (He had lost his wife). We ended up talking for 45 minutes. I really think he was an angel who dad sent to give me a hug for him. Because I really wanted a hug from my dad.

I can not imagine going the rest of my life without my dad in my life. His death has made me more faithful and I am praying way more than I used to.

To everyone who has lost someone- my heart goes out to you all.

Aug 15, 2014
I Will Always Miss You
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for all the stress I caused when I was a kid, all the terrible things I said. I meant none of it, and wish I could go back and do it all over with a better understanding of you.

You did your very best, and it was better than most. I see now how grateful I should have been then, and how strong you were. And I do remember all you did. I'm so happy that we became closer after my teens. You were a good man, and more loved than you ever knew.

I will always miss you, dad. I hope you feel no pain, only the happiness you deserved in life.

Aug 09, 2014
I Miss My Dad
by: Camille

I found my Dad dead in his apartment just last Sunday, and while he was an older man and I a middle aged woman I can't seem to feel happy. I am so depressed it's overwhelming. I want to call him. I want him to yell at me. I just want to feel anything but what I'm feeling right now.

Aug 06, 2014
Losing Dad to Cancer
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad to a deadly disease -Multiple Myeloma- a hematological cancer. He bravely fought the disease for 5 years but became weak with every passing day. He weaned li'l by li'l but I was not able to see the inevitable. I believed he would be fine and would be out of hospital soon. I watched him lie on the hospital bed for days- without any improvement, but still kept my hopes high. He lost apetitite, lost energy to speak and wanted to sleep all day. One fine evening, he got a seizure and never recovered from it. He was taken to CCU and doctors said he won't be back. I don't know how to console my mom. I am so guilty that within less than a month of his passing away, I have moved on with my life and I am enjoying my life just like before with my husband and kid. What a cruel and selfish daughter I am.

Jul 28, 2014
One week ago
by: Anonymous

My dad died a week ago and I am still so sad and can't believe he's gone. I'm still beating myself up for putting him into a rehab hospital for wound care, during which he got a uti and went downhill fast. Was having trouble swallowing and lost a lot of weight. If I had cared for him at home I could have given him a lot of personal attention. I was not working and had time to care for him but thought rehab hosp would be good for him, besides it was convenient for me for the two weeks he was there. I'm so sorry I was selfish.

Jul 11, 2014
I miss Dad so much
by: Anonymous

Dear Dad,

I miss you so much. I wish I could see you one more time. I feel so bad for mom...she misses you too. I hated watching you suffer from cancer and I hated even thinking of how they took care of you at that stupid nursing home. It has only been a year and a half and it still hurts. I know you are in heaven and you lived a great life to the good age of 83 years old. I miss you dad and love you and think about you every day dad. Please watch over our family. To others who have lost your dad may God's strenght be with you.


Jun 09, 2014
Dad
by: Amber

Dad. Wow I feel like I haven't said that word in forever, I'm almost afraid to just because of how much I miss you. You have been gone for 13 years and I feel like it just gets harder. You didn't see me graduate, you won't be there to walk me down the aisle, have a father daughter dance, be there when I have kids or even be called Pop. When I look at pictures I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. I hate it so much. Just know no matter what I'll never stop missing or loving you. Please continue to watch over us.

Jun 09, 2014
I miss my Dad
by: Gerardo

I was with my dad when he passed on, me and my mom tried our best to revive him, after he just collapsed on his bed, when paramedics arrived eventually after 42min, they took over, still trying to revive my dad, after 10min, they told us it don't look like he would make it, but I asked them to keep on trying to save his life, I went with the ambulance to the hospital that early hours of the morning, as we got onto the premises, the doctor at the hospital confirmed that my dad passed on on his way to the hospital, I stood outside the ambulance to wait till my mom and uncles and aunts arrived, I had to give my mom the sad news, we both cried alongside my dad's body, she asking why he had to leave her so soon, as I'm writing this God knows my pain, my tears, because a huge part of my life went when my dad passed on, I know God saw his pain and needed to ease his suffering, but the pain in our hearts is still sore, but I know my dad can look down on us and say, THANK YOU for trying to save me, but I'm with GOD our creator and its peaceful and loving there, and until we all meet again we will see God's love personalty. God I love All my loved ones, special U! God Bless and thank you for giving me such a perfect Dad, I am still proud of his character and willingness to work and raise us as his children although he had a tough life himself as a person. I know my Dad passed his life's test with flying colors. May God Bless and keep you , till we meet again. Thank you Dad!

May 29, 2014
@ Dianne
by: Anonymous

I obsessively search among those grieving, hoping to find someone who may have lost a loved one due to human error, because that's how I lost my father. My dad was in the hospital for pain in his feet due to diabetes and passed away from complications of aspirating on his food. He was supposed to be on a soft diet, they served him chicken. He suffered multiple strokes and a cardiac arrest as a result and spent 2 weeks in ICU. None of us were with him when he choked.I blame myself for that and for even talking him into being admitted. He told me many times that he just wanted to be treated on an outpatient basis. I thought I knew better. And now I've lost him forever. He fought through and overcame the ICU stint. He was to be discharged the the day we got a call from the hospital saying that they found him unresponsive on his bed. Once again he was ALONE. He was my BEST friend, my guide, my everything. I know how you feel. Though it's been a year now, it feels like yesterday. There's nothing anyone can ever do or say that'll ease your pain. I just want you to know that you are not alone. With the passage of time and by sharing in the pain (in words and action) of those around us, we can move forward.

May 23, 2014
I miss you
by: Kiran raj

I lost my dad on 6th june 2011 and life has never been the safe for me. I feel like there has been an empty space created inside me. Its been 3 years now and I still miss him very much in every walk of mine. He had been a great support in every thing I did but I put him down every time. Only after he has gone I have taken up the responsibilty to lead the family. Dad wherever you are I promise to live up to your dreams, take care of mom and brother and live a better life. I know you will always watch over me. I miss you

Apr 24, 2014
Regret
by: Anonymous

Hey Dad, I'm sorry.....I promised to take you home from hospice....but you went to sleep that night and didn't wake up anymore....I waited for 2 days and nights but I guess it was time, you were in so much pain.....but I don't care, I'm being selfish, I wish you woke up so I could've taking you home one last time...., I don't know why it seems so many families like that....I will never do that for mom.....I'm sorry dad , I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise....please visit me in my dreams....

Dec 04, 2013
1 year later
by: Pioneer

My dad passed away on Dec 15, 2012. There was a email fight at work causing me to be late for his memorial today at the extended care he lived in, the memorial was for all the people who had passed in 2012 at the care centre. I have noticed I am edgy and not sleeping like I should. My temper is flaring and I am agitated. I miss my dad and it will be one year on Dec. 15. Lord help me get through it please. Let him rest in peace and let me heal. Thanks.

Nov 13, 2013
Miss you dad...
by: Katerina.2046

Dear Dad, I love you so much from the bottoms of my heart..you were the MOST perfect dad in the world, I hope you knew how much I loved you..I remember laughing and talking about so many things, even for your death. You always told me to stay strong and to hope, never lose my faith..I am trying to do this, but I miss you so much, the pain is overwhelming. I miss my childhood. I miss you and my brother who is abroad. I wish. I could talk to you again, I wish I could touch you, touch your hair, baby I love you soon much. At about 2 weeks, it will be. One year since you gone. Nothing is the same here, hope to see you again..I think about you every day, my world is not the same, it has hit me so hard. You were so wise, I have not a single bad memory from you.
I am waiting to see you again, wait for me to the other side.
Miss you katerina

Aug 27, 2013
Dad
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad aug 28th 2011. There is not a day that goes by that I don think of him. His death was unexpected which I think makes it worse. I love you daddy, I hope I get to see you again.

Aug 22, 2013
my life will never be the same
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad May 27 of this year. I miss him soo much and still cry everyday for him. we were tight, he was there for me and I for him. We talked/saw each other almost everyday. I used to visit him after work. School starts up next week and i am dreading the reality of not stopping by his apartment anymore. He was 61. He suffered from peripheral vascular disease and was in such poor health with mild emphysmema, malnutrition from 1st bypass killing his tastebuds etc. I remember taking him to er so often bc his pain from nerve damage and lg wounds was unbearable. The 2nd other leg bypass was supposed to improve his health and all it did was shorten his life bc he acquired so many infections at the hospital including lung failure and acute respiratory distress syndrome which sent his system into shock and kidney failure and then when the dr's thought he might make it, he acquired fungal endocarditis (heart infection) and his body was trying to die. On May 27 after talking with dr's and hospice team and chaplain, we decided to let him go. The dr's discontinued his life support and he died within moments. I held his hand all the time.
I will forever miss him.

Jun 27, 2013
The Best Man I Ever Knew
by: Pam

My Dad passed away on October 20th of last year. He was 88 years old. Even though I was blessed to have had him for 62 years, the pain is not lessened. I called him every day at 7:00 p.m. His first words when he came to the phone were always "Well, baby is it cold/hot enough for you?" We talked about the weather so much that I began to think of him as the weather man. We lived about a 100 miles away from each other and the phone calls kept us close. I have the supreme joy of knowing he is with God now and is longer in any pain. Best of all, I have sure and certain knowledge that I will see him again and have joy that no one can ever take from me. If you are a believer, that is God's promise to those who place faith in Jesus Christ. If you have doubts about your parents and their salvation, take the risk of annoying them and ask them where they are going when they die. I did. Just 2 months before my dad passed I called him and got the answer that has given me peace. I am so grateful for God's mercy.

May 01, 2013
My Loving Father
by: Lou

I lost my Dad yesterday. He was 85. He lived a very long life. He loved his wife, two sons, and two grandchildren. Everyone in our family are very grateful for having him this long....but the pain and grief I'm feeling over his loss is so overwhelming.
To watch this once big man waste away to nothing more than bones was unbearable for all of us. He came down with a severe case of shingles which took almost 4 weeks to clear up. During that period, he was in extreme pain and mostly bedridden. My Mom looked after him as she's done for the last 57 years of their marriage. After the shingles cleared up, everything about him changed. Most of the time he refused to eat, and when he did, he ate only a couple spoonfuls of food, and even less liquids. He took off his glasses, gave up on reading the newspaper and watching TV, and just wanted to remain in bed. Over the next 5 weeks he wasted away to nothing and became so weak, he was permanently bedridden.
I believe the body knows when it's time to give up and his time had come.
I never thought I would experience this much pain and suffering. My Dad and I were very close, he was my hero when I was a boy.
I love Dad, I'll never forget you. Can't wait to see you in heaven.
Your loving son, Lou

Mar 09, 2013
To all the brokenhearted..
by: Anonymous

I would like to express my gratitude to all of you for sharing your grief with the world. It is Saturday night and I miss my Dad who passed away three years ago.
Every day since his death has been a constant battle to try to stay alive without him.I couldn't be with him for I was denied parole by the US immigration and it is killing me that I didn't get to hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him. He was so brave and resilient despite his numerous diseases but Parkinson was what killed him. His birthday is coming up in April and tears are my daily companion.. I believe in God and I know we are to be reunited after this passage on earth comes to an end. I pray every second and speak with God to take good care of him. To all of you suffering out there, I want to say that it does get better with time but your life is forever changed..and the only thing that keeps me going is to remember how courageous he was in the face of adversity..
Life is a beautiful journey and our late fathers are with us in spirit always.. I just need to look at the birds to remind myself that we all share a common fate, we will all die some day and in the meantime we must shine and help one another.. My Dad was so generous and he helped myriads of people to achieve their goals, by giving and being courteous to others, the so called strangers, he proved that Humans are all related..
Be patient and try to live well.. I hit the bottle when he died but I am now sober and will never do that to myself again for they are watching over us ..I know that ..be strong and love endlessly ...
I love you Dad, forgive me for not being there when they put you in the dirt.. I am sending you all the strength you need to accept their passing and understand that their work on this earth was done..May God bless all the Dads in the world, thank you again...Never ever think you are the only one suffering for millions go through what you are enduring right now..

God help the broken-hearted..and Fathers thank you for raising us..

Love

Jan 19, 2013
My dad left this earth too quick
by: Daddy's Girl

My amazing dad passed away just this past Tuesday early morning, 12:13 am. He was just 52 years old. He had the biggest most beautiful lest heart I had ever met. Everyone he talked to loved him and he loved his three girls and wife very much so. We had no idea he felt sick, he always carried himself so good and it all started with the flu two Friday's ago. On Thursday morning I went to talk to him and told him we were going to take him to the hospital, he asked me not to and please wait at least after 3. I took him to the family doctor and she called the ambulance, she told me my dad's heart was too weak. Ambulance took him at 2:30 pm my dr hugs me and tells me I brought him on time, 30 min later it would of been too late. After being in the hospital for four days, he was being treated for a severe case of Pneumonia, kidney and liver failure. I had no idea how sick my dad really was. Monday afternoon the nurse asked my sisters and I to try to talk to him even though he couldn't wake up, his blood pressure was too low. My dad held on to life for 8 hours until his heart couldn't no more. God took our biggest love, your amazing dad. Family, friends, strangers call our phones expressing how much they miss him and how they can't believe it. I am his oldest and I can't seem to function with him. The house feels empty without him, I sleep wearing his clothes. I don't know what I will do without my daddy anymore. My daddy always wanted a grandchild,last year my husband and I lost our baby, I had a miscarriage. I only pray that now he's with our lil angel and our baby gets to enjoy the best dad in the world. I am trying so hard to be strong for my mom & sisters, but I don't know anymore.

Oct 16, 2012
Just Feel It!
by: Cheray

Wail if you have to! Cry in one of his favorite shirts or listen to his favorite music or talk ta chair he used to sit in (if you can). That is the best thing I have found to do for myself.

Keep your Dad alive through the emotions you feel about him. And believe me most fathers would all like us to be having more fun and less worry!

Once we give ourselves time to work through the grief stages then we need to decide how we are going to cope with life without them physically here.


Oct 08, 2012
I love you dad
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad a year ago on aug. 27th and I thought I was doing pretty good until this last weekend. Now I cant stop crying I miss him so much. I just wish I could talk to him and give him one more hug. His death was very unexpected. He died from alcoholism. He had been clean and sober for about 10 years, but after the death of his sister he started hitting the bottle pretty hard. I'm having a hard time with anger ever since his death and I'm not to sure how to cope. I miss him so much!

Aug 26, 2012
Miss my Pop
by: Anonymous

My Dad died about 3 months ago. It's still so surreal. It has never still really hit me full force. He had cancer so it was t entirely unexpected but it did happen really fast. And now that he is gone I think of all those things he did with me and I'm so sad that we won't get to do them again. I wish I could go back in time and relive some of those moments. At the same time I want to feel it, I need to cry, to wail to the sky but it only hits me in waves, an of course even though it does it really doesn't give me some sort of relief. And I wonder why I even yearn for it. I guess crying feels natural, but the emptiness is still there. I worry about my Mom but dont really know what to say. Their 51st Anniversay would have been next Monday. That will be a sad day. I miss him so much I can Only imagine how she feels. But seeing what everyone else has written, and knowing we are not alone. There is something to that. Thank you. I hope what I say helps you as what others have said helped me. Love ya, Pop. Miss you. T

Jul 14, 2012
Miss you Daddy
by: Anonymous

I lost my Dad last week and I am totally devastated.He was in Hospital for a week and just died at the age of 52.He was such a great Man and loved me very much.I miss you a lot Dad.

Oct 18, 2011
My Dad Died on October 20, 2010 1 year ago
by: Brad Baldwin

I am still waiting for it all to hit... My dad died on October 20, 2010 in hospice. I thought I would be there for my dad but had to put him in hospice on October 7, 2010 due to his cancer metastasizing to his brain. On this same day my 15 month year old baby was diagnosed with cancer on the same day I had to put my dad in hospice. Since, my daughter has received a bone marrow transplant is cancer free but is battling graft vs. host disease... I miss my dad greatly and wish he were here as he was the one that would listen to me and give advice. It wasn't always the best advice because he was always on my side, but I knew when his advice was true. I guess I needed to vent my guilt of not having him with me or being with him when he died. This is something I will live with for the rest of my life and I don't think any words can take away my pain...

I miss you dad, I am sorry! I will love you forever and hope to see you again soon!!!

Mar 04, 2011
My Dad
by: Anonymous

My dad died 20 years ago, And I still miss him. I am following in his footsteps. And hope that he is proud of me. I still miss him very much.

Mar 09, 2010
the biggest man in the world
by: loretha eakens

Hello mine is a story that is hard to write about. My dad pass away about one year ago. But it is not getting better yet. My days go from sometimes alright to bad to really really bad, and there is the days that so bad that I can not stop crying all day long. I would like to know if gets better ever?

Jul 15, 2009
Miss my Dad
by: Dianne

My darling, beloved Dad passed away on 19th June this year, due to a misdiagnosis, he really should not have died, but his doctor did not take enough care with his health complaints, and dismissed them as just old age. It cost my Dad his life, and I am so sad, angry,and confused.

May 07, 2009
Your Beloved Dad
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your grief and for your loss. Your post really touched my heart. Please accept my sincerest condolences for the loss of your father.

I lost my fiance 3 weeks and 2 days ago. I miss him every day. He fought a very courageous battle with cancer for 2 years. I am grateful for the 10 years we had together, but I don't think there will be a day that will go by that I won't think of him.

Hold tight to the beautiful memories with your Dad for comfort...and may the love of those around you help you through the rough days.

Please reach out to those in your life that are close, for comfort and hugs.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS widget


   POPULAR
  RESOURCES

Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!